(Closed) I know I'm not alone…share your cooking fails

posted 6 years ago in Cooking
Post # 48
Member
1998 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Songbird29:  Hahahaha! The best story ever! Laughing

Post # 49
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

So many stories of my failure, its a wonder i even bother cooking at all anymore.

 

Lets see there was the night where I tried to make Chicken alfredo for my husband as a nice romantic dinner… I curdled the milk like 5 times, i threw it out and restarted a few times, then i thought i succeeded and it tasted like feet.  I called him half crying/ half pissed off and i’m just like “We’re going out to eat”. He was laughing so hard at my pathetic mess and how bad i failed when he got home. All i did was manage to waste food, dirty all our dishes, and our kitchen was a disaster. He was like its alright i’ll just throw in some chicken nuggets but i was not eating crap after all that – So i took him out for a steak dinner. lol

Then theres the fact that I have failed miserably at making boxed cake for my husbands birthday every year since we met. All he wanted was yellow cake and chocolate icing… like so simple its rediculous and i couldn’t pull it off. First time i failed and my sister had to take over and remake it for me. then we were in our apartment and I was so determined. to get it right. I made it and let it cool and then when trying to get it out of the pan it all came apart and it was a complete disaster – it was like yellow mush. I’m like in tears and he’s laughing and trying to comfort me at the same time but our table was covered in cake crumbs…. then the next year it wasn’t fully cooked and still wet on the inside. i quit. lol

Post # 50
Member
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Songbird29:  That happened to FBIL!  I think he was making cheesecake?  I have no clue what kind of cheesecake recipe requires the ingredients to be COOKED, so maybe I’m remembering wrong, but he definitely made some sort of dessert into which he melted most of a plastic spoon!

Future Brother-In-Law also hosted a pre-Thanksgiving turkey feast for some friends once, and when the turkey came out of the oven everybody just kind of stood around staring at it.  I asked what was wrong, and not a single one of them knew how to carve a turkey!  I put it down to their being young and inexperienced (not to mention 99% of them were Vietnamese like FI’s family, and probably hadn’t ever helped prepare a traditional Thanksgiving spread).  I happily dove in, and awed them all with my mad turkey-carving skills.  Oh, and I’m the official gravy-maker at all in-law gatherings.  Thanks, Mom, for teaching me your technique!

Post # 51
Member
8482 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’ve burned several pans because of boiling water for pasta and forgetting about it. I’ll walk into the kitchen and smell something and look over to a pan thats completely black and all the water is gone. Oops.

 

I had a huge fail moment when trying to make gravy from scratch. I was trying to do it from this recipe. NOPE. It just turned into goop. It tasted alright though, once you got past the fact that you were eating goop.

Post # 52
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

oh yea and it took me about 3 years of failed Chocolate cream pie for me to realize you have to use Whole milk or it will not harden and it will just remain pudding texture. Why i bother trying to make dessert of any form for my husband any more is still a mystery to me.

Then I tried  a few weeks ago to just make pudding and it came out like crap. it was watery and lumpy – i’m like staring at it stiring it like crazy so pissed at myself “how the hell do you screw up instant pudding!”

And theres always the time my sister and I tried to make instant mashed potatoes and failed miserably – it was flaky and lumpy and gross. We can make mashed potatoes from scratch like a pro but those boxed ones we couldnt figure out. lol

Post # 53
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I tried to make omlette for Darling Husband twice and both times he ended up gettign scrambled eggs LOL

I am a prtty good cook, but i just can’t make an omlette. I gave up LOL

Post # 54
Member
3669 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@littlemisst08:  Okay so I can cook pretty much anything HOWEVER baking is just not my strong point….Back in high school Darling Husband came over because I called him frantically. I was baking a cake for my fiends birthday and it had blown up in my oven! Literally it was on the roof of the oven and everywhere! I don’t know what I did but that was not a pretty mess. Darling Husband came in and just fell on his butt laughing at how bad the situations was lol We ended up having to take the bits that were still in the pan and roll them into balls then dip them in chocolate (like cake pops without the stick). It tasted great but it was definitely a baking fail lol 

Post # 55
Member
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Oh my God, I keep remembering more stories!

1. One of FI’s favorite Vietnamese dishes is Thit Kho, pork with hard-boiled eggs in a caramel sauce (sounds weird, tastes awesome), so we decided to make it one night.  While attempted to make the caramel sauce, he came over to me with a really confused look on his face.  “The caramel sauce turned back into sugar.”  What??  So then I tried to make it – it’s just sugar and water heated on the stove, and I make toffee or caramels multiple times a year with no issues.  But it did the same thing to me!  At a certain point, the syrup turned right back into grainy sugar.  Finally, after some frantic Googling, I realized that unlike my candy, I could NOT stir this caramel sauce.  Must have had something to do with there being no butter involved, because I always stir the dickens out of my candy.  Once we realized the issue, we were able to turn out some caramel sauce in short order.  Third time’s the charm!

2. Once a month, I go to a morning meeting at work called Donut Club.  As the name implies, attendees take turns bringing in donuts for everybody.  When my turn came around, I decided to bake something instead of getting the same old donuts, and I had a mega-craving for coffee cake.  I found a great recipe, whipped up a double batch, popped them in the oven… and less then 10 minutes later smoke was pouring out of the oven and the smoke alarm was freaking out.  I have no idea what went wrong, but the batter frickin’ EXPLODED and was pouring out of the pans onto the bottom of the stove and the heating element, catching on fire!  I stubbornly tried to just line the bottom rack with aluminum foil and keep going, but it was too late.  I had to pull the gooey pans out and open the windows with a fan going (in the middle of a storm, I might add) to get the smoke out of the apartment.  FI was out with friends at the time and got a RAGING text from me with some very unladylike language; bless his heart, he offered to swing by the grocery store on his way home to get me donuts.  Stupid oven smoked and stank like burning batter every time I used it for something else for DAYS.

Post # 56
Member
1998 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Payless:  Hahaha I’ve never heard of an exploding cake! Good thinking though, cake pops are heavenly! 🙂 

How about a story of an exploding egg? My grandmother once forgot about an egg she had on the stove and once she remembered and ran into the kitchen, the pot was empty! The water was long gone but the egg was nowehere to be seen – until she looked up. It was splattered all over the ceiling! Laughing 

Post # 57
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My cooking fails are microwave popcorn and rice.  EVERY TIME.  I can make fancy breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  But not rice.

and microwave popcorn???

(Super embarrassed!)

Post # 58
Member
3669 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MsMeow:  Oh my gosh haha! I always heard that eggs could explode but to go straight up?! way too funny Laughing

Post # 59
Member
1342 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@stardustintheeyes:  Oh the eyeballers…  My grandma eyeballed everything!!!  I feel like I’ll never get to taste her cooking again (she passed away in January) because I’ll never ever get it right!

Post # 60
Member
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@graygodess20:  That’s a really similar technique to how I do brown rice; I combine 2 cups of rice with 3 cups of water, bring it to a boil, cover, simmer for 20 minutes, and then let it sit on the counter with the lid on for at least 10 minutes.  The olive oil and broth sound like they add some nice flavor, though, so I’ll have to try it!

Post # 61
Hostess
9633 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

@littlemisst08:  I had never had a gas oven until I lived on my own. My mom always had an electric one, so we used the bottom drawer to store pots/pans and oven mits. Turns out you definitely can NOT do that with a gas oven!! First time I tried to cook dinner I turned on the oven to preheat it and all my towels and oven mits caught fire. I ended up taking water from the sink in a tupperware container and dumping it on the fire bc I didn’t have an extinguisher…. needless to say I had my graduation party that month and I ended up with about 5 or 6 fire extinguishers and 2 smoke alarms as gifts :/

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