Post # 1
I know that i need to talk to Fiance about this but was hoping for some advice on how to bring it up and how to word so I don’t sound like Bridezilla!
Fi has a huge family, like 5 sister’s and a brother huge! All have children, he is the youngest by nearly 10 years. Dad was previously married and has 2 daughters and a son, mom was previously married and has the other 3 daughter’s. Fiance is their only child together. Fiance grew up with mom’s children, they still live in the same small town and we see them at least monthly if not more. Dad’s children live out of state, i can’t stand dad’s kids. One sister is loud, obonoxious and crude and her children are TERRIBLE! His brother is a deadbeat POS and would just come for the free food and booze. Other sister is this high-and-mighty I’m better than everyone kind of person, i just can’t stand them! I don’t want to invite any of them, they wouldn’t be there for us. The loud sister would come only if his parent’s paid for their room and board and for their kids, it’s rediculous.
I really wanted a smallish wedding 60-75 people max. Inviting his whole family and our close friends have the guest list toppling 150 people! I just don’t want that and honestly we just can’t afford that big of a wedding. There are a few other family members I don’t want to invite mainly because i’ve never met them and Fiance and I have been together 4 years. He hasn’t seen them in at least that long. I would much rather use those invites for people that are in our lives regularly and would be there to support us and our marriage. I don’t know what to do or how to bring it up to Fiance. Any help would be greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading if you made it this far!
Sorry so long!
Post # 3
Have you guys even started making a guest list together? I would recommend discussing what you both want as far as size and set that limit, that will help you keep the list narrowed. You don’t have to invite every family member on earth! However, my thought is if it turns out that these people are important for him to fit into that 75 person limit, you have to let him.
Post # 4
IMO, family always comes first.
Fiance and I both have family in our lives that we’d choose friends over…but in the end the decision came down to figuring out if it would be a bigger deal to NOT invite them (the backlash) or if we sucked it up and they were there.
There are friends we wish could be there, but they love us enough to understand that our family has to come first (even if we’d rather see the friends).
Unless your Fiance didn’t want to invite them either because they’d been disowned for some reason, I think siblings have to take precidence over friends.
Post # 5
Good luck to you! My FI’s mother has 10 siblings. All with kids. Several grandkids.
Yea…it’s not pretty.
Post # 6
I do understand your feelings about this. However, unless your wedding includes no other family members other than your parents, I really don’t see any way that you can NOT invite your FI’s own siblings to your wedding. They are his siblings. The ones who are not close to him may choose on their own not to attend. However, I think you need to invite them.
Post # 7
There were people who I did NOT want at my wedding either, but they were important to my Darling Husband, so I decided to let it slide…and to be honest, on our wedding day, none drove me nuts and I barely noticed they were there because I was so wrapped up in being married to my love. You don’t have to include them in any of the planning, but if they are people your Fiance feels should be invited, I wouldn’t fight it.
Suggest you each write your own guest list…then combine them, see how many people you have combined, and go from there with adding/subtracting to get to a number you are both comfortable with.
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
It may be best to come up with a guest list number- we started with 25 invites each for his family, my family, his friends, my friends. We’ve gone over with our friends, but kept our family to those numbers. If it’s important to Fiance to have all of his siblings there, he’ll tell you. Maybe the nieces/nephews aren’t invited. Saying “I don’t want your step-siblings at the wedding” could be an issue- tread lightly! He may want to cut out other relatives before them.
Post # 9
Since they are half siblings I really don’t see how you could not invite them. And definitely you can’t invite some and not at all. That’s my point of view based on how I would do it. But your FI’s opinion on this and whether or not he wants to invite them is really the only one you need.
Post # 10
i commiserate with you. my Fiance is also one of 7 and the youngest by many years (so they are all married and have kids of their own). i have met all his siblings and there is one i would rather not deal with on my wedding day, but there is no way i would ever ask him to not invite a sibling.
i really dont think there is any way you could do that without starting some major shit within his family.
Post # 11
You can’t really invite your family but not his, unless you want to start of your marriage with him having hurt feelings, and his family hating you.
Either you invite ALL siblings (his and yours) or none (elope). Tough decision, but, somehow I doubt your Fiance will be all “suuuree yeah, no probs!” if you say “I dont want to invite any of your brothers, but I will be inviting mine”.
Post # 12
@BushelAndAPeck: How does your Fiance feel about all of this?
You probably should each get half the list and fill it with who you want to invite, that way it’s completely fair to both sides. For Fiance and I, it was important to both of us not to invite people out of obligation or simply because they’re family, so there is a fair amount of people we cut out so that we can invite people we love and keep in touch with (friends). We’re having a similar sized guest list, and we didn’t want the most important day of our lives to be filled with people who are related by blood but are otherwise people we don’t feel close with. It just all depends on your FI’s family dynamic and whether he feels more comfortable inviting those people or not.
Now that I think about it, I did end up inviting my a**hole brother that I can’t stand out of obligation to keep the peace with my mother, but I knew there would be a good chance he’d be on deployment when my wedding rolls around (which he will… heh heh heh). But there were several other family members we got pressured about and we stood our ground, and now the comments are subsiding.
Post # 13
Thank you for all the responses. I have merely mentioned these people to Fiance and he feels we need to invite them ot ouf obligation not because he actually wants them there. We may talk with his parents and see how they feel. I know his mother would not object to us not inviting them but his father may have a problem. we will see. I will keep you updated soon
Post # 14
however if he does want them there i will not object because they are siblings.