Post # 61
Bee, ‘joint custody’ refers to children, not pets. You’re comparing apples and elephants.
Again, the only issue that belongs on the table here is best interest of the dogs. The fact that you can’t stand the thought of being without them is not the controlling factor. As distasteful as it may be to consider, is your ex the better dog parent? Truthfully?
Post # 62
sassy411 : Is joint custody that bad for dogs? Genuinely curious after reading a few responses from members who had joint custody.
Post # 63
You hurt me so imma hurt you in *any* way I can. I’m entitled to do this because you did/ you are (fill in blank with denigrating characteristic or action) and YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNISHED!! Thus I am justified in taking your (fill in the blank, money/dog/kid/property/ assets)….
While a prenup isn’t applicable for this particular thread, this is a GREAT illustration of why prenups are SO valuable. …. (see other thread lol!)
OP, don’t listen to those here with vindictive suggestions. He acted like an ass, he hurt you but that doesn’t mean you should try to keep both dogs. They belong to both of you. He is trying to work with you, pay his share etc. Work toward a *solution* so you can move on with your life and start healing from all this. Best wishes.
Post # 64
mrstodd2bee : More than prenups, I think this thread shows why it’s a bad idea to be financially and emotionally tied up with someone by buying a house with them and getting pets with them before getting married maybe.
I keep reading on waiting threads of people buying homes together while the guy keeps postponing the proposal.
Post # 65
sassy411 : Joint custody is 100% a thing for pets. I can take a pic of the clause in my divorce decree, if you’d like.
Post # 66
sassy411 : We are both good dog parents. I don’t think he is a better dog parent. My emotions are less important than what is best for our dogs, but it’s just very painful to think about this. Also, our dogs have bonded with each other and I don’t want to separate them.
I will do what’s best for our dogs like he would. I will also get a home keeping pets in mind. He is, in all likelihood, going to be getting a larger home than I will, but that alone doesn’t mean it’ll be better for him to take the dogs.
Post # 67
wineosaur : Does the dog stay with you for a few weeks each time? How does it work?
Post # 68
mrstodd2bee : Her ex is being civil and rational without needing any agreement here.
Post # 69
mrstodd2bee : I agree completely.
Post # 70
camelliasinensis14 : Have you actually discussed with him the possibility of keeping both pets? You want to keep them both and don’t want to separate them. Does he know that you feel this way? Shouldn’t you discuss your concerns with him? If he cares about the dogs, he will take your concerns seriously.
Post # 71
elfbee : Yes, they have talked about it. Both of them want both dogs. Since that is not going to happen, he has offered her the choice of which dog she wants.
Post # 72
happiekrappie : I think as long as the dog has sufficient shelter, food, and money for healthcare
So yes, I agree with you, but all of those things require money. As a foster mom, I can veto any potential adopter, for almost any reason. If someone told me that they wanted to adopt a dog and could only afford to feed it ol roy, working 2 jobs (ie never home) and no plan for vet emergencies, there is no way I’d be ok with letting a dog goto them. They could be the nicest, most moral person on earth, but animals cost money and ignoring that is dangerous.
As far as being vindictive, I probably (definitely) would be as well. But dogs are living, breathing beings, and using them to inflict pain on someone else – no matter how well deserved – is incredibly harmful. Dogs aren’t play things to be taken away to make the other person sad.
eta – OP also has no plan for where to live yet, ex does. What if OP cant even find a place that allows pets? What if her roommate is allergic to dogs? OP is staying at a friends house right now, not a very stable environment for one dog, let alone 2.
Post # 73
It can be a horror for sensitive dogs. Some dogs are bricks; some are butterfly wings, emotionally.
Just because a judge signed off on something doesn’t make it rational. Judges do stupid shit all day long. They make asinine rulings about human kids, too. People don’t spend tens of thousands on expert canine behaviorist witnesses in dog “custody” battles. The entire concept is a disgusting display of human hubris, immaturity, and ignorance.
If humans would just stop all of the projecting, the dogs would be hella better off.
Dogs, unlike human children, do not need two human parents. What they need is predictability. Dogs thrive when they know that B follows A. Most dogs do really well with routine and familiarity. Some, because of their breeds, their bloodlines, and/or their individual temperaments can do well with lots of action and adventure. But, the overwhelming majority need a stable handler and consistent pack formation.
Given the anti breeder bias here, it’s no mystery that the notion of breed specific traits never enter into the equation, to say nothing of bloodline specific needs and sensitivities. The reality is that most dogs are homebodies and bond very deeply to their handlers/owners/people. It can be unspeakably cruel to bounce such a dog back and forth.
Do I expect a judge to get this? Dear gawd, no. They barely get it with kids. Millions are spent on those public brawls every year.
And, again. The entire concept, legally, is nonsensical. Judges who award doggie “custody” are usually making up law; unless their jurisdiction has a specific statute that creates such a thing.
One more time. Best interest of the dogs is all that matters. Someone has to be the grownup sometime. There are entire doggie underground railroads throughout the US that have to exist just because too few humans have the emotional maturity to put someone other than themselves first.
Post # 74
You both want the dogs, you both can’t keep the dogs so the only way forward is to split them up. How is it fair that you get both dogs ?
Post # 75
jellybellynelly : I am not staying at a friend’s house. I went to visit a friend just to have a break for a few days and I’m back home now. While I was away, my ex was at the house because of the dogs. My ex has a house in mind, which he plans to buy once the sale of the house we bought together is complete.
missviolet92 : Our dogs have bonded and have always been together. Separating them wouldn’t be right unless there’s no alternative.