(Closed) I just planned my own engagement :(

posted 4 years ago in Proposals
Post # 31
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Winery

Hold on. Why do you have a picture of a ring on your fridge? 

Post # 32
1461 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

marissgee:  I planned my engagement without knowing it too.  I wanted to get family pictures done so I set everything up.  I picked out the outfits and everything.  My Fiance contacted the photographer to let her know his plan!  It is really hard to completely surprise someone after 6 years ๐Ÿ™‚ Try to concentrate on the fact that you are actually getting a proposal!!!  You might fall in love with the ring once you have it, but if you truly hate it after a few weeks, then I would talk to your Fiance.   

Post # 33
2318 posts
Buzzing bee

Why the sad face?  I would have totally loved to plan my own engagement. Now that you suspect his plan, make it special.  Add a romantic dinner, upgrade your room, plan romantic activities.  Give him several opportunities to pop the question LOL have fun with it.  As for the ring, you may not love it but he does.  It is probally is a combination of both his and your personalities.  It will feel perfect on your finger.  Try to see the silver lining in your situation. 

Post # 34
1179 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Horseradish:  I feel like you’re typically spot on, even if the delivery is somewhat harsh, but I think you missed the mark here.

She didn’t say anything about what she wanted or expected from the proposal. Just that she wanted it to be a surprise. She feels like booking the hotel = planning the proposal and that’s the problem. He already planned it, but isn’t trying to act like its a proposal trip, but to me, a more casual “let’s get away for our anniversary! We can go to this place, why don’t you pick/book a hotel.” I’d be more suspicious if he was more secretive about it and did all the planning himself.

Regardless of having a picture of the ring on her fridge, knowing what she wants and finding a receipt/seeing money vanish from their accounts are two different things as well. I had no idea my Fiance had purchased a ring and he went through plenty of trouble to keep it hidden for about 3 weeks. It’s normal these days for couples to discuss what kind of ring the girl would like. I think with pinterest and facebook and everything else, girls are much more aware of what’s out there. Just because a girl wants the proposal to be a surprise, doesn’t mean she can’t have a discussion with her SO about the kind of ring she likes. I think the disappointment comes more from thinking they were on the same page.

I think there might be some concern that he’s throwing all this together and went and bought some random ring just because his best friend is having a baby and he feels like they’re behind, rather than it being a result of him really wanting it (not to say he doesn’t, and sometimes guys might need something like that to realize they’re ready and want those things sooner than later).


OP: You have no idea when the proposal would happen over the weekend getaway. I saw a follow up post where you said you can see some similarities in the ring. If that means it was picked by both of you, think of it as part of life moving forward. You’ll be making decisions together, compromises… everything together. Enjoy this time, focus on how you feel about him. I too think you’re focusing on the wrong things and when you get back to the relationship as your focus, it will just fall into place. 

Post # 35
1112 posts
Bumble bee

marissgee:  I guess technically I planned my own proposal as well. We were in Australia and I always take the lead on planning vacations & finances. So I planned the 3 week trip and he proposed while we were there. Did I do it knowing I would be proposed to? Nope – it was just a trip we had been planning for years. He picked where he wanted to do it and that’s what made it special. 

Go into this beach weekend thinking it’s just a trip for the two of you and forget the proposal. And if/when he proposes, talk to him about the ring if you really don’t love it. You know he has the receipt and most jewellers allow returns.

Post # 36
41 posts
  • Wedding: September 2015

From reading this post, I kind of understand where you are coming from. You dont want to hate the ring and honestly if its not the one you wanted, who cares. If you truly love him and what he stands  for then the ring shouldnt matter. I wanted a certain kind of ring and went with something completely different and I love it because he bought it for me (and it is freaking beautiful) lol. You cant let materialistic things like that bother you because you will come across as snotty and ungreatful, even if thats not the type of person you are. Advice- be happy that he got you a ring to begin with. Just try to loosen up and enjoy this time in your life.

Post # 37
2129 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

marissgee:  Update once he proposes and let us know how it all panned out!

Post # 38
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

crazyventures:  Wondering the same.

Also wondering how this all pans out because it sounds like you booked a hotel for a weekend away and are hoping he proposes.. As opposed to actually planning your own proposal.

Post # 39
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Is he for sure planning on popping the questions during your getaway? Or is this all speculation? 

There were multiple times I thought my Fiance was going to propose, so I got my hopes up and then was disappointed when it didn’t happen.

That being said, I technically also planned my proposal. He said we should go for a picnic, and then I literally went out, bought EVERYTHING and packed blankets, etc. All he then had to do was propose ๐Ÿ˜‰ Honestly I would have been really suspicious if he had planned it, I was even slightly suspicious on the day, but those feelings went away since I was putting so much effort into it.


Post # 41
33 posts
  • Wedding: April 2016


juliaGG:  I agree! I’m not understanding why she is upset; I’m sorry. I have a simple engagement ring that I’m proud of; because the man I love chose this ring, so I wear it with pride.  The love between them, should be what counts; not how much the ring costs or how big the rock is.   :/

Post # 43
33 posts
  • Wedding: April 2016

No hard feelings; I didn’t see that part of your comment. Congrats on your engagement.

Post # 44
17 posts

Disclaimer: My bf’s family have adopted me in even tho he and I areen’t married yet. They act like we are, so when I say sis-in-law or  bro-in-law, its not legal, its just family because they adopted me.

So my bf’s brother (my bro-in-law) proposed to his gf pretty fast. She said she was getting old and wanted to make things even more serious. Anyway, thats how she wanted things so she gave him an ultimatum – engagement or break up. He proposed. The ring was a classic, tiny diamond with a gold band. Simple, simple, simple. I saw a picture, he put it up on facebook.

Fast forward to the wedding and home-girl has a different engagement ring on. Small diamond, white gold band with paved diamonds on the band in a swirl (pretty ring). 

Apparently, she didn’t like the ring he picked and exchanged it for another one she did like. IT HAPPENS.

I told my bf straight up what ring I want, who to contact, how much to pay – EVERYTHING. Because I want to love the ring I have forever but also not go into debt for having it… and my boyfriend would spend 20 grand on a ring I could get for 2 grand…  ANY WAY. I told him everything and that I wouldnt get to see the ring in person and he could plan the whole proposal.


Don’t worry about the surprise of the proposal. You’ll still tear up when he see him on that knee. Don’t worry about the ring – save the reciept and tell him that you like the ring but you have a dream ring in mind and you want to exchange it. Keep the stone and set it in a setting you prefer. 

He will understand. Women exchnage rings ALL THE TIME. He is pretty stupid for not paying attention – honestly some boys need it spelled out for them. But do not worry. You will exchange the ring. I have been dissapointed many times by my guy and he will dissapoint me in the future too i know it, but I love that boy anyway and thats all that matters.

p.s get excited by the dinner y’all are gonna have on that night! Food is the best!

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