I just need to vent and get advice!

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

It’s your life. Say yes if you want to.  Have a long engagement instead of rushing into it.  Have you talked with your partner about getting engaged?

Post # 3
Member
5551 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
elizabethdoerr1 :  you are writing off their reasons as invalid. What are their reasons? Could it be that you really want this relationship to work and aren’t willing to listen to their concerns?

Post # 4
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

What do you mean about your family not having “accurate reasons?”  What are their reasons for not liking him?

Post # 6
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee

Are you sure it’s him they don’t like, or do they just not like the idea of you getting married again so soon to anyone?

Post # 8
Member
5551 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
elizabethdoerr1 :  yeah, I disagree with your dad about that. Not being able to afford three plane tickets doesn’t mean he’s not worth it. I’m glad you saw through that bs

Post # 9
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

It sounds like they haven’t warmed up to your boyfriend yet, but I don’t know that “hate” is the correct word.  Ultimately, you’re going to make whatever choice you want, but I dunno.  Still feels like we’re missing a piece of the background.  

Post # 10
Member
895 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

If he proposes to you it does not mean you have to get married right away. Have a long enagagment. You said your ” family will HATE YOU”  if you get engaged. I think that is completly wrong. They may be upset at the fact. But i’m sure your family won’t HATE YOU. I’ts your life, just take it slow. Don’t rush into it. So it’s just that your father thinks that this guy is selfish or is there other reasons? It sounds to me like your Dad is making judgement on a man he does not even know. 

 

Post # 11
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee

The plane ticket thing is dumb, but I think a slower timeline is a good idea. I would just talk to boyfriend about it, tell him you think he’s the one but because of your relationship history you want to date for at least two or three years before you get engaged. Then you won’t be put in a position of accepting a proposal before you’re ready.  

Post # 12
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

Whether you get engaged or not is none of their business or control, thus their opinion is inapplicable.

Post # 13
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

You are an adult. So there’s that. Also, do you feel ready? It wouldn’t hurt to have an open convo with him about what he sees your life looking like in a year or two. If it were me, I’d put marriage on the back burner for a bit but if your SO is dead set and you feel ready you could have an extended engagement (a few years) 

Post # 14
Member
5754 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Obviously it is your life but if you we’re my friend I would tell you to not get engaged for a third time by 27. If you love this guy and it is serious then there is nothing to lose by waiting another year or so and just being sure, however you know exactly what can happen if you rush. 

Post # 15
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

+1 for the long engagement idea.  It would not only put your family at ease to let them know that you guys are intentionally slowing things down a bit and will have a long engagement, but it also gives you a buffer of time to plan, save, etc. which are all good things.

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