(Closed) I just moved to a new city, and my boyfriend left me?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
381 posts
Helper bee

Distance changes everything, and a lot of people can’t handle it. For some, the loneliness can be too much, or the miscommunication, or simply the lack of physical intimacy.

My advice is to cry as much as you need and then move on. Start discovering this new town, enroll in an afternoon class, make new friend, advance in your field. You will find someone better, but for now try to enjoy your life achievements.

Hugs 🙂

Post # 3
Member
47430 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
beach_lover89 : 

Try to keep in mind that you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you.

Going through a breakup and being in a new city will be rough, but it also gives you the opportunity for a completely fresh start. My ex-husband used to be transferred every year. I quickly learned that there are nice people everywhere. Go out. Get busy. Try some meetup groups for the activities that you enjoy.

This too shall pass.

Post # 4
Member
5155 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

To get through it you just need time. Keep busy, meet new people in your new area, try some new things or places. The nice thing is you have no memories of him there and can just create a lot of fresh memories.

I am sorry for the breakup. It sounds like it took you by surprise. However, honestly it sounds like it was for the best. A lot of drama and arguing over “little things” does not sound normal or healthy at all, and that was only 9 months in when everything is usually still in the honeymoon stage!

Post # 5
Member
9521 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

It sucks. It is lonely. He wasn’t the right guy for you regardless of the distance. You have the unique opprotunity to refresh yourself with a new start in a new city! It is tough making new friends as you get older but it is entirely do-able.

Sorry you are having a rough week with food poisoning and a break-up. It can only get better, right?

Post # 6
Member
382 posts
Helper bee

The truest cliches: Know that with time, you will find peace. The universe has other plans for you. He wasn’t the right one. Concentrate on yourself right now. 

Binge watch some Netflix, reflect on what you learned from the last relationship, about yourself and what you want, and throw yourself into exploring your new surroundings and all the new opportunities. Have faith that the right people will find you when you are ready. 

“One of the best protections against disappointment is to have a lot going on.” – Alain de Botton

Post # 7
Member
2240 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s for the best that he ended the relationship. The two of you liked each other and all that, but this distance has shown the truth of the relationship: it was convenient and met some needs, but probably wasn’t going to be successful long-term.  

You’re in a new city, you’re working on your career, and now you’re not in a long distance relationship with a guy who wasn’t really in to you. In other words, you’re in a good place even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment. 

Don’t worry about meeting people directly, like, “Hi, I’m beach_lover89. Want to hang out?” Focus on having fun on your own. Do things you’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t or used to do, but stopped. If you used to do ballet, take that up again. If you like cooking, take classes. If you admire the skills of painters or potters, take some classes. Have fun, explore your interests, and friends and romantic relationships will follow. 

You’re better off without him. It’s true. Focus on yourself and things should start getting better and a lot more fun. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years ago by  Jen9595.
Post # 8
Member
74 posts
Worker bee

I know it hurts but it sounds like you dodged a bullet. Id be more upset about the food poisoning than losing a douchey guy who couldn’t make time for a video call :/

Post # 9
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Looking at your previous post about your parents not liking him and him being a few years younger than you…he probably just didn’t want the “pressure” of a LDR.  Which is fine, it’s his perogative…I mean, it sucks for you, but on the same token at least he didn’t let this go on and on and on like he could have.  It has been 6 months, which in the grand scheme of things isn’t super long.

I know you are still hurting and I totally get that.  Be kind to yourself, grieve the relationship as you need to, and get yourself out there and meeting new people in your new city!  🙂

Post # 10
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: LA Athletic Club

I am sorry to hear about that Bee. You can try to binge on Netflix and possible find a new hobby. Working out increases endorphins( feel good chemicals in your brain) so that can help. You have to remember that you deserve someone who is willing to support you 100%. You deserve so much more and I can imagine it is difficult right now but try to stay strong and think positively.

Post # 11
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

Sorry Bee .. I know this time is really hard, but like most people said, you can really use this as an opportunity. Take a week to feel bad if you think it’s necessary (sometimes I just need to get it out of my system), and then focus on YOU. Push yourself out of your comfort zones, go to classes you’ve been afraid to try but have always wanted to try, meet new people, embrace the city your in, and focus on YOU! You have no one else to think about now. You have a future of new people, first kisses, and new adventures ahead of you! Try to find the silver lining. Also, try watching the movie “How To Be Single,” if you like those kinds of movies. It’s not the best movie, by any means, but it has a surprisingly good message in it about a newly single girl in a new city.

Post # 12
Member
2505 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
beach_lover89 :  🙁 that sucks. Distance is hard always, but even harder when the relationship isn’t super solid to start with. Sounds like you two haven’t been together that long and that really he’s just not that into you. Sure, he was super great when you were around…but the second you left, it was out of sight, out of mind. My advice to you is not to fall into the trap of thinking that everything would have been happily ever after if you hadn’t moved away. It wouldn’t. You still would have broken up, eventually, and it likrly would have been all the more painful had you stayed together longer. But you two weren’t right for each other, period. So after you cry until you can’t cry anymore, try to look at it as a positive…better now that another year or two down the line. 

Post # 13
Member
4227 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I have lost TWO amazing and loving relationships to distance. It SUCKS, but distance really can change people. Trust me though, it’s for the best! Imagine if he HAD moved there to be with you? If you had broken up them things could have gotten VERY messy! Sorry this happened, but at least you know now *hug*

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