- 4 years ago
- Wedding: November 2007
DH and I have suffered two miscarriages, and ultimately decided to be CBC. We have thought very long and hard about this, and decided this path was best for us. I am not upset about my decision in the least.
I am, however, still heartbroken over the two miscarriages I went through previously. I have tried to push them to the back of my mind, but they keep resurfacing in my dreams. Almost every night I will dream about finding out I’m pregnant, being happy and scared, and then losing the baby within 1-2 weeks- which is what happened with the two that I’ve actually gone through.
I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m going crazy. I have generalized anxiety and a panic disorder, so I often wake up in the middle of a panic attack from these dreams. I can’t shake them, and I have no clue what to do.
The situation is always different in the dreams; I’ll be using a different brand of test, I’ll find out in a different house/location, I’ll either be with DH or he will be on his way to me when I take the tests. Then one-two weeks will pass in a blur, and I will be losing the baby.
We are CBC now, so I don’t want children.
I was previously undecided on children, and we did attempt TTC then. We got pregnant the first time after 13 months of TTC, and were very scared but happy. The second time was ~7-8 months after that, and we lost the baby almost immediately after finding out I was pregnant.
Is there any real reason I’m still having nightmares about this, over 2 years later?