- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
I am not sure if this post is a venting post or if I’m asking for advice, or wanting people to share their own experiences.
I am unsure where to start really. The relationship between my fiancé and his mother is an interesting one. He still lives at home but will be moving out in two weeks when we get married. She is very critical of him and he can never seem to do anything right (the stress of having visitors come and stay makes her worse, which they’ve had this week).
Most recent example(s):
They’ve had my FI’s aunt and new baby cousin staying this week. Mum and baby (5 months) have been sleeping in the spare room opposite FI’s. One night he came home from seeing me and went to put something in his room, wasn’t making any mega noise just the usual everyday noises you get from walking around, opening a door etc. and his mum has a massive go at him and bans him from entering that part of the house, until he was going to bed.
Before that, he was feeling a bit sniffy and chesty, but not poorly with in himself, and one night he spent the whole night coughing, unable to sleep. His mum, instead of being concerned for his health shouts at him for keeping her awake and tells him he shouldn’t go to work (it was his day off but was going in for a meeting) and that he should stay away and that his health is more important. Now normally, my fiancé refuses to do what his mother says but this time complied and instead, went to do something he had been planning on doing that afternoon. When he returned, his mum had a massive go at him for not going to work and that his career should be more important than anything else – he cannot win with her!
I am really proud of my fiancé and I wish his mother was the same. In the 3 years we have been together I don’t think I can recall one time she has said anything positive towards/about him and whenever anyone says something positive about him an almost confused/amused face appears on her, almost as if she can’t believe we are talking about her son.
There are many things he has done to be proud of – he has worked for the same company for the past 12 years and worked his way up, he has been saving money relentlessly and now owns a house with me, he is getting married – I could keep going.
I think it is such a shame that she is unable to see the wonderful son she has but rather chooses to focus on what he could achieve rather than what he already has.
Does anyone have any experience of this? How do you deal with it as the daughter in law?