- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
I just need a five minute pity party so I can go on my way. Fi and I have been engaged since November, anticipating a two year-long engagement due to our budget. Very generously my parents told us they will give us “X” amount of money to cover most or all of the venue costs. We were thrilled and so gracious! The past month we have decided to try and move our wedding up to this Fall or next Spring, depending. My fiance lost his job recently so if we did the wedding in the Fall it would be a tight budget but I’m 99% sure that we could do it without using any credit cards. My mother wants this super fancy place and actually found one that was feasible… a little over budget, but she said she would take care of it since she loved it THAT much.
We were looking at Nov 17/18 2012…(I am a teacher and we were planning to go on our honey moon right away, which would limit us to summer or right before thanksgiving or a school break)… then a mutual friend said she hopes FI’s friends would be able to make it because another mutual friend’s wedding is the week before and it would be a financial burden. That was not her place to say that, she would never have changed her wedding date because of other people, and that got me, Fiance, and my mother upset. Then Fiance started to think that maybe his (somewhat unreliable high school) friends would not make it because of that reason! This made Fiance sad and I told my mother… she was very worried because with the guarantee at the venue we would still have to pay for them if they didn’t show up. The room is large, and my mother is worried it would look empty without at LEAST the guarantee number (125), and we can’t over-invite because my parents cannot afford to pay for it if the friends AND the extra invites do come at $125 a head before service/tax/tip.
I was so bothered by that comment because I am so nice to everyone and make a big deal about everyone else’s events and am really never selfish. I’ve hardly talked about my wedding with friends because I know how annoying it can be… I know no one cares as much about my wedding as I do. When other friends have gotten married I was happy for them, but really didn’t want to hear about it 24/7.
THEN my mother realized that with the somewhat rocky relationship with some of my father’s family what if they didn’t show up? So we have ruled out the expensive venue because it’s just going to be too much if things don’t work out. After this, I found out that my fiance FINALLY talked to his parents about our wedding (about a wk ago, but he was upset and didn’t feel emotionally ready to tell me right away). His mother basically said that the are “losing him” to me and my family, that he only cares about having the wedding where my family is from (about 1.5 hr away from his fam), and that they aren’t going to contribute anything to our wedding and it is my parents’ job to pay for the wedding, as per tradition. They also said “of course her parents have money to contribute, they don’t have a mortgage to pay.” I cannot even tell you how livid I am to hear this!!!!! My parents don’t have a mortgage to pay because they worked their butts off to pay it off in 15 years!! After overcoming credit card debt early in their marriage (early 20’s). Not to mention my dad makes HALF of what FI’s father made until a few months ago when he lost his job and is probably making about the same. How is it our fault that his parents decided they wanted acres of property, a jaguar, an in-ground pool, jacuzzi, huge house, and tons of designer clothing and accessories.
Please don’t misunderstand me, it’s not just about the money, it’s about the fact that how do you live comfortably knowing that you could, but will not, help your children. This is a woman who got a chemical peel the week after her husband was laid off. They also went out for dinner (sandwiches at a cafe) with us and asked us to pay for our half (it was $19). This couple purchased TWO new flat screen smart TV’s in November. BUT they are not willing to help with our wedding AND expect us to consider their wishes in the details of the event.
This is also a family that hardly did anything for my Fiance growing up, my mother is more of a mother to him than his own. My family would do anything for me and my sister and it just makes me sick that his mother is so selfish and his father stands by without so much as a peep. My Fiance actually cried tonight while telling me about the fight they had about this because he said “what type of mother is so selfish all her life?” I have seen my fiance cry about 3 times in 3 years.
Now my mother is just so upset because she feels for him, and just does not understand why this wedding can’t be easy for us. She said that we deserve this and everyone is just taking away from it. We have a mutual friend’s wedding in August, and November and I guess by other people’s terms they are “off limits” HA! I also have a close friend engaged and would like to set our date before another month might pose somewhat of a problem.
We have decided to postpone the wedding until the Spring of 2013 just to make sure that
1) We have all the money saved first, and maybe a few extra thousand, I get very uneasy to start spending if it is not all their. I paid for both of my (used but still a chunk of money) cars cash, well bank check, not cash, lol… had my Fiance pay for my ring in cash, and that is just the way I am!
2) Leave a little time for everyone to cool off, my mom is so emotional and just wants to do what is best for us and help out in any way she can. She has been so great looking at venues and I know she might feel a little overwhelmed. They saved up money to basically gut the entire kitchen but wants to wait a few more months to get our wedding savings going just in case.
3) So Fiance can relax a little and focus on finding a job and not feeling pressure that we will be married in 8 months and he is in an unsure state.
On a positive note, I did try on some bridal gowns with my mom today and… to my surprise they looked great if I do say so myself! I have pronounced hips and the dresses I tried were fit & flair, slight a line, and even one that was almost straight and I was so pleasantly surprised. Now I know I just need to work out, not so much lose weight. I can relax a little. I was 30 lbs heavier when I met Fiance, and sometimes I feel like I still am that weight. When I finally do decide on a dress I will let you guys know.
OKAY if you read ALLLLL of this… thanks!!! Love you, bees!!! I feel better typing all this out!