(Closed) I just don\'t like my in-laws. Anyone else?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I have a very similar situation. Mostly Future Mother-In-Law, who seems to think everything is about her 24/7, but Future Sister-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law can be difficult too. I think the most important thing is that you and your husband are on the same page in terms of how much a part of your life you want them all to be. Setting clear boundaries is important too. We are still working on all this ourselves, and it feels nearly impossible at times, but I have to believe that over time (and with hard work) these things will get better. I hope your situation gets more manageable over time!

Post # 3
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2006

I don’t like my Father-In-Law. Never have even from the day we first spoke on the phone to “meet”. He’s always been suspicious of me for some reason and he makes it clear. He doesn’t like being around our kids and when we visit he makes it clear he just wants to be with my husband. It gets on both of our nerves. It’s gotten to the point that my husband doesn’t even want to see him when we drive up to see his family. So sad. But in a way I’m glad because it takes the pressure off of me to see him as well. He smokes and the smoke is ingrained in his skin and clothing so he smells like a chimney all the time. He is sarcastic and rude. The last time we saw him we took him out to dinner and he said a total of two sentences to me and barely spoke to the kids. Ugh!!! 

I have no tips for you. I have tried and tried with that man and at this point it’s his loss. Thankfully my kids don’t feel like they’re missing out on anything and last time we saw him they didn’t even recognize him or remember that he is their grandpa. Sad!!!

my Mother-In-Law on the other hand, a total angel and I love her to death! They are divorced and now you know why. I could literally live with her she is so great. 

Post # 4
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

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italianbride0508 :  I don’t like mine either. They are totally closed minded and not well rounded. I’m trying to deal with them for my future husband but they are so not my type of people. I went through a period of feeling disappointed that I couldn’t get better in laws but I had to remember that they raised a great son. 

Post # 5
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee

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italianbride0508 :  

I am indifferent to my Future Father-In-Law, I used to love my Future Sister-In-Law until my Future Mother-In-Law made it clear she doesn’t approve of our relationship, then my Future Sister-In-Law did a 180 on me…I think my Future Mother-In-Law is one of THE biggest assholes I have ever met in my life! She is hurtful, rude, mean, manipulative and unless she is gossiping about other people, all she talks about is her Christianity! One of these days, lightening is going to strike her fat ass sitting in one of those church pews! She is THE most un-Christian woman I have ever met in my life!

For a long time, my Future Mother-In-Law was just passive aggressive towards me, or was rude/mean to me when my fiance wasn’t around (it was my word against hers, I stopped bothering)…then she decided to up her game, not realizing I had her number so to speak…needless to say, my fiance had a front row seat to a few of her antics (and they were beauts!) and now thankfully, sees what I see…sadly for her, unless she changes her ways, she isn’t part of our lives..I feel badly for him, but it definitely isn’t a loss in my life!

I will say this – I AM sad and disappointed she is like this because I come from a small family and I was SO excited about being part of someone else’s family…I tried with her for 2 years thinking once she got to know me, we would be fine, but the truth is, she doesn’t want her kids married- she wants them living near her, catering to her every whim (because that is what she did with her parents) …she has had a VERY active role in the demise of several marriages/relationships…

Post # 6
Member
1806 posts
Buzzing bee

I can’t relate to my in laws. I like my Father-In-Law. My Mother-In-Law is very needy and expects me to be the only one keeping up relations. Her and I have nothing in common. I’ve asked her to do a bunch of things but she’s never invited me to do anything. So I’ve laid off the invites and she’s made a bunch of snarky comments to DH. Wtf.

Post # 7
Member
880 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

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italianbride0508 :  

I don’t like my Mother-In-Law. I think she has NPD or some other untreated mental illness. She is jealous of her son’s wives because we “have it easier” than she did. This woman was upset that we have 2.5 bathrooms in our small house because she only has 1 in hers. Can you believe the pettiness? She’s also been cruel to her sons. 

My Father-In-Law is funny and kind. I love him. 

Post # 8
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Country Cottage and Gardens

I’m not a big fan of mine either. My Future Mother-In-Law has had a number of issues with us in the past and she can be very vindictive and hurtful. It started pretty early, as she borderline verbally abusive around the time that my Fiance deployed to Iraq (he was in the Army for the first 3 years of our relationship. She would tell him that he had turned into a bad person and that she was disappointed in him. It’s been 8 years since then so I dont remember her exact wording. That just didn’t start us off on a very good footing. Since then she’s had a number of outbursts where she’ll say cruel things and there’s been a number of times where she’s freaked out over something small and then gone and locked herself in her bedroom. She’s made it clear a number of times that she doesn’t like that my Fiance puts me first and that she thinks she should be more important. She’s also just very controlling and wants detailed timetables for any holidays months in advance. I understand that it’s a large part of our schedule since we live in a different city but it can get frustrating. I have two siblings and a large extended family so holidays can get a little hectic. But she still thinks everything should be on her terms even though my Fiance is an only child and they don’t leave the house on the holiday. My Fiance actually has a half sister but my Future Mother-In-Law refused to allow her around when my Fiance was growing up so they don’t have a relationship. I guess there was some sort of feud when my Fiance was younger to where she no longer speaks to her parents. I know she’s on some sort of medication but I really don’t know the details. Sometimes it’s a little depressing that I don’t have that great Mother-In-Law relationship but I tell myself I live in a different city so I only have to see them a handful of times each year.

Post # 9
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My husband’s family makes me loco. Father-In-Law and his stepmom aren’t bad but Father-In-Law can be aloof, uninvolved, and flat out rude. I made him a shutterfly book that cost over $100 of our wedding photos and he never said thank you. DH is hurt a lot because any time he tries to spend time with him or bond FIL makes it about SIL or Brother-In-Law (who are very poorly adjusted and continue to need heavy parental support).

Mother-In-Law is a loon and she is very selfish, manipulative, and nuts. Needs constant support and attention, always the victim, yelled at me at our wedding, made the whole thing about her. SIL is just a chip off the block and tries to put DH in situations where he has to pick between her and I. We would invite her to family holidays with my parents who would cook special to her dietary choices and she would blow us off for her on again off again boyfriend then get pissed we didn’t see her for the holiday. Got back together with him the week before our wedding and begged for an invite, we uninvited a guest so she could invite him (because faaaamily) and then he broke up with her a few days before and didn’t come. No apology about that one but expected our sympathy. Most recently my grandpa was dying and Father-In-Law happened to be in town, g-pa was having a really bad day and I needed DH to come because he was starting to get confused and was less lucid so I wanted DH to see him before he fully lost it and she flipped her shit that DH wasn’t going to have dinner with them. She is back with the guy from our wedding and brought up having a double date, DH said he didn’t know about being around him and she had the nerve to say ‘Well does your wife have to come? We can just go the 3 of us’. He had to tell her that neither of us approve of their relationship and don’t feel right supporting it because he treats her so poorly. I’m not looking forward to the next time I have to see her.

Brother-In-Law wanted to come visit to show off for his shiny new girlfriend while I was in an accelerated nursing program and working night shifts. We don’t have a good house for visitors as it’s very open and sound travels. I said I didn’t think I could handle having guests (he’s very loud and pushy) during this time and didn’t know what my schedule was going to be. DH made the mistake of telling him this on our way to my birthday celebration and I got to sit next to him in the car listening to him call me a bitch and ask DH ‘wtf her problem is’ then he blew up DH’s phone all night about what a crappy person I am.

Needless to say, we have had to set a lot of boundaries.

Post # 10
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Mississauga Convention Centre

I love my all of my future inlaws I couldn’t imagine getting married to the love of my life and not liking the people that raised him  to be the person that he is today.

Post # 11
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Another bee in the same spot.

You aren’t obligated to like anyone. You are – as hard as this is – obligated to respect them. I can tell from your post that you aren’t in sync with their lifestyles and overall morals (concerning child rearing, personaility, etc.) which makes your situation very difficult.

I’m in the samne boat. I’m losing so much respect for my in-laws that I don’t even want future baby around them. I’m worried their toxic habits will rub off on them or he/she will get exposed to things I’d rather not have them exposed to. (Smoking and drinking in the house, not picking up after themselves, etc.)

Try to find one redeeming quality about each of them. We all have them! There’s soe good in all of us, even if it’s not necessarily something you may usually associate with good. Hold onto it.

Oh, and distance yourself even further.

Post # 12
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

There’s a 45 year age gap between my ILs and me, so although I love them and we get along, we also have nothing in common. Mother-In-Law has symptoms of Alzheimer’s (this is from her Dr, not just speculation), and although she’s been nothing but good and kind to me, she’s very critical of others (including DH) and gets involved in a lot of family drama/pettiness and tries to include me in it, when I want NO part of it. 

Father-In-Law is also kind and fun to be around (he loves playing with DD), but he is very socially awkward and doesn’t pick up on emotional cues at all (DH believes he is on the autism spectrum but he never was diagnosed) while I have social anxiety so we usually don’t talk much lol. However his Girlfriend of < 2 years is a total raging bitch and we’ve cut her out of our lives completely. That alone was like a breath of fresh air.

 

We are renting our first home to Father-In-Law since we moved for DH’s job, and ~ 6 months into it, Father-In-Law asked if his Girlfriend could temporarily move in until her disability kicked in (we were told no more than 3 months). We begrudgingly agreed, since there was no written agreement and we didn’t know her well, so she moved in.

 

Well, over the next YEAR+ she destroyed many of our things we had left in the spare room for storage, including my great grandmother’s antique dining table chairs, a $900 bar, DH’s grandfather’s tool set, and various other items. She also brought 5 cats and 2 dogs with her.

 

We bit our tongues (although she wasn’t paying rent and was freeloading off Father-In-Law the whole time- I even made a post about this & we ended up taking Bees’ advice to leave the rent $ issue alone but tell her NO more pets) until a month ago the shit hit the fan. She brought in a stray dog, and DH called his dad to tell them the animal needed to be gone immediately (since we had explicitly discussed the limit on animals, even temporarily- no more animals on the premises). They found a home for the dog.

 

Then two weeks later she brought in ANOTHER stray dog. DH called his dad and said to get the dog out immediately and we heard Girlfriend in the background screaming at DH that she wasn’t “kicking the dog out” and called him an idiot, said F*** you, etc. and DH SNAPPED. He said she had to get out of the house within a month and we’d serve a notice to vacate the next weekend when we came up to visit family. She flipped out and started posting about us on FB 🙄 (Why do people hash out things on FB and think it’s okay?) and made a post saying she was NOT going to kick the dog out and called us horrible people for not caring about “God’s creatures” (despite the fact we have no kill shelters around our area, and if it were someone’s lost dog, they’d probably call the shelters first and not find a FB page that only has 100 friends with a *private* post to get their dog back.)

 

This is also the same woman who refused to let DH’s brother keep his dog in OUR house for one night while he was visiting family for thanksgiving. Who doesn’t care about “God’s creatures” again? So hypocritical. I am generally able to pick up on people’s intentions, and I’ve always felt like she was very two faced (nice to your face, posting Bible verses on FB etc., but talking about you behind your back and being disrespectful of other’s property.)

 

She’s also gotten short with DD (who at the time was 9 months old- 9 MONTHS old- it was for something to do with playing with a toy incorrectly- crazy ass woman) and I didn’t feel comfortable bringing DD back around this woman after that. Fortunately, the dog situation happened and it was the straw that broke the camel’s back (and allowed DH to see just how horrible this woman was/is), and she’s since moved out and we’ve cut contact.

 

Sorry that was so long, I just haven’t said anything about it IRL or on social media, and needed to vent lmao. I’m just glad she’s gone- we’ve made it clear to Father-In-Law that we want to visit with DD as much as we can, but Girlfriend is not allowed there or we won’t be. Girlfriend has since frozen out DH’s brother and fiancée and has been rude to them. Sigh. Fortunately she isn’t family so I don’t even feel an obligation to try and repair anything.

Post # 13
Member
1447 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - St. John\'s Lutheran Church

My husband’s parents are both deceased, but I can’t stand my brother-in-law. He literally doesn’t give a shit about me or my husband. He’ll go through phases where he calls several times in a week, asking how we are, etc., then asks to borrow a hundred bucks. It’s pathetic. 

The day before our wedding he showed up on our doorstep to stay at our house, unannounced. And asked for gas money to get back home.

Post # 14
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

I really like my Future Father-In-Law, but my Future Mother-In-Law, along with her 2 daughters can do one for all I care. I have never met more manipulative women who expect you to bend over backwards without doing anything to earn that kind of respect. I’m disappointed in FI’s parents because instead of parenting their snobby, brattish daughters they have basically let the bad relations between my Fiance and his sisters escalate while blaming my Fiance for sticking up for me when they have been flat out bitches. I was raised to be respectful and polite, but only if others treated me with the same respect. The minute they started making up lies about me I clocked out and now we don’t see the FSILs. Fiance won’t have them at the wedding either. I’m sad for him, but our life is a million times easier now they aren’t part of ours. 

Post # 15
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee

I can’t understand where you’re coming from, I love my in laws. My father in law was scary when I first met him he’s a biker; full of tattoos but he has the biggest heart. My mother in law passed away before I could meet her, when my husband was 12. I love my brother in laws (both half brothers of my husband) and my sister in law is great, and my other BIL’s girlfriend is such a cutie. I love the family. I did however HATE his best friend. For obvious reasons…..but thankful friends can be disposed of.

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