(Closed) I know it can’t always be sunshine and rainbows but….

posted 8 years ago in Weddingbee
  • poll: What's more important? Being compassionate or being right?

    Being right is most important.

    Being compassionate is most important.

    Being compassionate while offering some helpful advice.

    Being truthful even if it hurts but will benefit the person in the end

  • Post # 3
    1109 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I completely agree with what you are saying. This is why if I am feeling down about something that could be controversial, I dont say anything.  

    I read that post from yesterday too.  I understood what you were saying. I just didnt want to get all in the mix.  Now looking at it, I wish I would have said something just for the sake of supporting you, and giving an opinion that wasn’t tearing you down. Sorry girl.

    Post # 4
    444 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    People can be a bit judgemental sometimes, and since on the internet its anonymus most people feel safe talking to other people in a way that they never would irl.  That doesn’t make it right mind you, that’s just how some people can be :/ I didn’t see the other thread so I can’t comment.  Most of the time I try and say what I’m thinking about something, and thats how I am irl too.  But I try and stay polite about it unless someone gives me a reason to tear into them XD


    Anyway, yeah, I think in our generation and society people are so into social media and being used to saying whatever their opinions are on facebook and twitter etc that they let that spill over into everything else.  On someones social media site their opinions are super important so it has fostered a sort of overinflation of ego’s in young people today.  People have gotten used to saying their opinions as if it is fact, when, no honey, its not, its just one person’s opinion and it doesn’t always mean it’s right even if millions of people agree with you lol  Just hang in there and ignore the haters 🙂

    Post # 6
    6039 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

    You said something that says it all “cant someone come looking for support and not just opinions”. If someone asks for opinions on something its one thing. But when you specifically say you understand maybe you are being irrational or emotional or whatever but just want to know you arent alone in having those feelings it does seem counterproductive to just keep on going with the negative responses. I would try not to let it get to you 🙁 this is a group of women. a large group of women. Maybe a few guys tossed in the mix from time to time. But in general its women here, and at times things can be tough to handle because there are so many strong personalities here. Im not saying its right but it happens. Just know there are those that completely understood your post yesterday and did what they could to offer support 🙂 I commented and was right with you btw.

    Post # 7
    7310 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    If you want to vent without input/criticism/etc., go scream into your pillow. It doesn’t have opinions and cannot talk back. But if you express your thoughts and opinions to others, you cannot expect them to hold back on theor own thoughts and opinions because they do not jive with your own. If you put it out there, you accept the risk that others may vehemently disagree with you and acknowledge that they have the full right to express their thoughts, just as you do. It’s a 2 way street.

    Post # 8
    986 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    While I did not see your post yesterday, I have to admit, that I piled on to another post yesterday.   What the OP had posted I found incredibly offensive.   And I had other bees tell me, enough, she knows it was wrong.  I suppose that we are all human.   Sometimes something effects deeper for our own reasons.   And I am guilty of feeling not enough people told this Bee how wrong she was, but really that wasn’t my place.   Just remember, that if you are getting alot of responses, clearly for whatever reason people are feeling (and feelings are the issue) strongly.   I personally have decided not to respond to heated issues until I’ve had a chance to step back and look at it from all angles.  

    Post # 9
    2401 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    When you are reading these message boards, it is hard to tell what is venting and what is looking for advice. And since most people are looking for advice, that’s what we revert to. As for the piling on thing, most do not read past the initial post, so if you come to a solution or express that you do not want opinions in a post burried in the middle of it all, it’s going to get overlooked.

    Also, what you posted was controverisal for many people. In your original post, you noted how many people go against what you believe in terms of how bridesmaids should act. So, of course, you should know that the boards are going to favor one opinion, and that opinion will be defended.

    I’m sorry that you took it personally. I dont think anyone was trying to call you a bridezilla or stupid (at least I wasn’t, and we went back and forth a bit on it). I hope today is better for you and that everything works out.

    Post # 12
    3977 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    People read the first post and maybe one or two others and then respond. They don’t always realize that 20 people have said the same thing already.

    Post # 13
    2104 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think the anonymity of being online mixed with mob mentality creates a deadly mix on boards like this… especially when you have a large group of people who are at any time very emotional, hormonal, or have something personal going on.  It’s easy for people to judge someone based on a few lines of text, even though they aren’t always able to discern tone, sarcasm, or intent.  Then you have those that feel like they need to have the last word, or aren’t happy unless they’re criticizing, or their misery wants company.  It really sucks, because you come to a place knowing that many of them wanted or needed support at one time, but not all of them return the favor.  Some topics just baffle me as to why they get so heated… 

    Post # 15
    3218 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    View original reply
    @lovekiss:  I agree.

    Public message boards aren’t personal venting blogs.   I understand that it can feel good to have your feelings validated by people who may have had similar experiences, but when you post online, you invite everyone to comment. I think if you’re in an emotionally vulnerable spot, it’s your responsibility to recognize that and refrain from posting. 

    For what it’s worth, I also don’t really think posts like these have a place on the boards.  I know, you’re tired of having things piled on you and want to tell everyone how hurt you are, but saying “why can’t everyone play nice” is still stirring the pot. 

    I think everyone can benefit from reading over their post before they click “submit” and saying “okay, is this what I really want to say to hundreds of strangers? am I really going to get good feedback or useful information in response?”

    The topic ‘I know it can’t always be sunshine and rainbows but….’ is closed to new replies.

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