I kind of hate my fiancee when he drinks.

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Oh my. This is a tricky one. Do you think you can compromise to where you agree to limit your drinking to a certain number of drinks so that you can enjoy your wedding night?

Post # 4
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think it’s totally reasonable to ask him not to drink much at the wedding. You guys have spent a lot of time and money on the wedding day, so it only makes sense to stay sober and make the most of it. Also, I can’t stand being at weddings where the couple gets wasted…it’s so embarrassing!

Post # 5
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Liquor brings out the worst in a lot of people….my fiance is no exception. I decided to have beer and wine only. Maybe that could work for you? IMO, a wedding is just not somewhere a group of 100+ ppl need to be liquor drunk.

Post # 6
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I wonder what would happen if you recorded him when he was drunk, so he could see what you’re talking about?

Not everyone’s a “happy drunk.” Darling Husband is, but when he has too much liquor, it can get messy .So I asked him (shortly after he proposed)- “Will you keep to just beer at the reception?” I knew he couldn’t really go overboard with it. And he kept his promise, and the reception was fine. 

Post # 7
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

My Fiance is a self absorbed asshole when he drinks too. The only way that I can tolerate it, is because I’m just as much as a self absorbed asshole when I drink too. I can relate to how you feel though.

I’m like this with gambling. My stepdad used to be a major gambling addict (we’re talking like, 400k in debt). I’m not cool with Fiance gambling. Ever.

Trust him on your wedding day though. Make him agree to a one-drink/hour rule. I would personally take the more manipulative route, but I’m kind of a bad person in this regard. I would just “get,” all of his drinks for him at the wedding. Get him half shot drinks, and let the placebo effect do its thing.

Post # 8
Member
6215 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@rebwana:  +1

Record him if he doesn’t believe you! That should at least be enough to make him stay away from the booze at the wedding.

Post # 11
Member
9198 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I think you certainly have valid concerns here, but you have to be careful how you bring it up.  The way you talk about people who can’t hold their liquor does come off a little attacking, especially since you say you have a hard time keeping your temper with him, so I can see why he might be offended when you talk to him about it.  Maybe do some googling on communicating difficult things to people (using “I feel” instead of “You do XXX”, etc etc)?  He won’t want to listen to you and oblige you unless you really make him understand your point of view (your feelings get hurt when he’s drunkenly cold and picking fights) rather than make him feel like he’s being attacked.

Post # 13
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Oh no….I tended bar in college and there is just nothing worse than a maudlin/mean drunk!  They oscillate between shades of Edgar Allen Poe and Big Jim Slade, and I agree that it is in fact, exhausting…for me this was a total revelation, living in a home of moderate drinkers, who enjoyed a pre-dinner cocktail and wine with dinner, when my Dad had a few he turned into a charming combination of Carey Grant and Frank Sinatra, playing the piano and singing…the polar opposite of that is a terrifying and unbalanced person and I am sorry to had to deal with that at all.

There are a few options here, but your Fiance has to be willing to see that he just can’t hold his liquor, I’d film him or record him next time he ties one on…he’ll literally die of embarrasment the next day!

Once your intended realizes that he might not be cut out for boozing, see if there’s one particular form of alcohol that sets him off, some people can’t do the hard stuff, but can cruise on beer for days, some laides cannot drink red wine but can down a barrel of white…there’s options, and if he sincerely just can’t handle anything fermented, have him rock the club soda route all night, it looks like a coctail but only the bartender is gonna know that it isn’t.

Good luck and sorry again!

Post # 14
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

@bretonvirgniia:  If he behaves with beer, then I really think you just need to ask him to lay off the liquor. I told Darling Husband point blank- I didn’t want his behavior to embarass me in front of my family at the wedding, and he really took that to heart. 

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