(Closed) I know I should be grateful, but…

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2867 posts
Sugar bee

Unfortunately, it would be best (etiquette-wise) to send three separate thank you’s.  I think it’s completely unprofessional that two technicians and the boss are spending so much time together in a questionable way.  If you’re working in a place with HR or another place with some sort of accountability, he could be let go or worse, the technicians could file a lawsuit against him or the company.  (I’m not sure if you’re working for a university, private practice, or a company.)

Post # 4
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would just write three thank you notes. We really don’t know anyone’s financial situation, and a salary doesn’t tell the whole financial story. Some people may be $300,000 in credit card debt or have mortgages they can’t afford-which isn’t your fault but I think it should be taken into consideration.

Post # 5
8351 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I would write a nice thank you note to each of them. It was very nice of them to get you a gift and since they split it three ways, it was more than likely based on the lowest income, so they could all contribute the same. They didn’t have to give you a gift at all, so I would just be thankful that they gave you one.

Post # 6
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would send three separate thank you’s.  You don’t know what anyones situation is but they might also just be cheap.  Be thankful that they thought of you and move on, it’s not worth the energy to get upset.  We’ve had some family give very little and we are feeding them!  When it comes down to it, it won’t matter because we are going to have a great day with everyone.

Post # 8
2777 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’d write them 3 separate cards. Although I do feel your resentment on the gift front a little. Could they just be unused to giving gifts for a wedding and therefore didn’t know what the best course of action was? 

Post # 9
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think it is common for co-workers to do a joint gift.  Write a thank you card to all of them.  The students that got you the more genourous gift might be closer to you.  And if you boss is male maybe he doesnt know much about gift giving.  I know my dad is clueless when it comes to etiquette but he means well.

Post # 10
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011 - The Viceroy

The fact is that no one is under any obligation to give you a gift, so everyone who gets you any kind of gift (large or small) should be given their own thank you card.  Some people are generous gift givers, some aren’t, I wouldn’t hold it against anyone.

Post # 11
71 posts
Worker bee

Sadly, some people are just more generous than others, regardless of what they make.  Ask any pizza delivery person!  Write each a similar note.

Post # 12
876 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would write one card for all three of them and have it displayed in the lab (or other common area).  Or you could write one thank you card addressed to everyone in the lab, not give any separate thank you cards to the prof or techs, but to the post-docs and PhD student.

Also, the cost of the textbook he purchased for the summer student could have been absorbed by a grant or professional expense account.  That’s how I purchase mine.

Post # 14
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Write each a very similar note, I’m sure that’ll get the point across. On a side note- I can’t believe your boss spilled a drink on you!!!!!

Post # 15
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

People that have plenty of money, usually do so for a reason… they can be far tighter with it than those who have less! Give three separate cards, no point lowering your own standards. Feck it.

Post # 16
15 posts
  • Wedding: September 2000

Ever hear the expression, “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth?”  I never compared the monetary value of the gifts given to me at my wedding, I appreciated the fact that someone took the time to purchase something for me.  I would write three very nice thank you notes, and move on from the fact what you expected from your boss, wasn’t what you got. They could have not come or given you a gift.  Be grateful, not spiteful.

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