(Closed) I know it’s become the norm, but it still stings

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

(hugs).

I know this sounds lame, but maybe you should talk to someone about it? I don’t know what kind of relationship you had with him before you left, but some food for thought- sounds like they tried to make it work until you were an adult, gotta give him some props for that? Could something have happened that makes seeing you hard for him? Maybe he thinks you’re mad at him? If he lives 2 hours away, why do you only contact him on the holidays? Maybe you could see if you could go with him to his families for the holidays?

Anyway, I hope you don’t think thats intrusive, I know you’re just venting ๐Ÿ™ Holidays can be rough ๐Ÿ™

Post # 6
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

๐Ÿ™ That does really suck ๐Ÿ™ Has he always been like that? Like when he was home, were you always the one to start conversations? It might just be his personality, my brother is like that, we call him the Wanderer because he lives different places every season(he works at resorts), and if we want to talk to him we have to call and email a dozen times before he answers or gets back to us.  He loves us and everything, he’s just verrry independent I guess. Although I know if he were a dad he’d settle down. I hope its just a weird phase your dad is going through, and not anything that is permanent or un-fixable ๐Ÿ™

Let me tell you, my mom is going through something right now that’s hard for me to understand. So I know what its like to have a parent shut you out, and it is heart-wrenching. I just kinda keep my chin up and hope that someday she’ll pull her head from her bum and be my mom again, you know?

Post # 7
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

This is going to sound oober lame but I know how you are feeling. My parents divorced when I was young and it was super nasty. I was a pawn in my mom’s game, and therefore never got to see my dad. I didn’t see him or establish a relationship with him until I was 18. I had to initiate most things too. However, I had to accept my dad for who he was. I accepted that I would always have to initiate and plan. Now, I’m ok with that. I accept it. Just spend time with the rest of your family and friends. Try to plan something with him before or after the holidays. Even if its a few weeks before or after, it doesn’t matter, as long as you’re spending time.

 

Post # 8
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

((hugs))  My dad’s the same way–I’ve learned to just have low expectations of him (and by “low” i mean “absolutely zero”).  My parents split when I was 8, and after initiating contact with him every single time and years of disappointment, I finally stopped trying to create a one-sided relationship and we didn’t speak or see eachother from when I was about 16-21, but now we see eachother a couple times a year.  Whew, now I just ranted about my dad too. 

Anyways, it’s never easy having a parent who seems to just not care, but don’t take it personally and remember you have lots of people in your life who love you and care about you, and want to spend the holidays with you!

Post # 9
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My dad is exactly the same too. As Ive gotton older,our relationship just seems to have fallen apart more and more.He always wants to do stuff like meet up and talk on the phone,but he wants it all to come from my side. He lives an hour away,in the countryside,and I dotn drive so he knows how hard it is for me to get to him. And yet he always expects me to go to see him,and he wont make any effort on his part. So Ive just accepted it,and thats the way he is,if he wants to miss out on huge parts of my life then thats his choice. Hes only ever met my Fiance once,because he says he “doesnt really want to”

M`eh,his loss. I try as much as I can but theres not much more I can do. As PP say,I have low expectations,Private message me if you wanna rant or chat anymore hun, x

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