i just realized my future MIL doesn't like me

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Be very wary! 

Do you want children? If so, make sure you and your fiancé are on the same page with respect to grandparent involvement etc. Does he expect to spend holidays with mommy? For her to participate in all your nuclear family celebrations?Will she expect a key to your house? To be able to “drop in”?

i think a man having a good relationship with his mother and treating her well is a massive plus. When that drifts into mummy’s boy territory then it becomes a huge problem. 

You need to discuss these things before you marry. 

Post # 3
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I have a similar issue.  FH still lives at home (he seriously helps them out with finances, so he’s not just mooching), so I see her all the time.  What I do to get through it is just be polite, bite my toung, but don’t go out of my way to do anything for her.  I don’t think that her dislike of me has anything to do with me, as much as it is that I’m marrying her youngest son.  Idk if this helps, but I hope it all turns out ok.

Post # 4
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

DH’s family is rude enough to me that I KNOW they don’t like me, his mom has come around in recent years but still… I’m not dumb.

Kill em with kindness. I’ve tried for years to get them to like me and all of it was wasted effort. Plaster a smile on your face and keep her at an arms length. I’ve started going to therapy because his family has fucked with my head so much and its been incredibly helpful. 

Set boundaries with your FI; for example, my Darling Husband seems to think that when his family says jump, the answer should be how high. He feels guilty for not spending enough time with them when we spend OODLES (I’m talking summer house long weekends, four or five days in a cottage/lodge with his family…. yeah no thanks!). 

Figure out what you’re comfortable with and what’s reasonable – somewhere in between, you’ll find a happy medium that will keep him happy, his mom happy AND most importantly, makes YOU happy. Good luck OP – be prepared to deal with this kinda stuff for the long haul, its part of the package.

Post # 7
Member
1698 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

ridgebacklover :  I’m just gonna suggest heading over to DWIL nation.  You’re gonna get some real blunt advice from people who have lived it.

Post # 8
Member
743 posts
Busy bee

I think if anyone could give a easy answer to this the’d make a million. Best advice I have is to just be patient and hope she gets used to the idea that her son has a wife. Hopefully you Fiance will but you and your marriage first. if it gets too difficult to deal with her, then maybe have just your Fiance deal with her most of the time. Can’t always make things work out wonderfuly with people. I think if everyone only married people with families that they got along with perfectly all the time no one would ever get married.

 

Post # 9
Member
2331 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Let her wear the tiara! I’m pretty sure people still know who the bride is 

Post # 10
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I don’t give a crap to be honest. Like many husbands, mine has a fairly laid back approach to how often we see his family. If I don’t push him, he’ll only suggest it a few times a year. So the upshot is that that is all she sees of him. 

Post # 12
Member
2331 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

ridgebacklover :  Except maybe your attitude over simple things like a tiara are half the problem here.

If that s your one example of her being overbearing you need to grow up 

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