- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
Before I start my rant here I just want to let you guys know i have some deep rooted fears of abandonment and persaonal image issues, so please dont say im over reacting because I know I am but my Fiance knows I have these peoblems so he should be slightly more sensetive.
Ive posted about some of these problems before.. about kids, working nights, doing ALL housework, managing finances, planning the wedding and not getting near enough sleep to do it all. I have tried my hardest to do it without complaint. I snapped at the beginning of the week…
My phone broke and I had no way to contact my Fiance, not a problem if he had come home on time. He is usually home at 2:30, but he came home at 4, apparently he had gone to his uncles. While he was at his uncles I missed an appointment I had at the bank and I had an anxiety attack because I didnt know if he was ok, gotten in an accident or what. So I got a new phone, and I had asked my Fi to take his phone with him to work incase he decided to go out after work again then I dont have anxiety attacks. Next day rolls around hes late, i try calling him at the half hour mark, his phones in the bedroom. I didnt start to panic until 4. He didnt get home till 5. I couldnt control myself, I was hysterical, coudltn breath, couldnt calm down, couldnt rationalize =c. The next day was fine, he was home on time but he was in a fowl mood, kept snapping at me and when I tried to be intimate with him he just shrugged me off him and gave me this wierd look and said ” what are you doing?”. Then went to bed early, im talking like 730 ( this was one of my only days off this week so I was hoping to get some sex, and this bugged me since everynight I work he stays up until 930 watching porn on my computer).
Last night he did it again. Went off to his uncles and didnt tell me until after the fact he was there. He got home, i made dinner, bathed the kids, while he played video games, then he went off to his hockey game. I put the kids to bed and waited up for him, hoping to get some intimate time with him, but when he got home he was too sore to do anything so we just cuddled on the couch for a bit. Until I started to play with his belly button and he swatted my hand and nudged me off him telling me he didnt want me touching his belly button… Which I dont understand.
We have sex about 1 a week..if that. Which is a significant decrease. We use to have sex several times a week. Then I got pregnant and he just didnt want to touch me. We would go weeks, sometimes months before he would have sex with me, id hust give him blow jobs most of the time even though my gag reflex was sensetive and half the time i puked after ( probably partially morning sicknesses fault) but im starting to feel like i did back then. I might as well have a huge belly because he wont touch me.
I love this man, more than words can say. Which is why I put up with this stuff. I did have a VERY long talk with him a tuesday, and wednesday and he still isnt getting the msg. I was strait forward with what I needed and he hasnt even attempted to try. I asked he take his phone, he hasnt remembered without me shoving it in his pocket, I asked for help with the kids at night, he is still sleeping full nights while im up with my son all night. I asked for help with the house work, im still doing the cooking and the cleaning, chasing after kids ect I dont know what to do. I dont have energy to fight anymore, or play with the kids, im getting angery left right and center, which makes me feel like an awful mother. I just want some help and I cant make him realize it.
Thanks for listening