I know I shouldn't worry but…

posted 1 year ago in Rings
Post # 2
Member
3740 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

graced :  Thats exciting bee! There’s aways the risk of getting a ring you don’t love when you dont choose it together… I think the only solution is to do what he’s requested. Make detailed notes on what you love about these rings and give them to your dad. I would also give him your sketches, because that will probably clarify your notes for him. I dont really think there is much you can do beyond that! Good Luck!

Post # 3
Member
10020 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

You could suggest the two of you design the ring together since this is such an important issue to you.  Let him know you are fine with losing the element of surprise in the proposal, since of course that’s what will happen.  

You can’t have it both ways, so choose either a surprise proposal with him taking charge of the ring design (with your input, give these drawings to your dad).  OR design the ring together and forego the surprise element.

Post # 5
Member
10020 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

graced :  Congratulations and enjoy!

Post # 6
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee

Is there a reason he doesn’t want you to give him any pictures?  It seems there’s significantly less chance of confusion of misunderstanding if you could give him pictures annotated to indicate what you love and perhaps a set showing what you dislike.

If you’re really worried about not loving the end-product and he’s insistent on the surprise element, how about suggesting he propose with a placeholder and then you work together to design your dream ring?  Try talking up how romantic it is to design the ring together and how much fun it is, how it will bring you closer, etc.  Maybe show him a few threads from the bee where a custom surprise ring didn’t have quite the intended reaction?

Post # 7
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Did you draw those?? They’re gorgeous! Impressed with your artistic skill!

What else did you give him as far as notes? Do you have an example of something you don’t want that he might get mixed up? It could be helpful to include examples of what you don’t want along with what you do want, as long as they’re clearly labeled.

From these drawings, he should know you want a bezel detail and vintage-style engraving, but that’s about it. Even then, you should write that down for him so he can ask for it by name. If you have any preferences on stone color, size, shape or cut, definitely be sure to write those down too – since there are a couple different shapes in these drawings, he might assume you’re fine with any shape, so be sure to specify if there are shapes/cuts you don’t like. Same with metal type – looks like any color would be ok, but write it down if you want to stick to gold or platinum, or avoid plated metal.

Post # 9
Member
2080 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

First of all, congratulations!! Have you tried any rings like that on to make sure that you really love them? Your boyfriend doesn’t have to come with you, but those are similar, but the shapes are all different and so is the materials. To really make sure you get something you want, try on a few similar items and add in the notes what you do/don’t like about them 

Post # 10
Member
4058 posts
Honey bee

I have such an issue with people who are holier than thou about diamonds. If you don’t want a diamond, fine. But I’m not good with unilateral decision making. If ethics are such a major concern for him, why doesn’t he get rid of his phone or tablet?

https://www.newscientist.com/article/mg22229734-800-blood-minerals-are-electronics-industrys-dirty-secret/

And check out the ethics of items made in China. You have sweatshops, and no environmental restrictions whatsoever. 

You want to save money? Great! You like gemstones better? Wonderful. But acting like you’re more ethical because you’re not getting a diamond is ridiculous.

 

Post # 13
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

graced :  I think as long as you give him a detailed description you’ll be fine. I actually think its very romantic that he wants to design it and have it be a surprise. My ring was 100% a surprise and nothing like I’d imagined. It’s better! I wouldn’t change a thing. 

Post # 15
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

graced :  make sure you come back and share pictures!

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