Post # 1
So, my mother always tells me this, and she always seems to believe that I’m throwing my life away if I don’t do a successful business career, lots of money, acquire fame, travel the world, have a ton of friends, and become a very social woman.
She doesn’t realize that that’s just not my style. I realize she has regrets about her own life, but at 22 I’m already graduating from an Ivy League school, having started out in one of the poorer countries of Eastern Europe. I have a happy and healthy relationship and live together with my long-term, sweet and mature boyfriend, have a great job lined up for next year and plans to start my self-employed career after we get married (can’t before that due to visa reasons). Yet, every time we talk about engagement she goes off on a rant about how she just wants me to be happy and live my early 20s.
The thing is, I’m having the time of my life! My idea of having fun is spending time with my couple of close friends or my SO, and my idea of a perfect life is running a creative and fulfilling at-home business (no big-name fame), living in the mountains and spending lots of time in nature, and just having a relaxed life with my family. Ideally I would be a creative stay-at-home mom, but my SO’s career path just doesn’t allow me to do that, and we both believe in equality so he can also spend lots of time with the kids instead of slaving away so I can stay at home.
I understand that she comes from a different background, and she totally is the type-A personality that goes after every goal and gets it (her star sign is a Leo…), but I’m just not like that. And yet every time she says that and I tell her that I already am happy and that traveling the world is not my thing and that I derive happiness from other things, she just looks at me with an incredulous look on her face.
Ok, vent over. Has this happened to any of you bees? I know my mom loves me and wants only the best for me, but she can drive me bonkers sometimes! LOL
Post # 3
Not to this extreme, but my mom has mentioned that I’m too young to get married (because she knows me and my SO are planning on getting engaged) and I’m 24. She married my dad when she was 23!!! HELLO!!!? Lol she had me when she was 26. Hypocrite much? Regrets from getting married so “young” maybe? But I’m always like Mom, relax…we are grown up now I’m old enough to get married. She thinks I need to see what other fish are in the sea because I’ve only had 2 serious boyfriends with a tons of duds inbetween.
I feel your pain girl hahaha…seems like your very very happy though so that’s the best way to prove her wrong and shut her up! hahah
Post # 4
I would tell her that you are a grown woman and that you are entitled to make your own decisions. I would also tell her that she is attempting to live vicariously through you, and that this type of pressure is not fair.
I would be really supportive about it though. It is obvious she has regrets, and that she doesn’t want you to have those also. Next time she tries to tell you that you should be doing something, ask her if it’s what she wants to do. More than likely, it either is something she wants to do, or is something she wanted to do. Either way, she should still do it – I’d tell her age is no barrier.
Maybe once she starts living her life, she will stop trying to make you live yours the way she wants you to.
Post # 5
I think it’s hard for parents to let go. We’re still their little girls! My mom had a similar feelings I suppose when I was in college, my SO was studying abroad, and she didn’t want me to not meet other people, and not have fun. I had to explain it to her, just because SO is away, does not mean I am sitting by the phone waiting for him to call and I can’t hang out with both girls and guys that are friends, or new people I meet in class! I think she got it over time, but I know they’re just looking out for us. Hard to deal with sometimes, I know!