Post # 1
Let me lay everything out. I have mom and dad who have been married 42 years and are currently going through a divorce and I have my 22 year old heroin addict brother. My dad and I have never had a good relationship, from the time I could understand, it was made clear that my brother was his priority and that I was tolerated. Despite all of that, I still wanted him to be at the wedding because he’s my dad afterall. On the other hand, my brother was never invited to the wedding to begin with because he’s just an all around awful person and my Fiance and I don’t trust him and we don’t want him there, simple as that.
Today, there was a situation. I was over at my parent’s house for the weekend with a close friend who happens to be pregnant, my brother also just so happened to be there. My friend accidentally spilled her drink on my brother’s phone charger and fried it, his immediate response was to get up in her face and he said, “what the f**k is your problem? I have no problem with beating your ugly pregnant a**, you dumb c**t” (yes, those exact words). My dad hears yelling, comes out and yells at my friend for ruining my brother’s cable. I obviously step in, pull my friend out of the situation, and I took her back home. When I get back to the house I confront my dad about it and he said, “I’m sorry that’s the way you feel, but she was in the wrong.” Excuse me? She ACCIDENTALLY fried a $10 charger and your son just threatened to beat a pregnant woman and you’re telling me that you’re sorry I’m upset about it? That was the final straw for me. I realized that I don’t want him at my wedding and as a matter of fact, I don’t want him in my life. So I just flat out said that and left.
I don’t regret the things that I said, because it’s the way I feel and it’s the way that I’ve always felt, but because my parents were together and I would still have to see my dad whenever I was visiting my mom I’ve never said it.
Has anyone else ever had to deal with something like this. Do you regret removing this person from your wedding or even your life? My wedding is 3 weeks away and I just want it to be over with, I’ve never had this much family drama and it’s draining.
Post # 2
I’m sorry you had to go through life like that. It makes me so angry when people make it impossible for you to have the day/life/relationship you want and deserve. But I think you were right to accept that having your dad present on your wedding day isn’t the same thing as someone having their supportive/loving dad there on their wedding day. He already robbed you of that experience many years ago, you didn’t choose to live without it yourself.
Post # 3
Geez wtf? I would also univite him. He sounds extremely toxic. Im sorry bee
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA
I’m so sorry for you. You did the right thing. Big hugs to you!
Post # 5
Wow. You’ve definitely made a good descision. I would not want someone in my life who thinks that threatening assault for accidentally spilling a drink is in any way acceptable. I’m sorry that your dad and brother are shitty people. Life is better with fewer shitty people in it.
Post # 6
Holy shit! I responded to another post and told that Bee that under special terrible circumstances is really the only time I think someone in your immediate family shouldn’t be invited to your wedding….ANDDD this is one of the times where you need to CO.
your dad is a codependent enabler to the nth degree. Your brother will never stop using until your father comes to his senses. They sound enmeshed and completely unhealthy together. And your father can’t see the forest through the trees. If I were you I’d stay away too. Not worth the drama they will bring to your life, and they most certainly will drag you down with them.
Post # 7
Yeah, I’ve been through some stuff like this. In my case the ‘brother’ would have actually hit and beat the woman in question, or at least tried to. The rest of the family would have just refused to talk about it, then later on claim I was remembering it wrong. Regarless of how many witnesses I had agreeing with me that a attack happened. Family would have just said she fell into a chair.
You did the right thing. No way do you need someone there that threatens violence, and may be best to just let your father have his way and let him keep company with the brother that can do no wrong. Probably just a matter of time before your brother wrongs your dad as well.
Just enjoy your wedding and dismiss the rest of it best you can. You are a adult and have the liberty to make that choice no matter who may disagree with it. I’m proud of you for getting your friend out of harms way, I bet she is as well. Good luck with your wedding and enjoy it!
Post # 8
Your father and brother can go take a long walk off a short bridge. It does make me wonder about the family dynamic if your brother is revered and still turned to heroin, but whatever. You made the right call. I absolutely would have done the same. Your poor friend! I hope she’s not affected by it.
I only invited my father on paper, I wouldn’t have it I’d have thought he’d be able to make it. Thankfully I was able to talk him out of it but I made the call with every intention of retracting the invitation. He was not someone I wanted at my wedding. He is toxic and I limit my interactions with him as much as possible. Yours sounds the same.
I’m sorry that you got such a dud family but you’re starting your own now with your lovely fiance. Don’t spend a second more worrying about those good for nothings. I applaud you for standing up to them. Have s fabulous stress free wedding!
Post # 9
Funny how a small incident with a $10 charger and an accidentally spilled drink, can bring out the truth about who someone really is, down deep.
See this as an illustration of where your father’s feelings truly lie. If you can move along with just your mother in your life and never see your father and brother again, you will be blessed.
Post # 10
By time I’ve cut someone off, I’ve usually given them enough rope…
Your bro and dad sound awful.
If you need extra justification for why uninviting them is the best course of action… If your pregnant friend’s OH will be at your wedding, your brother (and dad) might have been in for a really bad night. I can’t imagine most people being okay with their pregnant sister/ daughter/ partner being threatened in that manner… and your brother doesn’t seem like the type who would apologize instead of antagonizing further.
Post # 11
I am sorry you have to go through this – take care on your wedding day! They both sound toxic!