(Closed) I just don't know what to think….(Long)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

((hugs))) of course it hurts, and it will get easier in time, but for now, just prepare for it to hurt, be grateful that he passed away gently after a wonderful day, and allow your friends and family to help you as much as they can. It is really difficult, but also a natural part of life, and in time you’ll heal, and be able to look at your father in law’s memory with happiness and joy, and no trace of sadness. Celebrate his life; don’t focus on or define him by his death.

Post # 4
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

(((hugs))) Oh I’m so sorry. I really wish I knew what to say. It sucks. It really sucks and it’s not fair. And that’s the truth. I’m so sorry.

Post # 5
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

so sorry for your loss.

Post # 6
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I am so sorry. I hope you and your Fiance can find comfort in having spent his lasts days with him.

Post # 7
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I am so sorry for your loss. 🙁

Post # 8
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m very sorry for your loss.  I really wish that I had some words of advice to instantly make this better for you, but the death of our loved ones is sadly just one of those things that has to run its course.  I don’t believe in the saying that time heals all things because I don’t think it actually heals anything as such, but time does help us to adjust to the loss.  The first year is always the worst–the first Christmas, the first birthday, the first anniversary of the death, and especially special occasions like weddings and births of children, but after that, you kind of just learn to accept that the way it was the first year of their being gone is unfortunately the way it’s going to have to be from now on and you just do your best to remember the person (on those days and every day) and try to incorporate them in the special moments.  The other thing to remember is that nobody is an expert on dealing with death.  Even my husband, who has already lost four uncles, two grandparents, his sister, and a nephew, is still shaken every time he loses another family member.  Some deaths are also harder than others.  I’ve lost three grandparents, my godfather, my first cousin, my dog, all of my great-aunts and great-uncles, and several friends, but the deaths of my paternal grandfather and my dog hit me the hardest because I had my dog for seventeen years and she was my best friend while my grandfather was more of a parent to me than my actual parents ever were, so I was closer to them than I was to anyone else and it took me a long, long time to be able to cope with those losses.  I still miss everyone (and will for the rest of my life), but part of me thinks (or at least hopes) that I will get another chance to see them again in the next life, whatever that is.  Even if I never see them again, though, I always try to remember all the good they did in THIS life–I am who I am because of their influence on my life.

The best advice I can possibly offer you is to do your best to support your fiance during this time (and hopefully he will also do the same for you) but also be gentle with yourself.  Give yourselves and each other however much time you need to be able to cope with this and remember that everyone is different, everyone grieves differently, and it takes some people longer than others to go through the grieving process.  Hang in there.

Post # 9
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

By the way, a friend of mine (who was only a few years older than me) and my godfather both died much the same way your father-in-law did–they just went to sleep and never woke up again.  Both were young men, seemingly taken before their time for no real reason but sadly that’s how life can be sometimes… we’re here today and possibly gone tomorrow.  Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, that’s why we have to make the most of today.  Situations like these are extremely frustrating because they seem so terribly unfair and we just don’t understand why the people we love are taken from us so soon, but it does teach us something about the preciousness of life.  For whatever it’s worth, though, even when the person is very sick and/or elderly (like my paternal grandfather and dog both were), their deaths really weren’t any easier to deal with merely because of that fact–I only understand the reasons for it a bit better, and that understanding doesn’t always count for a whole lot because I can understand something and yet still hate the fact that it had to be that way.  Inner peace is something that can allude us regardless of the way the person died, but we have to try to find a way of coming to terms with what has happened, pick up the broken pieces, and move forward with our lives because other life must go on even when someone else’s has ended.  Heaven knows it isn’t easy, but you’ll eventually manage.   Remember to take it one day at a time and that you WILL smile again.  Better days lie ahead!

Post # 10
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you lots of hugs and support. 

The topic ‘I just don't know what to think….(Long)’ is closed to new replies.

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