(Closed) I just hate bachelor parties

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

By The Way, just because I’m a spelling freak (sorry!) it’s spelled tiring 🙂

Post # 18
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Veranyc:  I can totally understand your disappointment. You have every right to feel that way. Regardless of your stance on strip clubs, the “type” of women there (I don’t agree with your focus on the women and  agree with 

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@Sassygrn:  that they are women JUST like us), or the peer pressure from friends, you and your Fiance had an agreement! You feel uncomfortable with this and he should respect that! Period. Pointblank. I definitely would suggest that you talk to him asap (well, not tonight..maybe tomorrow after you sort through your feelings) and discuss this further. You definitely don’t want to have to continue to have this talk once you two become married, because let’s face it…he will have the same friends, other parties may come up at strip clubs, and you STILL would not want him to go!

Hope this helps!Laughing

Post # 20
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Veranyc:  I don’t like the “peer pressure” arguement either, and that’s not exactly what I said…..for peer pressure, I would think that he didn’t want to go, but felt he had to, in which case I’d tell him to be an adult and tell his friends that he doesn’t want to go, period.  I’m not sure that’s what’s going on here (ie, does he want to go?), and I’m saying that if 2 people in a relationship have diametrically opposed views on a topic (e.g You: I don’t want you to go to the strip club; He: I want to go to the strip club), then a mutually agreeable compromise needs to be found.

As for the “slippery slope” issue, eg. strip clubs lead to lap dances…..well, if someone wants to seek extra-marital sexual activities, they will regardless.  They will create opportunities.  It didn’t sound to me like that was your concern in the initial post.

Post # 23
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Veranyc:  I respect your opinion, even though I do not agree with you, and I also get why you might feel the way you feel. Howevere, if he is going to his friend’s bachelor party, he should be allowed to go. I agree with pp that high end strip clubs are a lot less vulgar than some people make them out to be. Also, “those women” aka strippers could actually be nice people!:)

Post # 24
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@DreamingofDiamonds:  While I agree with your statement. I really don’t think we know for sure what could happen. If he can be “talked into” going to a strip club after he has agreed not to, he could possibly be “talked into” getting a lapdance. Let’s face it, it’s a bachelor party outing…boys may drink, ask a dancer (unbeknownst to him) to give him a lapdance, and he may sit there. It’s possible. This is one of the reasons, why I expressed to my SO that I did not want him to have a stripper at his party. Not that I don’t trust him, but sometimes we as humans put ourselves in potentially hazardous situations.  

Post # 26
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Veranyc:  Oh, totally missed the already married part! Opsies! Ummm. that changes my opinion just a little. I still say talk to him about your feelings, but I also think that you should clearly write down your reasons why you don’t want him to go and articulate it in a clear manner. Maybe try a different approach to talking with him this time?

 

Post # 27
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@FutureMrsJohnston:  I agree that promises made in a relationship need to be taken very seriously, but that doesn’t mean there’s no space for flexibility if reason calls for it (in any situation, not specifically in this one).  Plus, we have no idea how that “promise” came to be, but we have clues.  The OP said she “let” him go to a strip club in the past, and that he didn’t go to one for his own bachelor party.  Maybe he promised because he felt he had no choice? Maybe he promised and really meant it.  I have no idea!  Maybe he promised that he wouldn’t go with any regular event, but he may not have meant “I will never ever step foot in a strip club again under pain of death.”

 

I know that strip clubs can be a very sore and complicated spot in relationships….but I think that a woman saying, “You can’t go because I don’t like it and I say so.” is just as bad as a man saying “I’m going because I want to and don’t care what you think.”  Relationships involve 2 autonomous adults free to make their own choices with due respect to their partner’s wishes and needs, which may or may not be happening in this particular scenario.

Post # 28
Member
2041 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Veranyc:  Okay now that you’re at a place where he broke this promise, what are the ramifications? Are you going to leave him? I don’t mean that sarcastically but am dead serious about asking. Is it THAT huge of an issue and therefore a dealbreaker?

 

My guess is that you’re looking at my post like I’m nuts for even suggesting that you might leave him over this. In that case, the thing to do now is to take a deep breath and move towards forgiveness. Yes, you are absolutely within your rights to be angry. He broke a promise. That being said, when he gets back, I don’t think it will be productive to get in a big, mad fight about it. I am willing to bet that he made the promise in good faith thinking that he would either not be faced with this situation OR that he would be able to easily say no. Obviously, that wasn’t the case.

 

When he gets home, calmly let him know how hurt and disappointed you are that he broke his promise to you. Sit down and together talk through the issue. Why did he make the promise if he couldn’t follow through? Are you able to make the compromise PPs have suggested where special circumstances like bachelor parties are allowable but random weekends are out of bounds? Things like that. I think this is a great opportunity to practice some constructive communication and deepend the bond between the two of you. Good luck!

Post # 29
Member
4980 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

 

@Veranyc:  

 I wasn’t offended but wanted to make sure that you do realize that women who work at strip clubs are just like any other woman, only difference is her job is taking her clothes off.

 

Personally I have been to a strip club and as a PP mentioned you can’t touch the women and if you get a lap dance you have to sit on your hands and they have big ole bouncers watching the men like hawks so they don’t get out of line. 

 

 

Post # 30
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@FutureMrsJohnston:  I’m catching up with this thread and let me say I do respect your opinions, even though I might not agree with all your points. “

He shouldnt have promised that if he didnt really have the intention of keeping it.” I mean we all know how men are. They would say things they don’t really mean or they would say things just to please their partner, and then circumstances force them to break their promise. Stuff like this happens. It doesnt mean that op’s husband doesn’t respect her request or wishes to carry his promise through. The circumstances are just not in his favor. I think he should be allowed to go without making a big deal out of it. At the end of the day, its not even his bachelor party. 

Post # 31
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I dont blame you for feeling betrayed. To me, a promise is a promise. And a good ethical man has no business in a strip club what so ever. Imo, Bachelor party in a strip club is so childish. How old are they? 17? I just don’t see a point in it. And the party host should just leave married men out of it all together. Whats the point of having your Bridal Party as the groom, and then you continue to go to others’ BP? Is it kinda defeat the purpose of Bridal Party anyway? 

Oh btw, men that fall for peer pressure in this whole strip club thing have no backbone. Not cool! My Fiance told his friend that he has errant to do on his friend’s Bridal Party since he knows I won’t be happy. I ddidnt tell him to not go, he just knew. 

OP, i think you should sit him down and talk about his promise to you. If he doesnt really want to go, he doesnt need to tell his friend you are the reason why he is not going. Imo, saying you wont let him go just makes you look really bad in front of his family. 

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