(Closed) I just had one of those moments…

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Isn’t it funny how sometimes the guys miss the whole issue?  *sigh*  No one wants a hung-over groom at the alter!  You said that 2 of 3 groomsmen are OoT and the Bridesmaid or Best Man is in Cali… I assume you are also in Cali?  How far OoT are the other two?  Is it possible for them to do something the weekend before?  Or, if the timing really isn’t right, maybe your Fiance could suggest a weekend trip sometime after the wedding to thank the guys for their support at the wedding and they oculd make that a psuedo guys night out? 

 

I’m out of ideas.. hopefully the other bees will have some good ones!  Good luck 🙂

Post # 5
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I absolutely agree that the guys are not being very sensitive.  But then again, we’re talking about guys here!

With everyone being out of town, I understand that they would want to do a guy thing when they are all together.  I know you’re trying to be a cool bride by telling Fiance you’re OK with the bachelor party and I think you really mean it.

However, implicit is not a thing that works well with guys who completely miss the point.  I think you’re absolutely within your right to tell Fiance and Bridesmaid or Best Man both that you expect Fiance to be in his best form on the day of the wedding.  You trust them to deliver Fiance at the wedding fresh-faced and ready for the big day.

Leave it at that and trust that they’ll do it.  Maybe the "bach party" will just be the guys hanging out on the golf course with no debauchery planned? (I’m doing my best to send positive thoughts your way!)

Post # 7
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Yeah, this is where you have to put your foot down.  It absolutely used to be the norm to have the bachelor party the night before – and all the GMs and the groom would look like hell the morning of the wedding – totally hungover.  I remember some weddings when I was right out of college where one of the main jobs of the BMs was to pass out Tylenol to the GMs and try to get them through the day.  Not cool.  Even activities the day of – my Brother-In-Law went golfing the morning of his wedding, with his best man, and showed up a little liquored up.  Not badly, but the problem was that he was ready for bed about halfway through the reception, between being in the sun all morning and starting his day of drinking about 10:00 am. 

He had his bachelor party last weekend – three days of golfing and guy-bonding at a really nice resort.  Our wedding is in July. 

I would let your Fiance know that you’ve got no problem with whatever he wants to do for a bachelor party, as long as it’s no later than the weekend before the wedding.  That’s totally reasonable.  It sounds like he’s not that into the idea anyway, and neither are his friends, or they would totally have a weekend trip planned.  Let him know that getting sh*t-faced and staying out all night the night before the wedding is out.  Trust me, unless he’s a complete idiot, he already knows this.

Post # 8
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

ok i agree, none of those days will work. lol.  the only thing that i’d agree to is for the guys to have a "day thing" on the day before. but i would let him know firmly but sweetly that it would be best that he be home by 9pm, lol. it is a big, long day and i definitely do not want the groom to be sleepy, tired, hung over, etc. too much at stake! 🙂 maybe they can do a golf day or something LOL. the "night of" belongs to you and him, sorry. the guys aren’t very good planners. 😛  my guys’ friends aren’t great planners either, but that’s another whole story. good luck!

 

oh, i think the guys will be happy perhaps just hanging out at the beach, maybe do a bbq and have some beers. lol. 

Post # 9
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

didnt check out everybody else’s responses so this could be redundant.

you can not use hints with men. they are very thick headed. they do not comprehend like we women do. Therefore, i would stop the hinting and beating around the bush. Flat out say that they day before the wedding is off limits. the best man needs to come in earlier bc there will not be any b-party the day before and definitely not the day of your wedding when you will be getting married and heading off for the honeymoon.

hope this comes to a resolution soon….GL!

Post # 10
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Why would he want to "celebrate his last days of single-dom" after you’re married?! After you’re married, you don’t get the right to have a bachelor party anymore. Period. Ugh. Men.

Post # 11
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Good lord, bachelor parties are only for when you are still a bachelor!  And wedding days AND nights are for the couple!  Sheesh.

I’d be incensed.  You are handling this far better than me.  ;)  My fiance had his bachelor party already- and we have a month to go.  Makes much more sense.
Once he is married, he has voided his right to a bachelor party, in my opinion.

Post # 12
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I would say he definitely has "a right" to a party with the guys after the wedding – this idea of bachelor/ette parties as being the end of your days of partying with your buddies is ludicrous.

That being said, it is also ludicrous to have a party involving lots of booze the night before the wedding. No one wants to be tired/hung over on the wedding day. If you felt comfortable with it, he can go off with his buddies DURING THE DAY before the wedding (depending on the schedule of your rehersal dinner), but he needs to be sober and in bed at a reasonable hour.

And if it’s possible to get the guys together again after the honeymoon, propose that the bachelor party happen then. Or, heaven forbid, the best man doesn’t get to be involved! You CAN have a party without the entire wedding party there – it’s nice to have everyone, but with people living all over the place sometimes it just isn’t feasible.

Post # 14
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2008

smt – I made the suggestion of doing it after the wedding/honeymoon simply because if the guys really want to get together and party, it sounds like that might be more feasible for them than trying to squeeze it into the day before the wedding. Perhaps I was misinterpretting others’ comments, but some of the guy-bashing and saying one doesn’t have the right to a bachelor party were coming off as pretty judgemental. It doesn’t have to be called a bachelor party, but essentially any night out with the guys is going to be roughly the same thing.

Of course, I’m also of the mind set that, no matter your gender, you don’t have to succumb to your baser instincts for your party. One doesn’t have to go to a strip club or get completely trashed in order to have "one last night" of fun with one’s friends.

Post # 15
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

MsAnge, my Fiance is going to Vegas and doing god knows what for his bachelor party (which is fine, I’m doing the same thing in Philly for mine). I don’t know what smt’s Fiance is planning, but I know that if my Fiance did that when we were married, it would be really disrespectful to me (nor would he even want to). A boys night out drinking is one thing, but getting random tatas shaken in his face should go away after the wedding.

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