Post # 316
chocco : Yes, they should be, but they aren’t for the OP. OPs feelings and desires are trumping the dogs as the most important. If they were the most important, she would be making the very hard decision to keep them together and say goodbye when the ex takes both. Instead, we have 21 pages of the OP attempting any and every possible scenario in which SHE gets what SHE wants no matter the stress to the “most important” dogs. She KNOWS it will be stressful for them, this sham of a joint custody agreement, yet she’s okay with that so SHE feels better.
Sometimes hard decisions need to be made, this is one of those cases. But OP is willing to drag it out, put herself, the dogs, and her ex and his new girlfriend through a long, seemingly painful process because she can’t put the dogs first.
The best solution for these “most important” dogs is that they stay together with the ex. OP can’t accept that, so she’s avoiding it. That doesn’t make them the most important, that makes them the second most important.
Post # 317
camelliasinensis14 : I didn’t read the remaining pages of your previous thread or most of this one, but since you said your ex is going to be in a new property sooner than you, just wondering if this will be with his new partner? If so, then all the more reason to avoid joint custody. You will keep running into her during pick ups and drop offs. You do not need that.
Besides, she will not want you to be a part of his life in any capacity going forward, even if she agreed for the time being to his request. I think you should take one dog and get another, but if the guilt of separating them is getting to you before it’s even happened and he’s made it known that he will not give both dogs to you as per your update, then let him take both.
Post # 318
MsPlucky : So it’s both of them, the ex boyfriend and her, who are putting themselves first. Her post on the last page says he told her there’s no chance he’ll give her both dogs.
If the dogs need to be together, that can be with her or with him. They will not be any better off living with the ex than with her. She needs to make up her mind if she can be totally selfless and give them to him. Easier said than done with dogs that you adore and are pretty much family.
Post # 319
aquamarine22 : Well, technically they are his dogs, not hers. And she has said he will have a permanent, more stable home before she will. They aren’t hers to “give,” that’s been established, and is also why she has no legal recourse on the matter. So, really her only choices are to keep one and hope her ex keeps his word in letting her adopt it legally, or to accept the fact that if the dogs need to stay together, they’re doing so with the ex, as he’s clearly stated.
Post # 320
MsPlucky : alexandrite :
He will have a house soon and she said several pages back that he will be living there with his new girlfriend. As someone pointed out there too, it’s better for the dogs to live in a two-person household. That way you can plan to have someone around at home more often than not. Looking after the pets will be simpler. When you begin dating again, you’ll have to rely on others to look after them and hire dog sitters when you go out. It will not be practical for you to have the dogs.
Post # 321
MsPlucky : very well said.
Post # 322
violet90 : * I do not think separating them is wise, that would be much more stressful on them than the other options. I have no idea why people think sharing custody would be hard on the dogs, I think they would be perfectly fine, they love both of you. The differences in adventures at each home might be fun for them and break up the monotony. While not ideal that you have to see your ex, it sounds like you love the dogs enough to get beyond that. People have to address sharing childten in difficult divorces, why should the OP opt to just let her dogs go? No one would suggest that with kids and yes, there is obviously a difference between kids and pets, but for some their pets are like their kids.*
I agree and there is no reason not to give joint custody a go. He might be reluctant but he’s willing to give it a go. For all you know, it may work out fine! Yes, the dogs will be going from one house to the other, but it’s not necessarily disruptive unless it’s happening day in day out and they might get used to it. And it’s true that to many people dogs are like their kids. You can’t just hand them over and move on like nothing happened.
If they are close to selling their home, then she will soon have a place like he will, I presume.
elfbee : That will be a non issue if they have joint custody. She can go out on dates when the dogs are with the ex.
Post # 323
MsPlucky : But she wrote in the latest comment that she was in fact considering doing what’s best for the dogs including giving them to him as per her friend’s suggestion, and that she doesn’t want to be selfish with them.
I think the dogs will get used to being apart but she might feel they will not be ok seeing what the dogs are like together.
Post # 324
Some of the messages are very inconsiderate.
This is someone who was setting up a home with a man for nearly a decade but now she’s about to lose her house, one or both pets and of course her partner (who she said she lived with for years and thought was going to marry).
That is a huge blow for even the strongest person and a bit of sensitivity cannot be too much to ask for.
Post # 325
MsPlucky : I meant that I knew joint custody was less than ideal. I wasn’t referring to him taking both dogs.
I know that it would be best for them to live in one home, but it’s very painful to think about letting both my dogs go. We are only planning joint custody as a trial arrangement first.
alexandrite : They already live together. He’s temporarily living with her after the woman she shares the place with (and who also owns the place) allowed him to live there while the house sale is ongoing. He’s found the house he wants to buy and that’s why he’s in a hurry to sell off the house we own together. He plans to move to that house with her. I have been looking for a place for myself but haven’t found anything I liked very much yet.
jasminek : That’s right. In a joint custody arrangement, I can go out when the dogs aren’t with me. Also, arranging for the dogs to be looked after when we both were out was not difficult, and it wouldn’t be difficult even if it’s just me responsible for one or both dogs.
Post # 326
MsPlucky : I can’t be sure until it happens, but he did assure me again that he would legally transfer ownership of one dog to me if we split the dogs.
Post # 327
tobeeeornottobeee : Yep; all those things, and to add to that, she was also betrayed by her friend. I wouldn’t want the dogs anywhere near the ex friend in her place.
camelliasinensis14 : Wouldn’t it be better to take that offer up? Do you trust him to keep his word on joint custody?
Post # 328
chocco : Why would the girlfriend need to be kept away from the dogs? I think she told OP’s ex that she wanted the dogs. On top of that, the dogs are actually his, so I doubt she would neglect the dogs as they are her boyfriend’s and according to OP, he loves the dogs a lot.
I agree with the post above that a house with 2 people who can look after the pets would be better than one person who is going to start over and date again.
Post # 329
mel76 : lolol at these comments assuming that this affair relationship is going to stand the test of time.
Post # 330
KittyYogi : It might or might not, but that goes for any relationship.
They are going to live together, so it’s not far fetched to assume it’s a serious relationship.