Post # 1
bridal showers, that is.. 🙂
My bridesmaids consist of my younger sister and my two cousins, all single, and all between 17 and 21. I’m in a different stage of life than they are, so they really aren’t into all this wedding stuff the way I am. I love them and I totally get that. It doesn’t help they all live 6 hours away, while I live with my fiance’s family and this is where the wedding will be.
On the other hand, though, I’m a little bummed that nobody’s made any mention of showers or parties of any kind in relation to the wedding. I know I’m not entitled to them, and that they aren’t obligated to throw them, but I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s gone through this. I think they kind of assume that I take the lead on all wedding stuff.
It’s complicated because even if they were to throw a party back in my hometown and I made my way down there, there aren’t many people there who are invited, but I know my fiance’s family would want the party to be here so that all his aunts could go. If his mom throws me a shower, I’d feel awkward because I don’t know many people in his family very well and I’m kind of an introvert as it is.
Maybe it’s just me who’s not being assertive and I need to ask someone to step up? My fiance came right up and told his guys who was responsible for what (who’s going to toast, who’ll throw the bachleor party, etc.). What are some things you’ve done with a less than assertive (but nonetheless wonderful) bridal party?
Gaah… any advice would be helpful.
Post # 3
crap! i had started to type out a great response and its gone…dontcha hate that? in a nutshell, i suggest shooting them an email list of bridemaid duties from one of the several articles online. tell them that as the day draws nearer you just wanted to refresh them on what they would be doing that day, BUT make sure that the shower is listed in those details. they’ll see it and hopefully start thinking amongst themselves. i know its hard (shy girl myself) but i really dont know how you could get the poitn across without "saying" something. another less vague but equally effective way would be to tell your mother about it and she could spur them into action. such as "Hey! have you guys thought about what kind of theme you’d like for BethGrace’s bridal shower???"
Post # 4
Maybe lead off with starting talk about a bachelorette party – that’s something that probably interests their age group and will get them planning/ thinking. Probably they haven’t even thought of it.
What I would aim for is a shower then bachelorette party on the same night as this bachelorette party. My sister did this and I think it worked out pretty well. They did a present opening potluck thing and then went out on the town. Low budget for the bridesmaids too.
I personally am avoiding a shower I’ve been to several painful ones – the worst being the family of the guy hosting a girl’s only shower for the bride. The guys sisters wrote questions that they passed out to everyone and she sat in the middle and answered them. Painful! Remember if you don’t get one – there could be worse fates.
Post # 5
guadior23 is right. about this time last year i attended a bachelorette party for a woman that i didnt know at all. i was invited by a friend who was a friend of the planner who was throwing the shower for the young lady. basically i was a warm body in a chair. but i went and got her a gift too, bc apparently she had very few friends. the majority of the people there that she did know were connected to the groom.
it was awkward to say the least.
Post # 6
Thanks… I like the idea of getting my mom to put a bee in their bonnet. Though honestly, it’ll more likely be my aunt and grandma who put the thing together. 😛
I really only want the idea to occur to them. I don’t want to ask for somebody to throw a shower, you know? I’m fine with a small shower of only people I know, and I definitely wouldn’t want to put anyone in a position like you were in, GetMarried4less. Heck I’m shy anyway, I don’t need extra warm bodies.
I guess I’m an idiot, but I want people to know I want a party without having to ask them to do it. I guess I need mind-readers. Oy.
Post # 7
Hmm. That stinks!
As you said in your original post, throwing a shower is not a prereq for being a bridesmaid. Yes, lots of bridesmaids do throw showers in honor of their friends, but I don’t think you can really send out an e-mail listing one of their duties as, basically, "throw me a party".
Old-school etiquette is that families couldn’t throw showers, but I think that is changing more since our society is so mobile, and it just makes the most sense sometimes. Could you enlist a trusted friend (maybe one from your hometown) to ask an older relative, like an aunt, if they know of anything being planned for you? That way it doesn’t it put it directly on your bridal party. And it will probably get your fam and your FI’s fam talking about this kind of thing.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
Just dropping you a line to let you know that I’m in the same boat as you…Maid/Matron of Honor is not really into weddings, but I love her so much and I’ve just resolved to "let whatever happen happen." My mom is curious as to whether or not I’ll have a shower, so I told her if she wants to throw one, she can host it, but basically I’ve just decided not to think about it and if it doesnt happen, then it doesnt happen. A shower is a party thrown for the bride, not a party that should have to be organized by the bride, I think…and while that might mean I might not get a shower, then I’ll just be okay with it. That doesnt mean I wont be a little bummed, but its just one of those things, you know?
…anyway, in your situation, if your mom is anxious about a shower, there is no reason why she cant throw it herself…half the showers I’ve been invited to are hosted by the MOB or MOG, not by bridesmaids. I was unaware that ettiquette dictated that family of the bride cant throw the shower! You learn something new every day! But I definitely was unaware of that rule and apparently so are the people that I know hee hee. I think its cool though.
Well, I just wanted to let you know that I’m in the exact same situation as you…would LOVE a shower, but dont see one in the near future. Sit tight, and you might be surprised 🙂 Good luck!
Post # 9
I personally don’t need one. i actually specifically asked my bms to not throw me one. it’s basically asking them to shell out more money on me and that’s not what i want to do. a bachelorette party is enough for me! 🙂 a time where we can all go out, relax, and enjoy ourselves.