(Closed) I know she cheated, ignore it?

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
4080 posts
Honey bee

KatesTheWord:  first, why is Sam even with Jess? She sounds like an ass – making him return a ring because it wasn’t big enough?! Really?! And Sam is silly enough to actually continue to save up for a ring for a woman who clearly isn’t grateful? Nope. Honestly, even if you did tell Sam, would he leave? Just asking. 

Anyways, back to your actual question. I know this topic often gets heated, and I want to start by saying this is MY PERSONAL OPINION and is not meant to knock the opinion of anyone else. I would tell Sam. Because if I was Sam, I would want to know. Good luck with whatever you decide. 

Also, I’d only tell Sam if I had hard evidence of the infidelity, as it sounds like Jess has Sam wrapped around her finger, and would probably convince him it wasn’t true if you didn’t have proof. 

Post # 3
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

That’s such an awful situation! I feel terrible for ‘Sam’ and in all honesty this girl sounds like bad news all around. I know it’s gotta be crazy tempting to tell him, but I guess keeping quiet is the right thing to do. Hopefully it comes out though! It would be so sad if he never found out and ended up paying for a ring/wedding/etc. for someone who doesn’t truly love him…tough situation :/

Post # 4
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Just know, if you tell him, you put yourself right smack dab in the middle. Only you will know if that is worth it! As for me, I’m with the bee that said if she were Sam she’d want to know. So would i. But definitely a tough call! 

Post # 5
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee

I would tell him. I’m not sure if he would believe you, but maybe if you got all the people that knew together to tell him and then tell him why you knew. I would not want him to be going through all of that difficulty and all of the plans on the hope he might find out later. That could lead to a very expensive mistake that could have been avoided. 

Post # 6
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

KatesTheWord:  That’s a tough situation… I think it is necessary to bring it up one way or another. For me it’s a matter of who you bring it up to. If you’re somewhat close with “Jess,” I would rather talk to her so that she can have the chance to do the right thing one last time. However, if you’re not close with her at all…I guess you’ll have to mention it to Sam.

One word of advice as someone who had gone through a similar situation, you can’t expect people to make the obvious decision. Dont be surprised if they decide to look past the infidelity and oust you from their lives. I almost lost a very good friend because she was too in love with this guy. She eventually reached out to me again as soon as her relationship with the guy started falling apart. However, I honestly thought I lost her for good. Sorry your in a tough situation.

Post # 7
Member
2664 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

KatesTheWord:  Ugh, tell him. I’m not usually one to interfere either but this woman sounds like a self-centred cow and therefore undeserving. Let him make  this life-defining decision based on fact. Plus, if a few of you know about her cheating then it will get out soon enough. I wouldn’t want to be the ‘friend’ who kept quiet. If the genders were reversed we’d surely all be saying ‘tell her, I wouldn’t want that to happen to me’?

Post # 8
Member
1445 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

KatesTheWord:  I agree with BMoreBecc:  If I was “Sam”, I’d want to know. I don’t know how I’d react, but I’d want to know. The problem with that, though, is that without proof, you would risk being called a liar and a troublemaker (by the gf).

In your shoes, I might lean more towards sending an anonymous email or text from a texting app. Explain that you know the truth, but don’t want to be labeled as starting problems and that if Sam chooses to stay with his gf, you’ll never mention it again, you just wanted him to be aware so that he isn’t walking into the situation with blinders on.

Post # 9
Member
485 posts
Helper bee

I would get together with the other people that know and try to come up with a decision together, ideally that you all meet with him and speak to him about what you know.  I agree with PP though that he may be totally wrapped around her finger, which is why coming as a group and having evidence will be important.  Sort of a, “We don’t know how to tell you this, and we know it’s going to be really hard to hear, but Jess cheated on you… [and this is how we know].”

Post # 10
Member
8971 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

KatesTheWord:  The best case of course is that you tell Same, he believes you, and breaks up with Jess. She goes on her way, and Sam and you and all your friends are happier without her. That’s also the least likely scenario. So which worse case scenario would you rather live with: you don’t tell and he marries her; or you tell and he doesn’t believe you?

Post # 11
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

KatesTheWord:  100% tell him!! This Jess girl sounds like a huge mistake waiting to happen and if she’s that nasty, she’ll probably do it again. If you tell him now, you can hopefully prevent an ugly divorce, and bigger heartache down the line. That’s my personal opinion. She doesn’t deserve him and if you respect the guy, you’d let him know. And the truth always come out. If he found out after, and also found out some of his friends knew and didn’t tell him, he would not only feel back stabbed by this girl, but also by his friends. Not a good feeling For anyone. 

Post # 12
Member
11527 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m all for telling him, but you say you aren’t super close so I wonder if he will believe you. Do you have photographs or what is the evidence? This girl sounds like such a liar, I can totally see her saying sure she brought x over to the house to work in a surprise for your friend. Or whatever. But you get the idea. She’s not going to go down easily. 

Post # 13
Member
12513 posts
Honey Beekeeper

If this was a cheating guy Fiance, everyone would say it’s imperative to tell if only because of the risk  of communicable Save-The-Date Cards, etc. I don’t think it should be any different because it’s a cheating woman. 

Post # 14
Member
2445 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would want to know, regardless of who it was that told me. I would seriously feel like a fool if it came out that all my friends knew and kept it from me.

Post # 15
Member
2109 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m a coward and would tell him anon.

Send a letter or an email from a fake email address with enough details that he would know it is the truth or atleast start having doubts.

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