(Closed) I know *I'm* proposing, but he's not even trying!!

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
9648 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

maybe he is still planning on buying a ring for you 🙂 good luck on your trip!

Post # 4
Member
2011 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I dont know what to say regarding your post, but i just wanted to say everytime i see your user name i think thats exactly what im like when i see a bunny!!

Post # 5
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would rethink proposing to him. Why propose under circumstances like these where you are annoyed that he spent $400 on a home theatre system and not on a ring for you? He doesn’t seem to be making you a priority. I would take notice of this. Plus, why propose when you are frustrated? You will ruin the moment for both of you.

Post # 6
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Im sorry, I know waiting is hard (im waiting too).

Did you guys ever discuss a timeline, that helps so you can have a general idea of when its coming….or at least when you’ll have it done by.

Also, as long as you know its coming, just try your best to be patient…maybe your proposal will help him do his faster…

Post # 8
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Omgbunnies:  I hear you. I would wait. I speak from a lot of experience with waiting. How long have you been with your bf?

Post # 9
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Omgbunnies: You might not like this advice, but it sounds to me that proposing to him might be a bad idea. The way you write you come across as very angry and resentful that he hasn’t proposed to you. I really think that showing him your appreciation might be best done in another way. I am traditional and I think that it’s best to leave proposals up to the guy… or at least be on the same page about it. I don’t know any guys personally who would be happy being proposed to.

Obviously I don’t know much about your relationship, but from what you wrote it sounds like he is quite focused on himself and you’re proposing basically because you want it done ASAP. The way you write now sounds like in the future you’ll always be resentful. I am guessing he hasn’t taken care of the ring yet because he isn’t planning on proposing yet… or he has something up his sleeve.

Sorry if I am off the mark… just my 2 cents.

Post # 11
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Omgbunnies:  If he doesn’t want to get married, forcing him into it won’t help. Sorry but if the only reason you’re proposing now is because you know he won’t do it for another 5 years is a recipe for disaster, IMO. You need to have a chat w. him about timelines. The last thing you want is for him to feel pressured by your proposal and for him to think it’s a cutesy trick to get him to marry you. I am sure this sounds harsh but please do this for the right reasons when you’re both ready to marry.

Post # 12
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

It sounds as if he isn’t planning on proposing; are you at all worried that he’s not planning to propose because he isn’t ready/doesn’t want to get married right now, and that he’ll be hesitant/offended when you propose? If he isn’t ready or doesn’t want it, it might not be the best idea to propose to him. I think maybe you need to have some more serious talks before you do it. Is there anyway you can hint around to see how he would feel/react if you proposed?

I’m sorry, I know it’s a very tough situation, so I’m not trying ignore that. I just think it could be sticky if there’s a real reason he isn’t proposing and you don’t take that into account. 

Post # 14
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

@Omgbunnies: I’m also a bit concerned because you say “I’m proposing because I want to make him feel as special as he’s made me feel.” Except, at least in this case, it doesn’t seem like he HAS made you feel special. Reading between the lines, it seems like you’re mainly proposing because you don’t want to wait as long as you think it will take him to propose. I’m very sure you’ve put a lot of thought into the proposal and that in a lot of ways you are excited to surprise him, but I still think maybe more talks are warranted so you can really be sure. 

If you like the idea of “racing to propose” maybe you could just throw that out there to him and see what he says?

Post # 15
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

 @Omgbunnies:  

I agree with @canarydiamond:  

I tend to also lean toward a more traditional way of thinking where the man should porpose and pay for the ring but I have come under fire on these boards before for it so I may not have stated that as strongly.

But listen, wouldn’t you rather have a man who would do that than a man you have to propose to because if you don’t do it, it won’t happen for another 5 years? That sounds like you are selling yourself very short. It sounds like he doesn’t want you that bad.

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