I keep one pet and ex wants to take the other following break up?

posted 4 weeks ago in Pets
Post # 362
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee

camelliasinensis14 :  At least you are listening to some of the advice here. You’ll find out for yourself that joint custody is not as easy as it may seem.

Post # 363
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2020 - City, State

camelliasinensis14 :  I think it’s totally understandable that you don’t want to give up both. I don’t think I would either, I think most people are responding to you stating you didn’t want to seperate them. Our aussie died last may, and my dobermans were really upset for a while, but they moved on. It does help that we have two dogs, so that they weren’t completely alone. I think getting a new dog when you’re settled with the dog you take from the split will be good for you, and for the dog that’s used to having a companion. Things will be different, but I think ultimately, it will make you happier in the long run, even if it sucks for a while. My main concern is your mental health with the “joint custody” arrangement. I really don’t think it’s sustainable, but obviously do what is right for you and that what you choose is for the right reasons.

Post # 364
Member
231 posts
Helper bee

camelliasinensis14 :  Usually my ex comes to the house in my absence but last time he was at the house to be with the dogs, he got here as I was leaving and we had a brief discussion about the dogs. I asked him again if we can please go for joint custody for one month and we will know if it works. He said ok but we will end the arrangement if the dogs do not adjust well.

Mental health, as pp said, is the primary reason, but your ex boyfriend and you might have disagreements over the dogs and their care over the years and this is yet another reason that you might be creating more stress for yourself by asking him to go for this arrangement. A month long trial arrangement will not prepare you for this.

Post # 365
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

camelliasinensis14 :  He said ok but we will end the arrangement if the dogs do not adjust well.

I am almost certain that after this ‘trial’ he will tell you that the dogs are not coping well. He clearly does not want to do joint custody.

Post # 366
Member
6599 posts
Bee Keeper

alexandrite :  Yeah I’m confused as to why OP is pushing that as well. At this point it sounds like the ex is allowing the “trial” prob so he doesnt look like even more of an asshole (cheating AND taking her dogs away), but at the end will just say “welp we tried, now lets go back to the original option or I’ll keep both”. OP is just delaying it.

Post # 367
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

jellybellynelly :  Yes that’s what I think will happen, too. He is against it and on top of that, his girlfriend will undoubtedly hate the idea of keeping OP in their lives like this for years. If he doesn’t, I bet she will put an end to joint custody.

Post # 368
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

Do you trust him to return those dogs to you after his turn? You trusted him once and got another woman into your relationship to experiment and he broke your trust in him in the worst way imaginable. Did you get him to agree in writing in a text message? At least have it in writing somewhere. 

Post # 369
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

camelliasinensis14 :  Well, a one month trial can’t do much harm but won’t do any good. I guess it’s something that you have to go through to understand.

Post # 374
Member
1217 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

camelliasinensis14 :  I can almost guarantee that she is going to be annoyed. I’ve seen this play out in a friend’s life (Fran) who is dating a divorced man (Dan) who is sharing custody of his dogs with his ex-wife (Erica). Fran (my friend) isn’t like your friend (Fran met David after he was divorced), but the fact that they have shared custody of the dogs with Erica does get in the way of their plans sometimes and the connection to Erica does bother Fran (she’s a bit of the jealous type)… not enough to bug Dan about it, but enough to bitch to me about it. Especially since Fran is an animal lover and therefore a bit critical about how Erica takes care of the dogs.

I am almost certain that this ex-friend of yours who your ex-boyfriend cheated on you with is going to be annoyed. Because let’s face it, it’s a connection to you. It’s you seeing him (and/or her) every 2 weeks at the drop-off/pick-up. It’s them having to plan regarding the dogs with you and around your/their schedule together.

And if someone wants to move (like Erica is considering), it’s an extra dose of headache, heartache, and annoyance. Essentially these dogs will be tethering you and your ex-boyfriend together, and I think you’re a bit naive if you don’t think that your ex-friend is going to absolutely hate that. She took away your man, she’s not going to want him to be connected to you through the dogs.

I understand why you want to keep both of the dogs, but I’m telling you this so that you’re not naive about what I see as the probable outcome of this situation–that the joint custody isn’t going to work out because your ex-boyfriend doesn’t sound on board and because I am 100% convinced that your ex-friend will be whispering stuff in his ear about how annoying it is to have to share the dogs with you.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors