I just got engaged two weeks ago and noone seems excited for us

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
1807 posts
Buzzing bee

Brace Yourself: no one is going to be as excited about this wedding as YOU are! It’s a sad truth we all experience.

So my best advice is to be very independent and very selfish! Don’t be afraid to minimize your bridesmaid#, you do not want girls there who will half-ass things. Do as much of the planning and whatever you can yourself, get things exactly how you want them. And don’t be afraid to minimize your guest list- you shouldn’t pay for people’s dinners who think it’s a hassle to show up. Choose dinner food that YOU love, don’t care about accommodating anyone else’s wants. Your day = your choice!

Post # 17
Member
9024 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

There is a huge difference between not showering you with as much attention as you expected and not being happy for you. Sometimes it is your expectations that need readjusting, not the other peoples response to your moment.

Have people in your life congratulated you? If so that is all the response they need to give. 

And if someone you are not really close with or who are not really in your life hasn’t gone out of the way to contact you then I think you should stop and think why would they? When was the last time you contacted them? Etc. Sometimes when we are excited we forget that some people are just acquaintances and not friends.

Post # 18
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

There so much attention seeking disappointments on this forum. 

Post # 19
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

yupmarried:  You are so right on, especially the comment about minimizing the guest list and paying for dinner who can’t even bother to RSVP. There are so many posts on here about how much couples had to pay for the visual enjoyment at their reception of seeing empty chairs and feeling the pain of dollars departing from their bank account.

I know from personal experience how that feels. It’s not a backyard BBQ, stop by if you can kinda thing. It’s a “I need to know if you’ll be there for sure (aside from anything unexpected like illness, called into work, etc) cuz were paying for it anyway if you’re there or not”. I would have been more understanding if I received phone calls the following week of the reasons why the 20 people didn’t show. All I know is I never want to plan another wedding again, unless it’s my granddaughters say 30 years from now or so!!

Post # 22
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

bunnybear:  I think lots of people share in your lack of excitment sadness.

When we told FIs parents they said, ‘ohhh…’ then later, ‘we’ve been through this before’. Fiance is third of his siblings to get married, but still! It was all very underwhelming.

Agree with PPs that as time goes on people will be more excited and ask more questions. Until then, don’t let that affect you! Congrats!!

Post # 23
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

bunnybear:  Nope! If I could go back in time I would have no bridesmaids! Make it super small and simple, and have my mom sign for us.

Don’t pick people for the sake of picking people. 🙂

Post # 24
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

When I got engaged I was actually a bit overwhelmed with people’s repsonses (MIL crying -of joy I guess, people constantly asking when where what), but I wished that they did NOT ask me all those questions. I have to add that I was the first person in my circle to get engaged, although I was already 26.

If people arent as excited for you, it might just be that a lot of people around them are getting engaged..l once read that more than 70% percent of proposals happen during the holidays and if you’re in a certain age range there is a great chance that a lot of peers got engaged over the holidays, too. I have seeen multiple FB announcements over the holidays, and I guess it can get somewhat annoying to people. That doesn’t mean that they are not excited for you though- it’s just nothing out of the ordinary anymore, for a lot of people. I would only be worried if your close family or friends wouldnt care, especially once the wedding gets closer. 

Also, I think no bridesmaids is awesome! It saves a lot of drama and sometimes I think that brides just want to compete with others about how many bridesmaids they have. I personally think the whole bridesmaid thinnis outdated anyway-but that us just my humble opinion;)

Post # 25
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Uhm, so maybe this is a bit late since last comment was two weeks ago but I still tought I should say this. <br />I think that the reason nobody gets excited over engagments is actually because engagments are so populars. Social media floods with people “getting engaged” when really no such thing has happened. They just want to one up everyone that their relationship is much more “epic”. <br /><br />The reason none of my friends got excited was because of this very reason (they actually told me afterwards) but when they figured out that (excuse the french) Holy sh*t this is for REAL(!?) they all got excited. <br /><br />Just though I’d put that out there. Dont feel so down about it. I’m sure people are excited for you but remeber that love and affections is not showed with words but with actions. If they care for you they will be there for you and help you trough the hassle (lets not lie to ourselves) of wedding planning. And when they do, you will realise that no high pitched squeels of “OMG NOWAAAAY” will ever beat silent and loving support!  

Post # 26
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

People can be happy for you without being visibly excited. Other than reading proposal stories here on the Bee, I haven’t personally asked most of my friends how their beaus proposed. It’s just not super interesting to other people.

Rest assured that no matter how they seem now, they’ll be thrilled to share your joy on your wedding day. The engagement period is about you and your Fiance, not anyone else, so treasure this intimate and special time together without worrying about the opinions/excitement levels of others. It will only invite disappointment.

Congratulations!

Post # 27
Member
317 posts
Helper bee

bunnybear:  This happened to me. So sorry to hear this. I purposely went to the one couple that I KNEW would give me the over the top excited response I was looking for – DH’s grandparents. I did all of my gushing with them and I always look back on THAT moment when thinking of my engagement announcement. Is there anyone like that you can rely on to show some good, old fashioned good manners? It sucks that Some people can’t even fake it when it comes to proposals. 

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