(Closed) I just don’t want to invite everyone?

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Maybe when someone asks about your wedding planning, you could say that you are doing a really small wedding with immediate family at whatever destination. For those not in immediate family, they should get the hint. You could also have your parents spread the word (what we did) to g-parents and aunts and uncles, etc. If you are really close to your g-ma, maybe you could tell her yourself. Just let her know that your budget isn’t going to allow you to do the big wedding thing, and that this is something that you and your honey really want. In the end, she will probably understand. Also, keep in mind that she may not know what a destination wedding is. Half of my FI’s family couldn’t grasp why and what we were planning for our wedding. I was a little surprised by that. His mom had never heard of a Destination Wedding. 

Be prepared for some upset people though. In the end, they will all get over it, but yeah….we have experienced some backlash. The best advice I can give, is to bite the bullet and get it over with. It will relieve a lot of stress for you and soon to be hubby.


Post # 4
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

On one hand I see your side:

  • You kind of hinted that you don’t have a good relationship with the other two aunts, so maybe this won’t come as a shock to them.


  • And I can kind of see your grandmother coming to terms with it being a destination wedding with a very small guest list, too.

I see a bigger issue though. From my understanding, you are paying for everyone’s airfare and board? Or did I read that incorrectly? If you aren’t, I think you should go ahead and invite the other two aunts. If your relationship is so strained, they probably won’t end up making it, because as bee’s on here know, destination weddings can be hard to get to and usually, you really have to want to attend to make it happen.

If you ARE paying for everyone, hotel and flight, the perfect excuse is that you can’t afford anything else but a small guest list and that’s that.

I say to invite the two aunts, because it just seems like you will be opening pandora’s box if you invite one aunt and not the other two. If your relationship isn’t even as strained as you represented, it will be even more offensive and hurtful that one aunt made the cut and the other two didn’t. And if your relationship wasn’t strained with the two already, it 100% will be after you go through with this.

More than resenting you, which they will, and you probably will hear about it, they will resent the aunt going which causes strife between them. And jealousy. And cattiness. And whatever else. Do you want these kinds of things surrounding your event. I think it’s kind of par for the course with this type of thing. 

I imagine that if my niece was getting married and one of my sisters was invited, but I wasn’t and neither was my youngest sister, I would be so infuriated I might never talk to you again. It’s really a line in the sand.

I just don’t think this particular battle is worth it. I know you want to keep it small but if you have a salvagable relationship and want less awkward Thanksgiving dinners, I would extend the invitation to everyone. Because your grandmother will probably understand, but your aunts won’t.

Also, if you do decide to go through with inviting them, don’t mention that you are paying for everyone else. That can be a private matter between the small guest list you wanted to invite. And then see what kind of decision they make.

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