(Closed) I just don’t know what to say.

posted 12 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
1404 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

don’t let him move in.  stand your ground.  i know it’s hard, but you told him how you felt about moving in together and now he’s trying to change that plan.  he should respect your decision, if he doesn’t then stay as a LDR and don’t move in together.

Post # 18
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

i understand ur frustration!

Post # 19
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree with blackcherry, and I think that’s how you should approach the conversation with him.  You could start by saying, I don’t think we should move in together since we aren’t engaged yet.  If he makes the financial argument (I would totally propose to you but i just can’t afford a ring right now!), then you follow up with – fair enough, but he must have realized this a while ago and he let you keep moving forward with the living together plans, knowing you would not be ok with the situation if he was fully honest with you. 

I think it’s fairly likely he isn’t ready to propose to you yet (emotionally/maturity wise whatever) and he’s just pulling the financial card because it doesn’t sound so awful (and you might take pity).  Particularly in light of how he freaked out earlier after ring shopping, and also in light of how you told him you don’t need a pricy ring.

If there’s any way you can avoid living together now that would be my suggestion, otherwise, he basically gets what he wanted and leaves you high and dry.

Post # 21
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Great job sticking to your guns. I like your comment:

“Because of this, I have a plan that will allow me to put him on the next plane out if we aren’t engaged in a certain amount of time and hopefully still be able afford the place.”

I’m not the most trusting soul in the first place, so I would have totally blown a fuse on this. I’m glad you both came to an agreement, and I hope he sticks to it this time. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders!

Post # 22
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

I agree with okqueenbee. Great job sticking to what works for YOU, that is always most important. People are often afraid to stick up for themselves in that way (I know this doesn’t apply to you but I’m thinking in general), but usually people around you will respect you even more once you do.

Post # 23
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

that’s exciting that you guys came to an agreement! and good for you to sticking to your guns!

hopefully he’ll feel okay with getting the lower cost ring, and now that he realizes that you care more about being with him than what he’s giving you it’ll happen sooner!

Post # 25
65 posts
Worker bee

Oh violetveil!! I would be very angry and hurt. This clearly is an excuse. Once you move in,he’s got ya! I know…….it happened to me. It’s been 2.5yrs. and I’m still waiting for the ring and proposal!!! Red flag girl! I would have a serious talk with him and REALLY get to the root of the situation. Money is an excuse,especially if you said he’s got a good job. He can buy a ring and make pymts. Think it throught before you move in!! Good luck in your decision!

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