(Closed) I know I’m being silly….

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t think you’re being silly but there also may be nothing to worry about! (hugs) I also did not know what Darling Husband was like in high school. I am slightly uncomfortable with him maintaining friendships with girls from high school who liked him (even SIL was one of them) and still keep close contact with him. 

I also think everyone will learn something about their partner they did not know before… 10,15 even 20 years down the road. I heard the first 5-10 years of marriage are the hardest not only for many people financially but because it will probably take that long to really get to know someone, even someone you knew for years before marriage. 

I’m with you…. but don’t think there’s need to be concerned just yet. If contact really bugs you maybe you and Darling Husband should have a sit down purposeful talk where you both talk about high school and the like. Maybe knowing more about these people will calm your mind or at least you know who they are and what they are to Darling Husband for sure. It can’t hurt! 

Post # 4
Member
9686 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

((HUGS))  It would bug me a little, too.  But he hasn’t really done anything wrong.  I understand the feelings of insecurity but it does sound innocent on his part.  His showing you the pictures actually seems sweet and as though he’s wanting to open up to you and bring you closer into his life.  Try to look at it as though he’s just sharing with you.  He can’t change his past, nor should he.  However, that said, I can’t stand Facebook and think it causes more problems than it’s worth.  If you don’t like her contacting him on FB, tell him to make it clear to her that he is happily married and have no further contact.  So, they said “hi,” no differently than if they ran into each other at the grocery store.  But that needs to be the end of it.  IMO.

Post # 5
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

I am still talking with my co-workers from my past job…and they’re guys! I worked as a fire alarm technician and only 2 girls in the company worked in the tech field among 30 guys, so guess what, both of us worked with guys most of the time and so most of the time I would be (gasp) alone with the guys in a room … working! I had no desire to kiss any of them, or do whatever, (yuck) and some are very cute and very handsome (think Fire Fighters calendar!) and probably would have been willing, but for me, just working with them is absolutely fine…. AND they all knew my stand, nobody tried anything! I NEVER flirted, or gave any of them any indication except that I was there to do my job.

Hello? Do we all have to give up friends from the opposite sex because we are engaged or married?

Post # 6
Member
9686 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@happyface:  True.  I get where you’re coming from.  I also work in a very male-oriented field and have zero attraction to any of them.  But, in OP’s case the girl “had a crush on him.”  Which is the differentiation.  She may have been scoping out his current situation, just in case.  Which is not just a friend or co-worker, she has a romantic (potentially romantic) interest in him.

Post # 7
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

@Sunfire:  oh, sorry re-read post…. ooops 

Post # 8
Member
9686 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@happyface:  Smile  No problem, I actually agree with everything you said!  Co-workers, friends, no problem.  And the girl (ex-crush) was probably just innocently scoping out his situation to see if he was single or whatever.  So, it’s all totally harmless but I can understand OP’s little feeling of insecurity, which it seems she realizes is unfounded.  But it IS Monday, after all, lol.  Very yucky Monday where I am, too, I hope we can help cheer her up.  Her Darling Husband sounds like a very nice guy!

Post # 10
Member
9686 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@soon2bS:  Good luck!  Just keep telling yourself that he loves YOU and is married to YOU.  He wouldn’t want you to be feeling sad, you know that.  Have faith in him, you have a really good thing going.

Post # 11
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Cheating can leave scars for any woman… I totally understand, I’ve been cheated on, too! It’s hard to get past. You’re also not alone. I wasn’t even aware Darling Husband was friends with his exes until I recognized their names all over his high school year books as the ‘it’ couple. I neve confronted him about it… he wasn’t hiding anything, he just wasn’t telling me everything from his past. It hurts but I learned it’s a lot better when you’re 100% open with each other. Hope it helps, I know it’s hard but you get used to it and someday these people will be 100% forgotten. 

Post # 12
Member
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@soon2bS:  You’re not being silly, it’s always a bit of a jolt to see DH/FI/SO’s past pop up if you didn’t know about it!  Don’t feel bad.  But be happy he is willing to be so open with you about it, if there was something to worry about it wouldn’t be out in the open like this.

My Fiance has a load of old HS/college/20’s friends (we are 43) and they have many old stories that get rehashed during get-togethers (like his 25th HS reunion last year).  You can either get upset by it and worry, or enjoy the funny stories and be glad that he has connections that stay strong over the years, that to me is the mark of a person who values lasting friendships.  The longer you’re together, the more stories you will hear but just remember, you are both creating your own stories and memories together every day 🙂

(for the record, I knew Fiance in college but we lost touch for 22 years so there was a big gap we both needed to catch up on, and are still catching up on).  It’s nice to hear the stories but always remember, you are the one whom he has chosen to marry and with whom he wants to make his future.

The topic ‘I know I’m being silly….’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors