Post # 1
Hey ladies – I’m brand new to the site. My long time boyfriend and I have picked rings, and I know he is planning on popping the question in the next month or so! We have picked a date, and everything is so exciting in that regard. I’m pretty overwhelmed with wedding planning. But I’m excited!! 🙂 You all must be saints ha ha.
SO and I have been talking for a while now about having a baby. He has 2 kids from a previous marriage, and it just seemed like the right time. I know that’s a little non-traditional… but alas. We “pulled the goalie” so to speak, and just decided to see how things happened. We weren’t necissarily “trying” but, we were just letting things happen.
Yesterday, out of nowhere, however… He made a comment about how “since we’re getting married and we are moving into a new place, we could probably wait on that whole thing”. Which was suprising, because he was the most excited about having a baby….. After all of that he said, “it’s your body though, so I want you to choose”. But at the end of the day, I dont want to get pregnant if he’s not 100% on board with it. So, I’m going to go back on the pill.
On one hand, I’m glad he told me. I realize we have a bunch of big changes on the way… so it makes sense. But on the other hand, I’m dissapointed and sad. And it sort of hurt…. I’m more than prepared to wait until a better time. But he has two adorable kids with his ex, and when I see him around them, it makes me really excited to be a mom with him. I am trying not to let it hurt, because I know he didnt mean it that way… but there’s this pang in my heart… It sort of feels like a loss to me.
And perhaps (if I’m being terribly honest) I have always felt in some small way…. inferior? to his ex, because he has kids with her… and I know he would do anything for them, and thus, for her… because of that.
Sorry, I just needed to vent.
Post # 3
@whispersweetnothings: Aww, sweetie! Planning for the future is sometimes a lot to handle, and it sounds like you are doing a great job as a couple making these decisions together! Darling Husband and I have been going through some similar struggles lately in regards to forward planning, so don’t worry, you are not alone! Hugs!
Post # 4
@whispersweetnothings: Thanks for pouring out your heart. I do not have dreams of being a mommy myself but as a pragmatist, you might appreciate tackling one big accomplishment at a time such as getting married, moving and then starting a family.
Sounds like your guy is on board to start a family – you may just have to wait a teensy weensy bit longer. You can do it! Congratulations!
Post # 5
@whispersweetnothings: There are many exciting things happening in your life right now (a pending proposal and engagement, wedding planning, marriage, moving to a new home, becoming a blended family, etc.). It sounds as if your SO would prefer to take them in a progression instead of all at once.
I will be forthright in saying that I hold very traditional, faith-based values, and, even though your SO’s reasoning is likely not the same as mine, I can understand and appreciate his desiring to enjoy these changes one at a time.
Also, you’ve strongly suggested in your post that one of your primary motivations in wanting to have a baby with your SO sooner rather than later is that you are feeling somewhat insecure, given that your SO already shares the bond of having children with his ex. Please understand that I am not saying this to be hurtful or to upset you in any way, but that insecurity is not the best reason to rush forward in trying to have children right now.
Becoming a wife is a big change. Moving to a new home is stressful. Taking on the role of stepmother is also an enormous adjustment. (I have four stepchildren from my marriage to Darling Husband, though two are adults.) I would look at your SO’s desired change in timing to be a good thing to help allow you both to adjust to these other changes in your lives prior to having children together.
Post # 6
@whispersweetnothings: It does hurt when we have set our eyes on a goal in the near future, then the rug is ripped out from beneath our feet. Feelings are never wrong. We are entitled to them and they help us process events in our life.
I know you really want children,otherwise you would not be hurt by the change of plans.
On the positive side, it is great that the two of you have an open, honest relationship and he felt safe to have this discussion with you and share his feelings.
As far as the ex and his kids are concerned, again, it is normal to be envious of that experience and relationship that he has and you would love to have. They will give you tremendous experience to apply, when the two of you start your own family.
Post # 7
Unless you’re close to a geriatric pregnancy, he’s doing you a big favor. Walking down the aisle with a bump or morning sickness or hemorrhoids is no fun. Why would you want to plan a wedding while hormonal? It sounds more like you’re afraid if you don’t “lock it down” you won’t marry. If that’s a legitimate concern, a baby won’t fix it.
Post # 8
Sorry that you were excited and now are a little bummed. But I have to admit that would probably think the same as your boyfriend. I just got marreid last month and I cannot fathom trying to plan a wedding while pregnant! I know you’re bummed to wait, but I think you’ll be much less stressed if you wait until after the wedding (or at least close to the wedding)