(Closed) I know it wasn't intended to be hurtful, but it was…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
23602 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@whispersweetnothings:  Aww, sweetie! Planning for the future is sometimes a lot to handle, and it sounds like you are doing a great job as a couple making these decisions together! Darling Husband and I have been going through some similar struggles lately in regards to forward planning, so don’t worry, you are not alone! Hugs!

Post # 4
3731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@whispersweetnothings:  Thanks for pouring out your heart. I do not have dreams of being a mommy myself but as a pragmatist, you might appreciate tackling one big accomplishment at a time such as getting married, moving and then starting a family.

Sounds like your guy is on board to start a family – you may just have to wait a teensy weensy bit longer. You can do it! Congratulations!

Post # 5
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@whispersweetnothings:  There are  many exciting things happening in your life right now (a pending proposal and engagement, wedding planning, marriage, moving to a new home, becoming a blended family, etc.).  It sounds as if your SO would prefer to take them in a progression instead of all at once.

I will be forthright in saying that I hold very traditional, faith-based values, and, even though your SO’s reasoning is likely not the same as mine, I can understand and appreciate his desiring to enjoy these changes one at a time.

Also, you’ve strongly suggested in your post that one of your primary motivations in wanting to have a baby with your SO sooner rather than later is that you are feeling somewhat insecure, given that your SO already shares the bond of having children with his ex. Please understand that I am not saying this to be hurtful or to upset you in any way, but that insecurity is not the best reason to rush forward in trying to have children right now.

Becoming a wife is a big change. Moving to a new home is stressful. Taking on the role of stepmother is also an enormous adjustment. (I have four stepchildren from my marriage to Darling Husband, though two are adults.) I would look at your SO’s desired change in timing to be a good thing to help allow you both to adjust to these other changes in your lives prior to having children together.

Post # 6
46411 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@whispersweetnothings:  It does hurt when we have set our eyes on a goal in the near future, then the rug is ripped out from beneath our feet. Feelings are never wrong. We are entitled to them and they help us process events in our life.

I know you really want children,otherwise you would not be hurt by the change of plans.

On the positive side, it is great that the two of you have an open, honest relationship and he felt safe to have this discussion with you and share his feelings.

As far as the ex and his kids are concerned, again, it is normal to be envious of that experience and relationship that he has and you would love to have. They will give you tremendous experience to apply, when the two of you start your own family.

Post # 7
133 posts
Blushing bee

Unless you’re close to a geriatric pregnancy, he’s doing you a big favor.  Walking down the aisle with a bump or morning sickness or hemorrhoids is no fun.  Why would you want to plan a wedding while hormonal?  It sounds more like you’re afraid if you don’t “lock it down” you won’t marry.  If that’s a legitimate concern, a baby won’t fix it.

Post # 8
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Sorry that you were excited and now are a little bummed. But I have to admit that would probably think the same as your boyfriend. I just got marreid last month and I cannot fathom trying to plan a wedding while pregnant! I know you’re bummed to wait, but I think you’ll be much less stressed if you wait until after the wedding (or at least close to the wedding)

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