I keep one pet and ex wants to take the other following break up?

posted 2 months ago in Pets
Post # 46
Member
2309 posts
Buzzing bee

he DESERVES to be punished, though. if he hadn’t cheated, if he hadn’t lied, if he’d just been up-front and said “hey, I don’t want to be with you anymore” it would be a different story; rather, he made OP’s life a living hell for the past year with a tumultuous emotional situation. fuck him. call me a vindictive bitch if you want, but I honestly think he deserves to be lonely and miserable for the rest of his pathetic life…but I suppose that’s neither here nor there. 

to me, he seems to be treating the dogs like chattel to be bargained off. “Which one do you want to take?” OP is distraught because she doesn’t want to separate the dogs…he doesn’t seem to care about the dogs emotional well-being. 

Post # 47
Member
6791 posts
Busy Beekeeper

If anyone actually cared about the dogs instead of wanting to punish a person, they would probably stay with him. OP admits he’d love both and will have the better home for them (larger/more spacious). 

Post # 48
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee

jellybellynelly :  Exactly. She agreed he’s got more financial resources, will probably be in a more spacious home, and loves both pets but said that it wouldn’t be fair for them to take both, so suggested he takes one pet.

She pretty much admitted the dogs would be better off with her ex, but somehow keeping pets together is only a solution for her if she keeps both of them? 

Post # 49
Member
1206 posts
Bumble bee

saturnian :  First of all, they BOTH decided to have a threesome. I don’t care who brought it up, no one was dragged into it. And in this day and age it’s hardly something to clutch pearls about. Just because they tried something new does NOT give anyone license to cheat and I find the victim blaming pretty concerning. 

Second, I know he offered to just take one. No. No to that. The ENTIRE reason any moving and discussion of dogs is happening is because of HIS ACTIONS. She’s innocent in that. He’s extremely selifsh and awful and instead of karma he’s making out ahead in this, not her. How dare he even try to ‘negotiate’ with her? The guy has no shame. 

Honestly, in the grand scheme of things to be embarrassed about, I think carrying on an affair with a friend for a YEAR is a bit worse than having a mutually agreed upon threesome with consenting adults. 

Post # 50
Member
1206 posts
Bumble bee

jellybellynelly :  Having a larger home doesn’t automatically equal a better place for the dogs. I fail to see how how two selfish, dishonest, and morally bankrupt people are ideal choices for caring for pets.  

You may not see a connection between how he and their ‘friend’ treated the OP, but personally I believe that they both display character flaws that aren’t exactly great when you have to think of others. Especially pets that depend on you. 

Post # 52
Member
6791 posts
Busy Beekeeper

strawberrysakura :  I don’t think having an affair means that someone can’t care for pets. I think he did a shitty thing to the OP. I don’t think that means he isn’t a fit pet parent, and OP also recognizes that. 

Post # 53
Member
1206 posts
Bumble bee

jellybellynelly :  I know, that’s where we disagree. I think that someone who is selfish and thoughtless towards people is going to be someone selfish and thoughtless towards pets. So on a normal day he probably loves them fine, but when it comes at the expense of his having a good time or during a difficult situation, I wonder how great of a pet parent he really is. 

Post # 54
Member
6791 posts
Busy Beekeeper

strawberrysakura :  Definitely. To me, yes, he should have broken up with the OP instead of carrying on an affair behind her back. But OP admits he adores them, and there is no mention of any mistreatment. I think people are getting emotional about the situation, and arent thinking about the best interest of the dogs. 

If someone is homeless and a great person, I don’t think that’s necessarily a better home for the pups then someone with money, a house, a yard, who made a mistake. (not saying op is going to be homeless, just the example of means). 

Post # 55
Member
10852 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

strawberrysakura :  

Yeah, the ex deserves pretty serious side eye in all of this.  So his motives are being impugned—that’s a consequence of showing yourself to be a worthless reprobate.

Let’s see a list of every thing he has DONE that would demonstrate his alleged superior pet parenting skills.  Words don’t mean jack.  This guy’s words are especially suspect.

Show us a track record of specific, quantifiable BEHAVIORS.  The house he may have in the future does not mean shit.  The resources he might be able to access, so effin what?  What has he frickin DONE for the dogs?

Somebody actually said he should get the dogs because he will probably have a more spacious house.  WTAF? By that measure, Jeffrey Epstein should have adopted a crap ton of dogs.

After 30 years in dogs, 10 years training professionally, and doing my share of rescue, I have gotten real clear on what bullshit looks like when it comes to who loooooooovvvvveeeeeeessssss the dogs.  Don’t even bother to try.

Post # 57
Member
2309 posts
Buzzing bee

jellybellynelly :  I respectfully disagree. A larger house is nice, but not a requirement by any means for a dog to live a happy life. You can make a dog’s life enjoyable and healthy by spending a lot of time outdoors, giving constant love and affection, and making sure that they’re mentally stimulated…none of that requires having a large house. If anything, having a large house with a big yard just allows you to be a lazier dog parent…you can just put them outside for a couple hours while they play amongst themselves (not saying that all people who own dogs and large homes do this—it just becomes an option).

In any instance, I don’t think it’s fair to say the person with more space/money would be a better dog parent. It would’ve really hurt my feelings for someone to think that my dog would’ve been better off with someone else just because I lived in a one bedroom apartment when we found him. I think as long as the dog has sufficient shelter, food, and money for healthcare, all other things should just be considered bonuses, not requirements for a decent quality of life. 

Also, I stand by what I intially said about him being punished—the person who is the catalyst for a relationship ending due to their lying/cheating/abusive/etc behavior loses all rights to bargaining power IMO. Of course that wouldn’t stand in a legal case or anything, but it’s how I feel. Then again, I can be quite vindictive when I feel I’ve been wronged…I’ll just mark it as one of my many character flaws 🙂

Post # 58
Member
3224 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Yes I went through this when an ex of 4 years and I broke up. I didn’t ask. I told him I was taking both dogs (one was definitely “mine”, the other was “ours”). He was sad, he asked to see them a few times but eventually I stopped responding. But I wasn’t going anywhere without both dogs. 

Post # 60
Member
2771 posts
Sugar bee

Most people who are cheating assholes aren’t just going to all of a sudden become good people.  Sure, he shouldn’t get the dogs because he is the one who caused the break up in the first place, but it’s not like he will ever see it that way.  He is a selfish asshole.

So you either fight over this for however long or you cut your losses and cut this prick out of your life as soon as possible.  He’s going to use the dogs to continue to manipulate you emotionally.  

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