Post # 1
My husband and I recently got married. We have a 6 month old son together. Since we’ve gotten married he’s gone from wanting to give me kisses and such, to just sitting there when I even try to give him any sort of affection and when I ask for some lovin, he says I’m being needy. I don’t understand. We’ve had a few years where he was always wanting to hug and kiss me. and now… there is nothing. I feel like crap. I tell him that I need the affection and then he says that I’m not getting affection because I’m not putting out for him.. But you need foreplay for sex… that includes kissing and such… but he just wont do it. I don’t understand how this is supposed to work if he expects me to just be horny and ready to go whenever he is, when he won’t do anything that can lead us to fooling around. I’m feeling extremely loney and unwanted…
I need help. Any advice?
Post # 3
I have met a guy who never wanted foreplay before sex. for me. I need a hot makeout session and some touching before im gonna be dropping any panties. and my Fiance is the same way.
So I have to say that him not caring for foreplay is normal… though it isnt for your relationship it sounds. I’m sorry you’re going thru this. I would talk to him about it for sure. At a calm time when neither of you are trying to get any because thats when people are defensive. After dinner one night or such I would talk to him about it.
you said you have a son… did you gain a lot of weight and not lose much? or have you stopped putting effort into getting ready for the day or such things? not saying that’s a good excuse, but could be the CAUSE of him maybe feeling unattracted or such thing.. and is afraid to tell you. so if thats the case and you can recognize it yourself it might help. I hope you guys can talk and work thru things!
Post # 4
@gpsp2B: I have considered those things… I am actually smaller now then I was before I had the baby.. I know he found me EXTREMELY attractive when I was pregnant, anad I think that some of the reason he is acting this way is because I told him I don’t want another baby til our son is potty trained, and I am pretty sure it hurt his feelings. But he asked why and I told him I couldn’t handle to children in diapers. And he said he’d take care of our son as I took care of the new baby…but he doesn’t take care of our son much now!
As far as getting dolled up and such, I’ve tried and got no responses. the night the original thread was posted, I got all done up in a teddy , leggings, had my hair and makeup all done.. and he started getting horny and such, and was actually giving me kissses and such. and the next day he told me that it wasn’t the same as usual and he didn’t even want to do it… If you didn’t want to do it then why did you do it?!
He is constantly accusing me of cheating on him and lying to him because that’s what his ex wife did.. But I’m beginning to think he may be cheating on me… hiding his phone when he texts, or goes in the other room for phone calls or texts… and he has had his wedding ring off a lot recently. But I honestly don’t think he has time to cheat. I know I sure as sh!t don’t.
I also may just be thinking too far into things because I’m hurting because I’m not feeling wanted. I don’t know.
Post # 5
@anythingworks: honesty it sounds like big problems are lurking underneath. He doesn’t sound like a very loving or caring husband, whether he is cheating or not. Aside from the difference in sex drive, were any of these other things better before? I mean, was he uncommunicative and cold before at times in your relationship? He’s not coming across as a very nice guy. He’s putting everything on you and making zero effort. I’m so sorry OP.
Post # 6
@anythingworks: Sure you *might* be overthinking it when you think he’s cheating, but you also might not. Of course you can’t know for sure unless you do some digging, that’s what I would do. Here are the things that could possibly point to cheating:
-sudden disinterest in intimacy with you, when before he was into it
-hiding his phone and being secretive about texts & calls (big red flag! why would he need to do this?)
-not wearing his wedding ring, especially if that is abnormal from his behavior before
It sucks but if I were you, I would try to get ahold of his phone or look at his phone records online to see what he’s being so secretive about. He sounds shady. Don’t blame yourself.
Post # 8
It sounds like he is projecting issues with lack of trust form his past relationship onto you. If he thinks you are cheating (however falesly that is), THAT could be the cause of his lack of affection?
I strongly recomend that you guys go to some marraige counseling. Not because your marriage per se is really in trouble or anything, but just because they can help you guys to communicate about your problems and whatnot. Sometimes hearing from someone else that “no – she’s right, you need to kiss her” (or whatever) is what they need. They should also be able to help you and your hubby work through his trust issues, and also you to be able to put thoughts of his potential cheating to rest. I have heard that on average people are miserable in their marraige for 3 years before they go to counseling – dont let this happen to you guys… Go for the prevention… please? 🙂
Also, I would talk to him (as a previous poster said – sometime when no one will get defensive) and tell him that it hurts you when he accuses you of cheating as you are not, and also that you feel that he is being overly secretive with his phone and you cant get the thought out of your head that he may be cheating on you. Make sure you emphasize that you belive in him and think that he is NOT cheating on you… but the secretivity with his phone is bugging you and that was the only comclusion you could come to. Do not just accuse him of cheating on you… That would probably just hurt him/make him go on the defensive.
Post # 9
I’d say 99% of the time, your initial gut feeling is correct. If you THINK he’s cheating on you and you’ve never felt that way before, it is possible. Not saying he is though. I’m just going off of what you wrote. I would ask him straight out why he’s doing those things. There has to be a reason… and the thing about him wanting to have another child right away kind of sounds like an excuse. Just ask him. He’s your husband. This is where communication is key. From past experiences, if he’s hiding his phone, there’s a reason.
Post # 10
@anythingworks: may be way off but just throwing this out there, based on what a good male friend of mine told me a coupla years ago after witnessing his sons birth…
his sexual attraction for his wife totally went dead. His words “after seeing what her body did to deliver my child I just can’t stomach the idea of her vagina.doing.anything. FOR ME anymore”
he explained that he still loved her dearly, still had a sex drive, he too was perplexed because even while she was pregnant he was finding her VERY sexually attractive….but every time he’d attempt to go full bore after deliver, he’d lose his erection because he literally had some form of PTSD episode from watching her vaginally deliver the baby.
I’m only tossin this out there as a slight possibility, because, givin the timing and details you’ve offered, it reminded me of my friend.
They went to couples therapy for quite awhile and eventually he got back on track. They’ve since bad another baby, soooooo something worked out! They seem to have a happy marriage, from this outsiders vantage point!
I sincerely hope, that whatever it is he’s struggling with, the two of you can get it identified and resolved!