(Closed) I know this is selfish but i need to vent…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6222 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I think that if he really wants to go, he will go. It’s not fair to ask him to give up things that he loves because you don’t get to talk to him for a week and he can’t go on as many other vacations. How old are you guys?

Post # 4
Member
2212 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Yeah, that would not be OK with me, either.  I would want to go on vacation, especially if we hadn’t gotten to go last year because of the same situation.  It’s awesome that he’s volunteering and had a rewarding experience last year, but if he’s soon to be your Fiance, he should really start thinking in terms of “we” instead of just “me.”  Obviously, everyone needs their own sense of self, and to do their own thing from time to time, but there needs to be a balance and it can’t be about just him when it comes to vacation every year.

Maybe you should relay a toned-down version of this to him?  Or, is it possible for you to go along, too?  You’re going to resent him going if you don’t tell him how you feel.

Post # 5
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If you’ve never been on a trip like this, you just won’t be able to understand how there is no replacement for it. It’s an incredible, life-changing experience, and I can’t blame him for wanting to go again. 

 

You just need to understand..it isn’t a vacation. It isn’t. It’s about helping other people, and you do really bond with your group and just learn a lot about yourself, life, the world…

 

It stinks that you can’t go with him…that, I totally understand. But I don’t think it would be fair for you to hold him back from going either.

Post # 6
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ElleNLOVE:  Honestly, you’re not being selfish.  Others may think so, but I don’t.

 

This is an expensive trip, and sure, it’s “volunteer” so it does have the do-good vibe to it, but you ARE a couple.  Hopefully this will be the last trip he goes on solo.

 

My advice would be to let him go on this last trip.  Yeah, it does suck you can’t both go.  Going forward, I would tell him that vacations need to be FOR THE BOTH OF YOU.  You’re going to be married soon.  Being married means doing stuff togther.  When I make a purchase or plan something, I always think of my hubby before myself.  I hope that “clicks” with him.  

 

And quite honestly, he should be having these “Amazing bonding experiences” with you.  Especially if he wants you to be his wife!!!

Post # 7
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@JaneyDcat:  Agree! I was thinking the same thing about everything you said. 

Post # 8
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I don’t think you are selfish at all. I would be very upset if my fiancé wanted to spend the majority of his vacation time paying to get away from me. That’s how I’d see it. 

I think you should talk to him – explain how you’d like to be able to take a nice vacation with him but that’s not possible if he spends all this time and money doing something else. He should understand. 

Post # 10
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree you’re not being selfish. You were one, now you’re going to be a pair. I don’t think it’s selfish to discuss together how you spend your money and your time.

Post # 11
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’d feel the same way, but you can’t tell him not to go, and the $ isn’t yours to delegate. He probably views this as his last independent adventure before you guys settle down into marriage. While he’s away plan some fun things for you and your friends to do, you don’t have to be miserable at home while he’s having an amazing experience!

BUT definitely tell him how those phone calls last year made you feel. If he’s going to go without you then the least he can do is give you his full attention when you’re able to talk over the phone. Tell him in the future you’d really like to go on trips together.

Post # 13
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

Why don’t you find something fun or meaningful to do with your time while he’s gone? Maybe volunteer at a few local soup kitchens or homeless shelters – that way, you’ll be super busy as well and the time will just fly, and when he comes back you can share with each other the wonderful experiences you had during your volunteer times!

Post # 14
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I can see this one from both sides, really.

1) It’s an expensive trip, you don’t get to go, and you can think of other ways to spend/save the money that would benefit the both of you.

2) When you mention things like not being able to talk to him for a week, and the other girls bothering you, it makes it seem more about being clingy (or maybe that you don’t totally trust him) than about the other issues you mentioned. 8 days isn’t really so long. FH and I have done longer; not that it didn’t stink, but that it was for a good reason, and I backed him. If that’s the real reason you don’t want him to go, that’s not a good reason.

For the PP who used the words “let him go” – gag. She’s hopefully going to be his wife, not his mommy. Decisions should be reached together, yes. Decisions should be determined by a rule-setting shrew, no. OP, tread carefully.

Post # 15
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

That sucks! I soooo feel for you!!! I say let him go one last time, then you get vacations with him….drum roll please…..FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES!!!! 

Post # 16
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

@chercee:  Yeah, I mean I guess I’m just wondering why 8 days is such a huge deal – I mean, my Boyfriend or Best Friend just left the country for a month-long business trip and while we aren’t going to get to talk much, it’s an incredible experience for him and I wouldn’t ever want to take that away from him because it’s so meaningful and special to him.

The topic ‘I know this is selfish but i need to vent…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors