(Closed) I just need to get this out…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
46371 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Have you thought about or discussed with your doctors the idea of having eggs harvested for future use?

Post # 4
Member
990 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

with the advances in medicine now i am sure that it will work out. Let the wedding be the issue for now, not a baby. Later if you can’t get pregnant then perhaps you can look into options such as where someone else carries your child thus allowing the child to be your flesh and blood without the medical issue. There are other options too that adoption isnt the only thing. What is to say that later on there isnt a treatment that allows you to have kids? when you are ready to have kids it will work out, for now enjoy the wedding process and look forward to the big day 🙂

Post # 5
Member
5215 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

I am sorry, alli.

My opinion and it is totally coming from someone who is childfree so there is that, but you should not have a child before you are ready, or are even sure about it (as you said, you are “waiting for maternal instinct”).  There may be others that disagree, and if you were SURE you wanted to have kids like NOW and were READY NOW then I would say go for it, but I just do not get that vibe from you. I know for myself I spent years “thinking” I would have kids one day and was “waiting for my maternal instinct” and like you “was thank goodness I do not have to deal with that yet” until I realized one day I did not want to (or have to) deal with it ever and was at peace with it (relieved, even) and was damn grateful I never gave in to any pressure (on myself or by others) to have them. I would just hate to see you rush to have kids to only decide that maybe it was not for you after all.

I do not want to make this is a childfree issue. It is certainly not. It is a “wait until you know whether you want them or not” issue. I know there are people who say you could never regret having children, but I disagree. I can google it and find plenty of people who do, and have people in my life who, while they love their kids, have often been honest with me about how if they could go back they may have chosen quite differently. In often cases I think it is because they were really not 100% on board with it themselves yet. I think you MUST be 100% on board with having kids before you have them. Not just because you feel pressured, expected, or “mandated” to by your own reproductive limitations. If you are 100% on board, I think it works out much better all around!

As for your Fiance, I don’t know if it will be an issue or not. However, I will say “not necessarily”. My husband is not quite childfree like I am but he would rather be with me than without me to have kids with someone else. He finds other ways to have children in his life – mentoring, for example, or spending time with our nephews. And if you both are open to adoption? Then that certainly is an option.

Post # 6
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I wish I had an answer for you.  I just really want to send you hugs and let you know that I’m thinking and praying for you to be at peace with whatever decision that you and your Fiance make.  

Post # 7
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I agree with above comments, dont have a baby before you feel ready.  doctors dont know everything, each case is different.  I dont have kids, I have Endo & am in my mid 30s.  5 years ago when i was diagnosed (after suffering for 20 years with it), they told me if you wnat kids you should start asap after the surgery which i had then.  I didnt feel ready & still dont (in fact i am undecided if i want them), so I will just take it as it happens.  i know people who have been told they couldnt have kids have them.

Post # 8
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I see from your post that you’ve somewhat discussed children with your FH, but I think what would be best for both of you would be to sit down and realistically write down or discuss what options you have for children given your health condition. You have the uterus and you have to incubate the baby if you have one in your body, not him, but you are the one with the health condition. Sure, he says he wants a biological child but if you can’t necessarily have one, that needs to be openly discussed and accepted. You might not have that maternal instinct at this moment, but if you’re getting married next year, it will come up befor eyou know it. I think it’s better to know sooner than later, now that your doctor has given his advice about you conceiving and carrying a child, what your options are and what you and your FH accept are the path or paths you would prefer to choose.

Post # 9
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree, freeze some eggs!

Post # 10
Member
12974 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this.  Don’t rush into parenthood just because of the timing.  I completely agree about having your eggs harvested and preserved, and later you could have a surrogate carry a biological child of yours and your FIs.  Good luck!

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