- 9 years ago
Yes. The title says it all.
2009 I met my ex. He is in the US Army and had to deploy for a year. During all that time, we kept in touch talked on MSN, sent emails and I got additional calls. I have never met anyone else like him. We decided to get married and meet in Paris when he came back. I am and was at that time not living in the US.
The weeks, days, hours pass. He comes back from Afghan. No word. From the regular contacts we’ve been having to nothing at all. I waited for a few days, no replies on email, no calls. I called his dad, he didn’t know anything either.Those days went to months..thinking that he died or soemthing worse. After two months of waiting, I take courage, wrote an email to him and break everything off from my side. I think I did this just to break it off for “me”.I don’t hear a word. May 2010. I meet my now Fiance.
I love him with all my heart. But he is not the one. Yes, you heard me. It’s hurtful to say it. But he is not the man that “left” me. No one has understood me like he has. After my ex left, I still wore his dogtags, hopin he would come back. I kept sending emails to his mail, just I guess for getting some kind of hope. But I started to like, love my Fiance. I started to get used to the life without my ex and let it go. I mourned him for a whole year. I let my Fiance in, and gave him the little piece of sanity I had left.
January 2010 I get a message from a friend I work with. He was contacted by my ex on facebook (he saw we were at the same job on FB). He wrote a heartfelt letter to my workfriend about why he was abscent and wanted to check in on my life status. He didn’t want to come in my life to ruin it all. I sent him a message, pissed off, told him to back off.
He was hospitalized for a head injury for six months. After recouperating, he realized that he already lost me and had to focus on his injury. My brief encounter with his dad that phonecall a year ago was the only contact I have had with his family. I don’t know them, they didn’t even know I existed till I called.. But he wanted to send back the last carepackage I sent back (Which I know was an excuse for him to get a hold of me in a sincere way). His speech and writing skills are all blurry and I was in shock. His tour ruined some of his writing, reading skills which I know he loved to do the most as a hobby.The man I thought was gone came back. After a whole year of going back and forth from giving up the friendship after he contacted my workfriend we grown into to talking to him again, I know for a fact that my behaviour is because I love him. I love my ex with all of my heart. I am scared and lost and I got the soulmate I didn’t have. He is not the same person after his injury, but I am willing to go back to him with my whole faith that someone let us understand that it was meant to be.
Today, we had a talk. I am coming home to visit him. I am looking forward to it. We are already talking about our life together. He will never be deployed again, but he still recovers from his trauma and injuries from the last tour. I love so much. What should I do. I love him and it hurts me that we can’t be together yet.
I need help, from the only place that I know would possibly understand this from another view and keep some sense into me. I feel like breaking down crying and also angry. I love my Fiance but it’s not the same as with my ex. He has been my mountain and my heart for all of this time. And I have not been able to let him go even though of what happened.
Please, don’t be judgemental. I really need your advice!
Thanks for reading, and thanks for understanding why I wrote this anonymously.