(Closed) I just dont know what to do anymore =c

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@myluverbuny:  Start with couples therapy and individual therapy (for the anxiety), and go from there. There appears to be some kind of problem here – maybe problems on both ends and he isn’t responding to your attempts to fix them. Ask him to join you for couples therapy sessions and see if that helps!

Good luck and sorry to hear that you are having trouble with your relationship.

Post # 4
Member
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@myluverbuny:  by your own admission you have some deep rooted fears of abandonment and is clearly something that is causing you some very surface anxiety issues. 

Taking care of those issues and working out the cause of those issues is job 1. You need to find a professional to talk this out with, and maybe the first, third of seventh person won’t be able to help you but perserver because I think with the right support you can really sort that out.

The problem you refer to here is ultimately asking your partner to understand your issues and support them with it, which I’m sure he does. However I have been in a relationship with someone who was like you are and it is incredibly draining to constantly trying to support someone when they are blaming you for their panic attack and saying, well if you were here when you were suppose to be I wouldn’t have had that attack. This will have a knock on affect, he won’t feel like he can help you or support you and yeah his sex drive will drop, being blamed for something like this will only push him away and won’t do anything for the intimacy.

You need to talk to him in a non- emotional state about how he can help you (but not fix) your problems, by giving him ways of supporting you he’ll feel more empowered to help out where he can.

This is a big issue and you need to lean on others not just him, some times he needs a break too, hence the game playing and hockey match.

Obviously I’m saying it from a similar position as your partner, so my view is different to yours, so I hope it doesn’t offend.

Post # 7
Member
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would attend therapy to get these issues worked out. If you can’t start soon, in the meantime I would also look into a book called The Anxiety Cure: An Eight-Step Program for Getting Well by Rober DuPont. I read this book because I have GAD, and it has really help rationalize my anxiety and deal with it. It gives you “homework” to do in the end as well.

Another book I would recommend if you and your husband can’t attend counseling because of scheduling conflicts is The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman. A wonderful read on how you and your husband communicate youir needs differently. It isn’t necessarily for marriages in trouble, but outlines what each can do to keep the other happy.

Good luck 🙂

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