(Closed) I just need to vent. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I do kinda feel that way some days. Sometimes I think a couple of my bridesmaids think that they can make themselves look just as good or better then me at my wedding. but I try not to let it bother me to much, being as im the first one to get married also out of my friends.  I wouldnt worry to much about it. Their time will come when they are to be married. You got engaged first and they have to deal with it. Talk to them, tell them that you dont like what they are doing/saying. Its your time to shine! And congrats on Engagment!

Post # 4
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

That’s how I feel when it comes to my two older sisters…one has been with her Boyfriend or Best Friend for 4 years and he STILL won’t talk about marriage…the other just turned 30 and is still single…they’re both bridesmaids but I still feel soooo guilty because Fiance and I have been together for 2 1/2 years and we got engaged 3 months ago…

Post # 5
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1999

On a differing view point, I was the bridesmaid of my little sister a few years back. She’d been with her boyfriend about 5 years and I’d been with mine about 8. The moment she became engaged peopel startedsaying stuff to me ‘Oh…always the bridesmaid, never the bride’ (I’d been briedesmaid twice before), ‘oh! What a shame! Your little sis is engaged vefore you’,or ‘this must be so hard for you’ etc. etc. People seemed to want to push me into jealousy and upset. It was more other people’s opinions on what I may have felt liek about my sister becoming engaged. On the contrary, I was in a relationship longer than her but our lives were totally different, I’d been to uni and done a Masters and had applied for a third degree, she’d left school. saved money and bought her own house.

 

My sisters wedding day was the best day of my life. I was so proud of her, I enjoyed it from the night before where we got to share the same room again, chatting into the night to the morning where we played board games and had breakfast and lunch as a family. Seeing her in her gown and with her makeup done made me cry (and not with jealousy) but because it was MY little sister and she was so beautiful and I was os so proud of her. I walked behind her down the aisle, tearing up and barely made it through my reading because I was crying so much (sorry sis!). It was the best day of my life. My boyfriend and I danced til midnight (we were quite drunk!) and I was as giddy as a top. I loved it from the moment it began (when she got engaged on Christmas day 2009) to when she got married (August 2010).

I was that girl who’d been in a committed long term relationship for 10 years before I got engaged (we’d both concentrated on school) and had all my friends and family marry around me. Sure I was sometimes sad it wasn’t me but NEVER jealous. I was so happy for each of my friends that my little bit of sadness melted away when I hugged them and saw their ringbling! πŸ™‚

I didn’t understand all the comments of ‘this must be hard for you’ and ‘what a shame – your’e the older one!’. AND these comments did raise their head quite often, from friends and peopel I worked with etc. Maybe thay have been subject to the same pressures without which they would have all been naturally pleased as punch to be a part of such an important day?

Now, I’m not saying that your situation is the same as mine, but I just wanted to point out that sometimes the bridesmaids can get outside help for prompting jealousy if you know what I mean. I really wouldn’t feel guilty because, like me, they will be so totally happy for you and the beginning of your new journey…they may, at times, feel a bit sad because it isn’t them but that’s a slightly different emotion to jealousy I think (I may be wrong, though!).

 

Please don’t feel guilty, it IS (as a PP said) your time to shine and guilt will only takeaway from your happiness. A bride will always look the best, because she is the bride -despite the fact if she is pysically the most attractive woman in the room. I have three bridesmaids at my weddign in August (yes! It FINALLY happened to me! lol!!) and all three are extremely beautiful. My sister is petite, beautiful and cute as a button, my friend tall leggy blonde and amazing looking and my third bridesmaid has an amazing face and the worlds most beatiful hair. I know that they are all ‘prettier’ than me but at that moment in time I will be the bride and their beauty will not distract from my own but enhance it. Please please dont feel bad, or that they will look better than you because if they are good people and your true friends they will be as super happy as I was for my sister and my cousins and all my friends who got married before me! Plus you are the bride and you will always be beautiful.

 

 

Post # 6
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1999

On a differing view point, I was the bridesmaid of my little sister a few years back. She’d been with her boyfriend about 5 years and I’d been with mine about 8. The moment she became engaged peopel startedsaying stuff to me ‘Oh…always the bridesmaid, never the bride’ (I’d been briedesmaid twice before), ‘oh! What a shame! Your little sis is engaged vefore you’,or ‘this must be so hard for you’ etc. etc. People seemed to want to push me into jealousy and upset. It was more other people’s opinions on what I may have felt liek about my sister becoming engaged. On the contrary, I was in a relationship longer than her but our lives were totally different, I’d been to uni and done a Masters and had applied for a third degree, she’d left school. saved money and bought her own house.

 

My sisters wedding day was the best day of my life. I was so proud of her, I enjoyed it from the night before where we got to share the same room again, chatting into the night to the morning where we played board games and had breakfast and lunch as a family. Seeing her in her gown and with her makeup done made me cry (and not with jealousy) but because it was MY little sister and she was so beautiful and I was os so proud of her. I walked behind her down the aisle, tearing up and barely made it through my reading because I was crying so much (sorry sis!). It was the best day of my life. My boyfriend and I danced til midnight (we were quite drunk!) and I was as giddy as a top. I loved it from the moment it began (when she got engaged on Christmas day 2009) to when she got married (August 2010).

I was that girl who’d been in a committed long term relationship for 10 years before I got engaged (we’d both concentrated on school) and had all my friends and family marry around me. Sure I was sometimes sad it wasn’t me but NEVER jealous. I was so happy for each of my friends that my little bit of sadness melted away when I hugged them and saw their ringbling! πŸ™‚

I didn’t understand all the comments of ‘this must be hard for you’ and ‘what a shame – your’e the older one!’. AND these comments did raise their head quite often, from friends and peopel I worked with etc. Maybe thay have been subject to the same pressures without which they would have all been naturally pleased as punch to be a part of such an important day?

Now, I’m not saying that your situation is the same as mine, but I just wanted to point out that sometimes the bridesmaids can get outside help for prompting jealousy if you know what I mean. I really wouldn’t feel guilty because, like me, they will be so totally happy for you and the beginning of your new journey…they may, at times, feel a bit sad because it isn’t them but that’s a slightly different emotion to jealousy I think (I may be wrong, though!).

 

Please don’t feel guilty, it IS (as a PP said) your time to shine and guilt will only takeaway from your happiness. A bride will always look the best, because she is the bride -despite the fact if she is pysically the most attractive woman in the room. I have three bridesmaids at my weddign in August (yes! It FINALLY happened to me! lol!!) and all three are extremely beautiful. My sister is petite, beautiful and cute as a button, my friend tall leggy blonde and amazing looking and my third bridesmaid has an amazing face and the worlds most beatiful hair. I know that they are all ‘prettier’ than me but at that moment in time I will be the bride and their beauty will not distract from my own but enhance it. Please please dont feel bad, or that they will look better than you because if they are good people and your true friends they will be as super happy as I was for my sister and my cousins and all my friends who got married before me! Plus you are the bride and you will always be beautiful.

 

 

Post # 7
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@mecattacow:  Yeah. My situation’s like yours. I think people should be happy for the bride and not let their personal situations interfere. They can feel the feelings, because it’s healthy to allow oneself to be in touch with what they feel, but the bride doesn’t need to be in touch with the negativity. 

I hope her bm’s come to behave like you did for your sister. 

OP, you shouldn’t feel guilty. You can tell your friends that you understand how they feel because you went through it yourself, but that is ssomething they have to work through on their own, and you will be happy for them when their time comes. If they talk about it again, change the subject until they get the idea. You are not the bad guy just because their SO’s have not stepped up yet. 

I felt bad because my brother, 8 years younger than me got married before me. I will be the last of my siblings. But I never told my brother that and I dove into helping his wife plan and prepare for the wedding. I made it wonderful for her because she had no female family members with her at the Destination Wedding. But guess who did hear about it? My future Fiance, who hadn’t stepped up in the 7 years that we’d been together at that point. It stil took him two more years. 

So I’d encourage your friends to evaluate their situations, and to understand that it makes still take years with that man they are with or he might not even be the right man. Life is not on a timetable like a movie, so you shouldn’t feel guilty about being in this situation before others. It’s not a bad shameful thing that your man is ready and so are you. It’s a thing to celebrate. 

Post # 12
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@zeeweddingbee:  what does “really trying hard to get married” mean ? 

Post # 14
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Oh wow. That’s interesting. I can’t imagine having to go about getting married in that way. Without dating I mean. But we do have to look for dates in the same way. Cool

Can you do internet dating in your culture? I think a culture like that would totally benefit from a match.com. 

Post # 16
Member
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

Yes, I feel guilty thinking that my engagement might hurt my close friend a little. I know she’s happy for me, but I know she’s a romantic and wants and deserves a love story herself. I know it will happen for her, but neither of us know when.

So, I don’t talk bout my engagement too much with her. That’s all I can do… make sure to not “rub it in.”

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