I just want to hang with you… not your husband!

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Maybe add “just us two” to your next invite?

Post # 4
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Maybe your friend has social anxiety…I sure do and I drag my Fiance everywhere.  My therapist says it’s like a security blanket in human form.  But if I’m really intentional and my friend asks me to come alone I will…but it’s hard and stressful on me. 

We typically make plans where we can all go out together, so she and I will hit up a craft fair, bring the guys along, and they’ll run off for an hour or so and let us browse.

I can’t say that it’s normal or right or wrong…but for me it’s pretty stressful.  And I feel bad for my friend…but lol I think she’s actually the same way which is why it works so well.

Post # 6
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Maybe try saying “girl’s day”?

Post # 9
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@cirk:  Well, I guess the only way to know is to ask. 

I guess putting myself in her shoes…the only concern would be if I was thinking you were uncomfortable with my Fiance being around…if that was what was helping me to go out and be social.

So, asking but staying true to wanting to understand and not judge.  And then coming up with mutually agreeable solutions…like maybe he comes along but hangs out at a coffee shop while you all go for lunch or something.  You know…but this is soooo much more about me than your friend.  I have no idea what her deal is lol.

 

 

Post # 11
Member
1159 posts
Bumble bee

Wow, i don’t envy your position!

The only thing i can think of is to out right ask her not to bring her husband (i wouldn’t have the balls to do it)

OR

Invite her somewhere where only women are allowed to go e.g. pole dancing class? womens gym? (although i admit this is an extreme option and it would suck to have to do this)

Post # 12
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@cirk:  Potential social anxiety is a good possibility. On the other end of the spectrum is the hubby. Is there a possibility that she does tell her Darling Husband that it’s girls only, for you two to hang out etc, and he simply ignores it and invites himself to go?

My ex was notorious for trying to invite himself along whenever I hung out with my mom/friends/family. He had severe control issues. Another ex of mine would follow me to make sure I wasn’t ‘cheating’ on him when I went with my girlfriends to a club.

Hopefully this isn’t the case with your friend, but maybe her Darling Husband is lonely, bored, controlling, mistrustful, or something else that causes him to feel that he has to tag along.

 

Post # 13
Member
973 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

“Hey, want go do X?  Just girl time.  I need some girl only time, no men.  Can we do that?”.  That’s what my best friend does to me.  I’m such a tomboy I can’t really draw the line where Darling Husband should/shouldn’t be and most of my friends are guys… but my best friend (who is absolutely awesome) needs plenty of “girl only time”.  And that’s how she gets it.

On the other hand I ask before having him come along anywhere and never assume anyone invited him just because I’m invited, so I see why you’re having an issue with what she does.  I’d feel the same way with someone I didn’t expect coming (even if it was a husband), just cause you’re a couple doesn’t mean you can’t breathe or have friends without the other tagging along lol.

Post # 14
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Aw that sucks for u but is kinda cute for them and thats sorta how me and my hubby are. But my gfs and i do try to designate at least 1-2 nights per month without husbands just to chat and catch up. I agree it is very important. Darling Husband also has guy time w his friends. But i do feep guilty when i leave to hang w my girls and hes staying home alone so maybe her hubby doesnt have many friends? I definitely understand your frustration though that would get old fast. 

Post # 15
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

I say do all of the above but also ask your Fiance could put on an event at the same time and he invite him ou at the same time as t when youre inviting her out. He definitely needs separate man time too. 

 

If this fails I would seriously talk, ideally them if with your Fiance. Be positive and tell them you want to spend more boy only and girl only time with each of them and is there any reason they dont want to? (not – what youre doing is not normal – that wont go down well). There is something going on here and it may or may not be healthy

Post # 16
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

EDIT: I also spend a stupid amount of time with Fiance and some friends call us weird but we know when not to bring each other along when our friends/family need support. I’d automatically think this is  a time when my friend doesnt need a guy around

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