(Closed) I Know I’m Being Ridiculous, But I Can’t Help It…

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Reposted from your deleted one πŸ™‚

 

My first real conversation about marriage with my Fiance came up this way. We had just moved, graduated from college, and were starting a life together, and I was great with all of that. But then 3 of my friends got engaged, and married, and I started seeing it everywhere! All of a sudden I started getting a little jealous and bitter over it, even though thats so not me. So we had a short conversation, I showed him a couple rings, and I left it at that. 6 months later we went on a romantic weekend and he proposed and I didn’t see it coming at all!

My Fiance took it really well when we talked about it I think, but we’ve been together for 8 years so for us it was a different story. I said “sometimes I get the feeling that people don’t take our relationship as seriously as others, and I just don’t want to refer to you as my boyfriend for the rest of my life. I can’t wait until the day I get to call you husband!” and I think it really sunk in for him. Guys are happy go lucky, they are very in the Now, and sometimes they just don’t notice that if they’ve got a great thing, they should probably put a ring on it πŸ˜› Try not to bug him too much, just try to remind him how awesome you are everyday and I bet he’ll move a little faster πŸ™‚

Post # 5
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

i know it sucks ive got gfs having huge $10K weddings when mine will be a simple church affair but jealousy is a nasty ugly person’s diasese sorry not trying to preach but really of those 7 girls who are engaged how many do you wonder pressured their man into buying a ring so they could keep up with someone else knowing it’s not right and all…

ive got a friend who is pregnant and her BFF went out and got pregnant right afterwards *shes barely been with the guy 2 months when it happened* don’t worry aobut what they have and you don’t one day you’ll have it all

Post # 7
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Definitely justified… I felt the same way!! We had talked about getting married for 4 years, we lived together for 4 years, we bought a new house, remodeled it, got pets… when was it coming already!!  All my friends were getting married… weddings and weddings and babyshowers galore… at least 5 per summer… The straw that broke my back… We had to attend a wedding of a college friend… the Bridesmaid or Best Man happened to be his ex-fiance… I was just so depressed and in such a funk after that wedding I couldnt shake it… a month later we got engaged. (uh couldnt he have done it BEFORE the wedding so I could have atleast been sporting a shiney diamond when i had to see her cmon!!) Anyways.. your day too will cmon… but youre not alone and youre totally entitled to be as cranky as you please…. Best wishes!

Post # 9
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I felt the same way when I was waiting for a proposal! My Fiance had friends who started dating after us get engaged and married before we were engaged. I felt incredibly jealous. My Fiance told me last spring one of his friends bought a ring and was going to propose and I told him “I don’t freaking care”. I was very stressed in the middle of finals week and these people started dating almost 3 years after us and they were in a LDR, so I was having a hard time with it. I apoligized immediatley for the outburst, I didn’t really mean to say it like that and I am/was very happy for them it just was bad timing that he told me when I was already in a bad mood.

Post # 10
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

I know how you feel–I work at a small company and for a while there were just 4 of us, and I was the young one of the group, the one who had been dating her Boyfriend or Best Friend for years and the rest of them were waiting for him to propose.  Well, since I started a year and a half ago, we have hired about 7 new people, and we have had 4 proposals in that time. FOUR! One of the girls had only worked here for 3 weeks when she got hers! And there is another new girl who has been dating her Boyfriend or Best Friend as long as me and my Boyfriend or Best Friend and he is asking her to send her ring ideas. So now when it’s my turn I feel like it won’t be as fun to my co-workers, I will be just another girl who got engaged. Who knows when it will be my turn…

I know how you guys feel about being over calling him “Boyfriend.” There really needs to be a word for those long-term BFs who you know you are going to marry but havent gotten engaged to yet. And the whole jealousy thing? I try to conceal it from my Boyfriend or Best Friend when i get jealous of other girls but it is nearly impossible.  But I feel like at least we are putting forth the effort, and our guys have to respect that, right?

Post # 11
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t think wanting to spend the rest of your life with the person you love should quite fit into the jealousy category. Granted, seeing other people get engaged or married can give you the same icky feeling in your stomach that you got when you were five and someone got an ice cream cone and you didn’t, but I think you’re totally justified. I’ve found that the only “ugly” part about it is when it starts affecting the chemistry between you. We are all in the same boat, and I can totally relate to that happy for them/sad for yourself feeling that crops up when someone else’s left hand gets a sparkly and yours doesn’t. It is only normal to want that moment for yourself too. Being engaged means that you get to share your happiness with family and the friends who are always there for you. That being said, I think the girls that are your friends at work will be more than excited when it’s your turn.

I wish there was an easy way to vent to our SOs about this issue without it seeming like pressure. I always figure he’s my best friend, and I talk to him about everything else… why does this one thing have to be such an elephant in the room? I guess it depends  on your guy, but you might be able to tell him that you’re excited for the day you get to announce YOUR engagement. πŸ™‚ I told mine that I’m really looking forward to that day, and he took it as a gentle nudge and told me the dreaded “soon” word then kissed my forehead. Frustrating.

How did your ring shopping go? It sounds like you’re pretty close to being able to call him your Fiance (yay!) Be sure to keep us updated! Good luck! πŸ™‚

Post # 12
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

“Granted, seeing other people get engaged or married can give you the same icky feeling in your stomach that you got when you were five and someone got an ice cream cone and you didn’t”

Spot on!

 @eseds: Oh god that would bother me too…I think at this stage of waiting it would be absolute torture for me to go to a wedding at all with my SO, ex or no ex. My head might explode!

A month ago another couple that we’re friends with in my BF’s “group” got engaged. They’d been together almost EXACTLY as long as we have.  Boyfriend or Best Friend was the one to break the news about the engagement to me and was telling some details about what the future groom had said/done.  I said I was jealous. And I wished I had a boyfriend who was that excited about our future together (that was probably an “ouch” for him, but hey it’s what I was thinking). I didn’t discuss it to death, that’s about all I said. 

In hindsight I think this vent was acceptable, and here’s why: last week when we had “the talk” (our future, timelines etc) he said he’s noticed I haven’t brought this up in a few months. So the little vent didn’t count as “bringing this stuff up”.

That’s just my Boyfriend or Best Friend. A good concrete example that jokes/hinting/venting do not count. Other Bee’s may want to take note: if your guy is like my guy, the only communication that “counts” is when you’re having a REAL TALK about it. Hints/comments/joking/nudging from either of you must be taken with a grain of salt.

Post # 13
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

@DreamingBee:

I think at this stage of waiting it would be absolute torture for me to go to a wedding at all with my SO, ex or no ex. My head might explode!

Ummmm yeah, that is totally how I feel. We have a wedding next Saturday.  I told SO a little while back that I was telling him honestly that going to weddings/hearing about engagements was really starting to hurt.  I’m happy for them but I can’t help but hurt a bit…

and why do guys have to be so thick when we are dropping blatant clues?? Sometimes I think they actually do know but they say they don’t as a way of stalling. Boys…..

Post # 14
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@yellowlinedpage: I think it’s becuase in “guy launguage”, direct communication is the only thing that’s really valid. Women “get” hints, men may “get” hints…but they don’t really internalize them in the same way as real communication.

Post # 15
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

I feel the same way. Recently one of my best friends, my cousin, my mortal enemy (whole other steory), and like 3 other people I know got engaged. I try to be up beat and happy, but its tough. When I heard about my cousin… I burst out in tears – thats not normal. I guess I am just ready and hate waiting.

Post # 16
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with everything everyone has said. Especially about it being painful going to weddings and sitting next to your SO while he only contemplates dessert and the next drink he’s getting from the bar. ~le sigh~.

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