(Closed) I just left FI and going back to my X.

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee

Your poor Fiance 🙁 I really hope you’ve thought long and hard about this before you make your move. Sometimes the grass looks greener, but its really not..

Post # 32
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Im trying not to be judgemental but I feel sorry for your Fiance. Have you seen Castaway? (Tom Hanks) Because that is what this reminds me of. Guy is gone, woman moves on, guys appears, but they continue with their lives. You are ENGAGED to be married, you made a new life with him, you moved on! At least take some time to think this through!

Post # 33
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Maybe I’m the oddball out, but being the ex-armywife (NCO) there are quite a few things to me that don’t make sense. Well more than a few. First, the FRG to the unit your husband was in sends emails to all significant others/families regarding the status of the guys (and girls). Had your ex been injured OR any significant events occured they would send regular updates. In the event of something serious, you would have gotten a call. Second, you said you married your Ex. Under the sailors and soldiers act, you can’t divorce him overseas. Period. He could have been dear johned but no legal divorce. Which leads me to ask, if you abandoned your husband, whom you were still legally married to, as you said you received no contact from him, then you most definately didn’t divorce him, how could you marry your current Fiance. Maybe Im jumping the gun but this seems awfully trolly. The military keeps close tabs on relations. You HAD to have been in DEERS. There is no reason why you shouldn’t have known for, I believe you said 6 months, as to his status overseas. And you can’t divorce a soldier whose overseas.

 

Edit: My mis-read, you were engaged to be married. My apologies about my error in that part.

Post # 34
Member
2724 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

View original reply
@DDG84:  I don’t think they were married. Just going to meet in Paris to get married when he got back. 

I agree with other PPs that you should take a break from them both and focus on yourself. But it also kind of sounds like your mind is already made up and you’re looking for some validation in your decision or an encouraging similar story. I don’t have either to offer but I do wish you the best because it is  a difficult decision to make.

Post # 35
Member
2582 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Please keep in mind that traumatic brain injuries can DRASTICALLY change someone’s personality.  You are doing the right thing to leave your fiance when you know your heart isn’t totally with him, but puhleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease don’t set your expectations high for a relationship with your ex.   Depending on the severity of his brain injury (and aphasia it sounds like), being in a relationship may be the exact opposite of what he needs right now – and you should be prepared for that.  I’d focus on healing and reflection for yourself, and go forward knowing a frienship may be the ideal relationship to have with this ex.

Post # 36
Member
2413 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Follow your heart but just make sure you aren’t feeling like this for your ex because you never had proper closure. Nobody can answer this question for you.

Post # 36
Member
6244 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

He couldn’t contact you to let you know he was alright after returning from war? He couldn’t have someone contact you because his family didn’t know about you?

Post # 38
Member
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Wow.  You were in a relationship with someone and supposedly engaged to be married and his family didn’t know about you????  And then he falls off the face of the earth and neither you nor his father are notified???  Not only that, but even after you told his father who you were, they never bothered to call you, (or e-mail you, or write you a letter) to tell you what happened???  Then, this guy waltzes back into your life and has you ready to leave your fiance for him???  I am not doubting his injury at all, I just think it’s super weird and suspicious you were planning to marry someone and his family didn’t know you existed, and that NOBODY bothered to tell you what happened and just left you thinking he was dead.

I don’t know.  I think you are rushing into this.  If you need to take some time to yourself to decide what you’re feeling, I think that that is more than fair.  It might also be a good idea to see a counselor to help you sort out your feelings.  But I would not jump back into a relationship with this man just yet.

ETA:  LOL…I see that I was typing this as you posted your update.  I think you’ve made a very good decision to try and work on your relationship with your Fiance.  Best wishes!

Post # 39
Member
6244 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

View original reply
@Uberprincess: I am so glad to hear that. It sounded like you were living in the past…. a glorified and sugar-coated past.

Post # 39
Member
2582 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@MapleMoose:  It sounds like he has aphasia – so no, he wouldn’t have been able to do either of those things.

Post # 40
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I am beyond thrilled to hear your update. Honestly.

Post # 41
Member
2814 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

View original reply
@leafgum:  I agree.  I think you’re making a huge mistake.  

 

Sorry, I didn’t see your update.  I think you are making the right decision by staying with your Fiance.  

Post # 42
Member
9834 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

View original reply
@Uberprincess:  i am so glad you talked to your Fiance, he sounds like a good man 🙂

The topic ‘I just left FI and going back to my X.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors