Post # 1
Hello to you all! I am new here and wonder if you can offer some advice… So after AGES of nagging and asking (and sometimes even arguing) I know my other half is about to propose, we share an account and I saw a charge for a ring go through before he could delete the email confirmation… I’m pretty sure he has just got a filler ring for now as when we were talking about engagement ages ago he was really bothered that what he thought I would like wasn’t what I would like! – I told him then it would be fine to get a filler and then both choose together – personally I think it’s a nice idea – certainly no worse than going hunting before a proposal and pointing out practically what you want anyway.
So whats the problem?…Well since I found out I have been feeling a bit pee’d off with him, I keep snapping at him, I wonder if I just want to push him or am having a mild panic that if he’s not 10000% right then I might as well push him away now or something… I really never thought I would react like this… I so wish I didn’t know he’d bought something already.
I have been a bit obsessive to be honest and have really gone on about it but it’s because I have been desperate to be a proper family unit after a disaterous relationship before, we have a child who is 3 (he is not childs bio dad- childs bio dad left when baby was weeks old and has never returned) Other half has taken child as his own completely, we have lived lived together a 2.5 years – own a business together – known each other 10 years and after much mucking around I was desperate for us to feel more secure as a ‘real’ family… I wan’t more kids but don’t want them without being married this time and I feel time pressure because my first born is 3 already so there will already be a fairly large age gap etc – There’s no problem with him not wanting marriage, he has always told me I was he one – He’s just (like a lot of guys from the look of the other posts on here) been slow on the uptake – he never raised the subject of marriage off his own back etc, anyway I am rambling sorry, I am just in such a flap! As I said, I have been obsessing over this moment for so long and now it’s almost here I feel unsure… is this just a panic like the second thought panics some people have when they are about to get married or is this a gut feeling something is very wrong.? Please help, I’m going out of my mind!
Post # 3
@coo: Are you afraid if you let it get to the engagement stage something could change and cause a breakup? It sounds like you don’t feel totally secure in your situation (wanting more kids and not being married) which is why you’ve pushed for engagement. Are you afraid things will change once you actually have the ring?
Try to remember all the reasons you want to be married, and yes, STOP provoking your man into arguments for no reason. It sounds like you have a man who stood by you and your child after your ex took off, don’t punish him for someone else’s mistakes. If you want to be a family go be a family. Marriage is a leap of faith but very much worth it if you have found the right person, and from the sound of it, this is the right person for you, the man you want a family with. Don’t fixate on the ring (no one really cares after the first few weeks anyway) and make “The Relationship” the focus of your relationship, think about how many good things there will be to look forward to.
Post # 4
@KatyElle: Thank you so much for your reply… it helps out things in perspective… It’s not a security thing no, though it is a security thing for my son I think, I think the reason I push is because I worry about his feelings when he gets older and will know his blood father wanted nothing to do with him and because of this I’m trying to make up for it by giving him a perfect family unit in return, in the hope it will make up for things… 🙁 thank you though, It makes sense what you said – that really helps! xxx
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2013 - Ontario, Canada
First of all – take a deep breath. There, better? it’s just cold feet I think. You sound like you have a great thing going and you know it too. Sometimes (for most of us) when everything is great we start to panic that what if this all goes to hell? Is this too good to be true? Do I deserve this? It can’t last forever right etc etc. it’s completely normal. Give your other half a break though and enjoy it for what it is. From your story it seems you are already a family, even in the laws eyes you are common law as you have lived together for over a year right? This only makes it official to everyone else, in your heart you know that you already are a family and that this is right. I know it’s super exciting and at the same time you worry until it actually happens (or at least I did) even though you KNOW it is happening. It’s like a build in self defence thing. I am sure it will all go well, you will be super happy when he asks and things will be fine. Relax and enjoy this time, and focus on what you have today, now what you want for tomorrow. 🙂
Post # 7
It might be that you have some resentment built up because of it taking too long… I was like this but it all went away after he proposed.