Post # 1
I am having a dilemma about my bridal party. I have a great group of girlfriends so I am lucky, however, I have one friend whom I have known for over 15 years. We have been close on and off and are almost more like sisters than friends (fight like sisters too) however, she is immature when it comes to the idea of Marraige (even though we are nearly 30 – clearly adults) she says the idea of weddings and marraige makes her “want to vomit”. She is extremely stressed at all times and can barely manage her job/life.
I am worried because I know how much work would go into being a Maid/Matron of Honor (planning bachelorettes, parites, showers) In addition, I am looking for someone to really help me plan the wedding.
On the other hand we have a mutual other best friend which we have known about 6 years. She would be so organized and helpful and excited to help me plan this event…
I am terrified to lose a friendship by making our 2nd friend my Maid/Matron of Honor. I know it would be a huge shock to my oldest friend, however… I cannot imagine the stress of not having appropriate support for such a big day..
What to do!
Post # 3
@Kitt0nMitt0ns: make them both Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 4
I was in a similar situation, and I now have 2 MOH! My best friend I have known for almost 8 years, she is amazing, however, she is not in my current group of friends (different carreers and universities) and is not a planner at all more like, what will be will be, while the other one at least knows them and is super organized and very driven. I sat down with both of them and told them that they represented different part of my life, that I loved them equally and that I would love it if they could join me. I am not having bridesmaids though so to make them equal I named them both maids of honor.
Post # 5
@Kitt0nMitt0ns: I would just choose the oldest friend. I don’t think it’s fair to choose your MOH/bridal party based on how much work they can do for you.
What you could do is make your oldest friend Maid/Matron of Honor, and tell her something along the lines of, “I am so thrilled to have you as my MOH! I would really like some help planning the event (be specific with your expectations: planning the bachelorette, bridal shower, etc). Do you think you can handle it alone? I know you are really stressed out and hate the idea of weddings, so I was thinking about asking [Mutual Friend] to also be co-MOH to help with these things if you’re not able to.”
And then she’s forced to commit to helping you with certain tasks, or relinquish the sole title.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
My Maid/Matron of Honor is a disaster but i love her to pieces … shes actually takeen soe of the bridezilla out of me
Post # 7
@Kitt0nMitt0ns: Another alternative is don’t have a Maid/Matron of Honor. I really dislike the extra level of hierarchy which comes from the Maid/Matron of Honor title. Call them both (and any others) bridesmaids. If your newer friend is a true friend, she’ll be helpful anyway. But you can’t really expect anyone to help too much with the wedding planning, except your fiance.
Post # 8
I would have both of them be the Maid/Matron of Honor, and I’d sit down with your older friend and ask her if she wants to be the Maid/Matron of Honor (she might not want to be). You can say something like, “I’d really like you and X to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, but I know how you feel about weddings & marriage. I don’t want to put you in a spot where you’re uncomfortable.”
I don’t think just having her be the Maid/Matron of Honor is a great idea based on how you described her, despite your longstanding friendship. It sounds like it’ll be really stressful for both of you. I was in a wedding years ago with a Maid/Matron of Honor like that and she took off before the reception started with some guy she met at the wedding. Luckily the bride had a fantastic sense of humor, but it still was a crappy thing to do.
Post # 9
@Kitt0nMitt0ns: I have two MoH, but in all honesty I told them they don’t have to do anything. They should just relax, have fun and show up on that day.
Post # 10
You don’t have to have an MoH at all. Or you can make your bff the MoH and ask the other girl to help with some of these other tasks. The MoH title doesn’t imply “does all the work.”