I keep one pet and ex wants to take the other following break up?

posted 2 months ago in Pets
Post # 31
Member
10853 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

bearinabeecostume :  

There is no such thing as ‘joint custody’ for pets.  The law considers pets to be personal property.  They are not children.  Some jurisdictions are better than others at recognizing emotional attachments, but, legally, a pet is property.

This is an example where anthropomorphizising is really harmful.  Constantly being batted back and forth between humans is terrible for dogs.  They are not human children.  They don’t understand it.  It’s confusing and can be very agitating.

Projecting human ideas and emotions onto animals is not helpful.

 

Post # 32
Member
530 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I skimmed through your last post, and from what I gather, he cheated and this is not a pleasant split.

IMO, you should get both of the dogs. Darling Husband and I got our dog before we were married, and made the decision that if we broke up in a non-amicable way, the person doing the leaving would forfeit the right to keep her. It’s beyond cruel to end your relationship AND take the pet. 

Post # 33
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Unless the dogs are very old, I don’t think splitting them will be that bad for them, especially if you both get them another buddy. Dogs are so adaptable. The two of you, on the other hand, will have a harder time with it I think.

My dog was a rescue. He cake from a house with another dog. I would have liked to keep them together but his “sister” had already been adopted out to someone else. Of course he can’t tell me if he’s grieving but he seemed to adjust just fine to our home and is a happy and goofy pup.

Post # 34
Member
883 posts
Busy bee

sassy411 :  I didn’t say “legal”. They can come to a personal agreement. Not all breakups have to end badly. And assuming sharing custody of the animals would be detrimental to their emotional well being is simply untrue. I know many a dog who absolutely love traveling with their handlers, away from family. 

Post # 35
Member
1264 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

sassy411 :  Actually, my ex-husband had a split custody clause for our dog put into our divorce decree. I also have a friend who did the same when she and her ex divorced.

Post # 36
Member
883 posts
Busy bee

wineosaur :  A bit different, but my cousin was awarded a restraining order against his ex, for his dog. She tried to steal the dog during the divorce. 

Post # 37
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee

dianaj17 :  Basically from her other thread, her boyfriend cheated after she asked her boyfriend for a threesome. He had cheated with the friend who had joined them for a threesome. So they were getting engaged but they instead broke up and he left for the other woman because he still wanted to be with her. 

She asked him to pay the entire selling costs involved in selling their home rather than pay half because he cheated. He agreed to pay all costs so she didn’t have to pay 50%.

Now he should also lose both dogs? 

There should be an end to the demands even if he cheated.

Post # 38
Member
530 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

saturnian :  Maybe I’m vindictive, but I really do think that the person opting to leave is the one who should shoulder the bulk of the consequences. That being said, in this case (I didn’t read all 20-something pages), I’d offer to cover my half of the sellers fees and then keep the dogs. 

Post # 39
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

dianaj17 :  Yeah he cheated, came back, then left for that woman he cheated with eventually, and OP wanted him to pay all costs. That was understandable because he left and they are having to sell because of that. The dogs belong to both of them and they both love the dogs. It’s not appropriate to try and hold on to both. It really looks like she is trying to hurt him in every way she can, rather than purely being concerned about her dogs.

Post # 40
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

wineosaur :  Did your dogs find it difficult to adjust?

Post # 41
Member
1264 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

chocco :  Not really, he’s extremely social and loves going places so he’d get excited when he knew we were going to dad’s house. My ex works long hours so that was the biggest issue, the dog would be home alone a lot on his “custody” time (ex’s stepdaughter is allergic so I have the dog 100% of the time now).

Post # 42
Member
530 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

mel76 :  see, I don’t view it as trying intentionally to be hurtful. One person unilaterally decided to upend their stable family life with a house and two dogs. Why should the person who DIDN’T make that decision be the one to suffer both the loss of their house and their pets?

Post # 43
Member
2772 posts
Sugar bee

I wasn’t willing to go to court over the a dog that we got together.  My ex wanted her and I knew he would take care of her, so I let her go. I did attempt to see if he would let me see her on occassion, but we needed to just got contact and be done.  

You have to decide how far you are willing to go for your dogs.  

Post # 44
Member
1213 posts
Bumble bee

Seriously? Her ex cheated on her FOR A YEAR. During which he lied to her, deceived her, embarrassed her, and broke her heart. He said he was going to PROPOSE to her and was looking at rings, then took it back. Now she has to move so he can go be with the other woman. No, he doesn’t effing get the dogs. He already has someone. He does not get to screw around, tear apart a relationship, break a heart, then move on with his dogs and another woman while OP is alone and broken hearted. No, not even ONE dog. She should be getting both. 

Honestly, if it were me I would start talking to mutual friends and his family about how awful everything is and how not only is he forcing her to move so he can be with his new woman but also is trying to take the dogs away after everything else. Hopefully people can shame him into letting her keep both of them, because that is just messed up.

Post # 45
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee

strawberrysakura :  She said he wants to take one, not both dogs, because they both adore the dogs.  He’s trying to negotiate with her obviously. Hardly taking them away by force.

Tell mutual friends that you convinced your boyfriend to have a threesome and he eventually left for the other woman? That’s embarrassing for both of them.

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