- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
Hi Bees. So yesterday I posted about bridal expectations dropping to just basically expecting them to show up clean and sober and the thread got a little heated (ok…I got a little heated…lol). I finally ended up walking away from the thread, but it had me really bothered so much so that I’m still a little bothered by it today.
Here’s the thing that has me upset…I totally get that it life isn’t always “sunshine and rainbows”. I get that all people, including you wonderful Bees, are entitled to have their own opinion and have the right to post whatever, whereever they want. Ok. But here’s what I DON’T understand. If a Bee comes on here looking to vent, for a shoulder to cry on, or for someone to sympathize and they make this clear at some point throughout the thread (be it in the initial post or in subsequent ones), WHY do some Bees still insist on “piling on”? If 25 Bees have already posted their opposing opinion or told the OP that she’s “unreasonable, selfish, silly, bridezilla, etc.”, WHY do an additional 25 (or more) have to come on and do the same thing? Why? If the OP has said repeatedly, “I get it” or “I know rationally I don’t have a leg to stand on but I just want to talk about my feelings and see if anyone else has felt the same and what they did to get through it…” WHY do some Bees still feel the need to come in and pile on some more? It can be incredibly hurtful to feel like in real life you can’t say how you feel because you are scared of the backlash, then go to an internet forum of anonymous people in a similar situation for some support and have the same things you were afraid of happening in real life happen anyway (still following me?).
I came here yesterday because I felt low and alone and I had been keeping it together on my own for months now and just finally reached my breaking point. When some Bees responded with replies I did not find helpful (after having explained several times that I know what is rational, etc. and was just venting and looking for a little support) I asked that only “like-minded” Bees reply and I got crapped on some more with responses like “this is a public forum” and “if you don’t want to hear others opinions, don’t post”. Why? I made it clear that I knew right from wrong and what I could reasonably expect in the real world but I was still hurting and just needed some comfort so WHY come on to my thread and pile on me? Why is the need to be right or have the most popular opinion more important to some people than just helping someone in need? If a poster specifically asks for only like-minded responses, why not just leave that post alone and find a similar thread to express your opinion on? Don’t posters also have a right to try to reach out for support and not just opinions?
No one has any idea what a poster is going through on the other end of the screen so I think a little compassion could be a lot more helpful than being “right”. And before anyone jumps on this statement, I DO NOT mean that we should coddle people making really hurtful, violent, dangerous, etc. choices. But if a bride comes on here saying “I know I can’t expect X, Y, and Z but this is how I’m feeling and just need to get it out somehow” why does everyone have to come down on her? I’ve seen it so many times here that I find myself returning less and less.
Anyway, I’m sure this post will be completely obliterated, torn down, etc. and I am actually ready for it this time (so have at it…lol), I just really felt strongly about this and wanted to put it out there in case there were any other bees feeling the same way. If any of you ever just needs to vent or have someone validate your feelings, I am here for you (though I won’t lie to you or agree with anything dangerous or illegal…I can listen to you and not make you feel like a bad person for daring to have feelings).