(Closed) I know I'm not in the wrong here..but I feel like a crappy daughter. [vent]

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Youre saying your mother is paying the bills of the woman that stole her husband?! You guys need to stop helping if they don’t want to help themselves

Post # 4
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@irishphoenix:  It’s so hard to be put in a situation like that, where you know what you’re doing is right but your instincts still line up with how you felt about your parents as a child- that you should do as you’re told and be a good kid.


Stay strong, OP. It sucks, but, as you know, you’re doing the right thing.

Post # 5
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Stop enabling this ADULT and his GROWN wife.. seriously. Say no and move on with your life!

Post # 6
4929 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

That sounds nightmarish, but you’re definitely doing the right thing! Stay strong and hold your ground, OP.

Post # 7
1621 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

That is a very difficult emotional spot for you to be in, OP.  While it may be difficult to cut them off, it has to be done for everyone’s benefit.  As the saying goes, “Feed a man a fish, feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime.”

They can’t continue to bridge the financial gap using other people’s money, it’s just selfish and unfair.  Everyone has their own issues, their own problems.  And I cannot believe your mom contributes….she must be an absolute SAINT.

ETA: Can you sit down and have a good talk with him about how to get himself out of this situation? Would he be receptive to financial counselling or is his wife receptive to working more hours?

Post # 8
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Not much to say, but HUGS.  You’re doing the right thing.  No father should be hitting up his daughter when his wife could work.  

Post # 9
404 posts
Helper bee

I totally feel for you, I’ve kinda been there, not quite the same, and I get the impression that I’m a bit younger than you with less of an income.

My step mother hardly works, when she does she leaves the job quickly, she also has claimed disability money that she doesn’t deserve. 

My mother has lent my father loads of money for rent etc. over the years. and yeah, it sure as hell pisses me off.

luckliy for me my fathers income seems to have changed a fair bit recently, so it’s less of an issue.

I think you all need to stop giving them charity, they’re fully functioning adults, they can support themselves. I know it’s harsh, but he’ll cope, and they’ll survive. People can cope with a lot.

ETA: I could’ve added a lot, but I didn’t want to go on about how much I dissaprove of my step mother and her bad attitude.

Post # 11
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry


There’s also option 4: they sell their house and end up renting. Or they rent out a room, etc., to help pay the bills.

I understand the position he was in- I was out of work for almost 10 months during 2011/2012. But during that time, I seriously cut back on expenses (no cable! no eating out! no clothes shopping, etc). If they can’t live within their means, THEY need to make lifestyle changes, not expect other people, like you, to make changes in THEIR lifestyles to support them. Good luck!

Post # 12
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@cdncinnamongirl:  when you say her mom is a “saint,” you must mean “doormat.”

Post # 13
2268 posts
Buzzing bee

Sorry you’re having to deal with this insane situation. Props to you OP for not letting them continue to mooch off you. I think helping your mother to not only see that she needs to cut them off too, but help her to be strong and not become backed into a corner is important.

You father and his wife are adults and it’s about time they start behaving as such.

Post # 15
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@irishphoenix:  You are NOT a bad daughter. by giving them money you are enabling them to continue to live their life half-assed. By NOT giving them money you are showing them that you have faith they can be upstanding adults and learn to budget their money.

I would seriously cut out the Classifieds section of the newspaper and give it to them the next time they ask for “help”.

The topic ‘I know I'm not in the wrong here..but I feel like a crappy daughter. [vent]’ is closed to new replies.

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