Post # 16
elizabethdoerr1 : I dont think your family hates him, they probably dont trust your judgment and assume he is a bad guy. Honestly, if you want to say yes then say yes. You can make the engagement a little longer to be sure of things and let him get to know you’re family more but dont pass this up if you think this really is the one. The fact that he is helping you raise a child that isnt his is a good sign.
Post # 17
- Wedding: August 2019 - City, State
elizabethdoerr1 : Why dont you say yes but have a longer engagement? That way you can ease your fathers concerns without disappointing your boyfriend!
Post # 18
hickoryhills : You’re right, they don’t HATE him. I use that word way too loosely and it’s a bit dramatic.
Post # 19
nikkiv1313 : Thank you for that. I agree with the long engagement FOR SURE. I’m not wanting to rush anything and this is one of the reasons that IF he proposes I’m not sure what to do. I really do think he is and my family definitely doesn’t trust my judgement, but also doesn’t have a reason to. I’m just scared to tell them IF he does and I say yes because they won’t be on board even if we don’t plan a wedding for another 5 years.
Post # 20
keviah12 : Thank you for this! My dad definitely doesn’t know him. He met him ONCE when we were friends because his family is from MI and so is mine. So we both happened to be out there for xmas break and he came to visit me and we went to the casino…so my dad met him then. We weren’t presenting ourselves as a couple and my dad thinks that since he drove 21/2 hours to hang out, he “has an agenda” even though it was clear he liked me and because of the snowstorm after the casino he slept on my dad’s couch (which my dad suggested he do) and he offered to buy us beers and dinner beforehand (my whole family) and my dad took him up on it as well.
So now he has an agenda..
Post # 21
Personally, I think you may be rushing things a little bit. I would express to your boyfriend that you feel comfortable in the relationship, but due to your history, you don’t want to rush things, and would prefer to date for 2-3 years before getting engaged. And then I would STILL have a long engagement. My husband and I were together for 3 years before we got married, and while I love him more than anything, I still think we probably could have waited longer. It’s not about how much you love him, but it’s about doing the right thing for you and your child.
Post # 22
I was engaged once before and ended it. When I got engaged again, for the second and last time, my father insisted on a 1 year engagement, which made perfect sense to me. It’s your life, do what you want, but make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons – I can’t stress that enough. When I got engaged the first time, I did it only because he wanted it and I went along with it like a lemming. Engagement wasn’t even on my radar and I definitely didn’t want to get married. I was young and stupid and it sounds like you were too. It happens. Forgive yourself and move on.