(Closed) I know this is wrong…

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 77
Member
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Did everyone take cranky pills today?

OP I have seen heaps of posts like this on the waiting boards where ladies vent about others getting engaged. Normally these posts are met with understanding and support! I don’t know what happened this time around!

You were venting, as you said, there’s nothing wrong with it! In fact, the Bee is the best place for it! I completely understand how you feel about this. But I also understand that you won’t let it affect how you communicate with your step-brother.

Yes we are all adults and all act like them, but sometimes it takes a while to get into that adult mind set and that’s OK! Please don’t stop posting real posts on the Bee. I like to read your posts and am always hopeful that I will open it up to see your engaged! post. 

Sorry that you really copped all the negativeness today. I guess everyone is just having a bad day.

*hugs*

Post # 78
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Wow, I am so sorry… I couldn’t imagine what you are going through. I am so sorry! You need to try to pray and get over being angry at others though. You have a man who loves you…. who has never (you didn’t mention it so I am assuming) cheated on you. So, you have a leg up on the other relationships already.

Don’t be bitter… it will be okay. Hopefully, you will get engaged soon. A guy told my SO… “if you are waiting to get married,,,because you want the timing to be perfect…. then you will never marry. It will never be perfect. Just allow him to plan THAT SPECIAL TIME for YOU! You guys don’t have to wait forever on others…. just jump in their and be in the running to be the next bride as well!

Post # 79
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Sorry about your situation ๐Ÿ™ I’m going to be honest, I kinda stopped reading the comments after people started **forgetting** that this was a vent.

I’ve definitely felt this way before (and wrote a LONG vent on here as well)..and all I can say is the feelings pop up in an irrational and very emotional way. I’ve also noticed that it’s not that I’m really pissed at the people who got engaged, it kinda just makes me resent my b/f and current situation (because, like you said..it feels like you’re in limbo and it sucks!)

I’m not going to say the typical “feel better because you know it’ll happen”..because, well..you already know that!

Take it easy and do something you really enjoy tomorrow to get your mind off of being engaged..that usually works for me pretty well!

 

 

 

Post # 80
Member
1596 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@bells:

View original reply
@mwitter80: 

OMG have you guys finished??????Sheesh it was just a vent I dont recall her even asking for your advice or judgemental opinion.

I felt exatly like the OP when I had been with my DH for 8 years and people who had known each other for 1 year were getting married….Oh and guess what he did propose and we have been married for 6 months now…It is not always a cop out, and who made you the police on what you can and cant say.

Post # 81
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee

๐Ÿ™ That’s the worst, isn’t it? I just had that with my SO’s cousin. Less time, not really confident in their relationship. I did my best to be happy for them and not be jealous, but then when we hung out, she was very rude about compliments to her and seemed very uninterested in the wedding at all. I just had this rant going in my head like “WHAT?! I’m dying over here waiting to get engaged and you could care less! WTH?!” Rants=normal and good. Saying it to the couple=not so good, lol. I think we are okay on the rant front.

I’m so glad your SO isn’t changing his plans for this, tho. What a good man. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 82
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I had a similar experience last year. Me and my partner had been together for 6 years and had talked about getting engaged quite seriously. Then his best friend got engaged and they had only been together for about 1 and a half years and I thought it was unfair…. then about 3 months later his other best friend got engaged and I was equally (if not more) upset because I felt like it wasn’t going to happen for me. 

However, you NEED to relax about it and realise that if you have been talking about it seriosuly then it is definately in your partners mind and it WILL happen. We got engaged a month ago and on reflection I am SOOO glad he waited a while after because it meant that the dust had settled on their news so they could all be happy for our news. It was nice that there was some space – we weren’t stealing anyone elses thunder. 

I actually felt really bad about feeling that way once my partner had proposed because I realised he wanted it to be a surprise and be perfect and I was just desperate to get a ring on my finger a year ago. I am sure that your partner would rather wait because he wants it to be YOUR moment and for it to be special and a surprise. You don’t want to get engaged and for noone to notice because of the other weddings and engagements happening do you?

I think it is normal to feel the way you do but it will be SO much nicer if you just relax and let your partner be in control. He only gets to do this once (hopefully!) in his life and I have learned that it is really important to men to make the most of it. So just make the most of this time – show him that you are the perfect woman to be with and that will assure him that he will want to do this and hopefully do it sooner and you will be so amazed and surprised when it does happen!

All the best x x

Post # 83
Member
1741 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@MissBoPeep:Giving up control is VERY difficult, that is why there is a waiting board, and that is why there is so much angst on it.

 

In this waiting stage, it is much easier to get hurt by other’s actions becuase of your jealousy or resentment or frustration.

 

Just know that in the end youhave the foundation for a great marriage.

 

And permission to mope for a little bit (but not too long).

Post # 84
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee

Oh Lordy Lord! This is one of the tamest venting posts I’ve ever read on the bee. This is one reason why ‘waiting’ ladies refrain from posting and I don’t blame them. I kinda get where the OP is coming from. Thankfully, my waiting did not coincide with all my friends getting married. I had a friend get engaged 6 months after meeting her bf and I had been dating mine for 3 years and we had lived together. I wasn’t in the waiting mood then but best believe, bestie or not, I’d have been jealous! I get where you are coming from girl, it’s going to be better. You have your ring, you will get a nice proposal and we will celebrate with you on the bee when it happens. Just don’t forget to attach some ring porn!!!

Post # 85
Member
28 posts
Newbee

Hmmm…this thread makes me concerned. Some responses seem uncalled for. I commend you for your honesty and recognizing the “selfish” feelings as wrong. That being said, WHO hasnt felt that way during this stage? Envy happens…you are human.

Trust me, those who are wagging their fingers at you and turning up their noses have felt this way too…but perfer to pretend they are the image of perfection.

Celebrate their engagment as you would like them to celebrate yours and tomorrow will look bright again sweetheart ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 86
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@bride_in_training: I can honestly say that I was never in this “stage” as you call you. I never sat around wondering when my now DH was going to propose. I never felt jealous of my friends who got engaged, I never pressured any man I dated to commit in anyway. So I don’t understand these feelings at all.  I disliked the fact that the poster claimed her family didn’t deserve it. That was uncalled for. That wasn’t I’m a little jealous, that was something else.

For everyone who asked wether or not I have ever felt this way in life in general, I can honestly say that I can’t recall a time where I ever felt that I deserved something more than another person. I think my upbringing and my life experiences had a huge effect on my lack of jealousy for others.  The only type of jealousy I have felt is when a women hits on (like really over the top) DH or something, but I think that’s pretty mild too.

Post # 87
Member
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@mwitter80: I can honestly say that I was never in this “stage” as you call you. I never sat around wondering when my now DH was going to propose. I never felt jealous of my friends who got engaged,…

Lucky you! But the OP does feel that way, and lots of other people do/have in the past as well. I give props to the OP for posting it here to get it out of her system, rather than actually taking it out on her step-brother. I also think you’re reading too much into one statement the OP made in the midst of what was clearly a vent/rant.

Post # 88
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

OP, I know how you feel! I am not ashamed to say I do sometimes feel jealous of others who seem to have something that I really want, and even feel like I deserve it more. And you know what, I too feel bad for feeling these feelings.  You are NOT ALONE! I just wanted to tell you that.

Post # 89
Member
1707 posts
Bumble bee

@mwitter80: If you cannot understand the “waiting stage” then why come into a waiting post and demean the OP for her feelings while she is within the waiting stage? Do you tend to give opinions on other things you don’t understand?

It frustrates me to no end that women who never went through the waiting process come onto the waiting boards and feel the need to jack a girl up over something they never experienced and don’t understand. She admitted repeatedly that her feelings were just of jealousy and that they were inappropriate. Share what little advice you can and then move on. There was no need to call her a racist or repeatedly tell her that her feelings are invalid and rude. She is clearly aware that they were rude and she was over them within 2 hours.

Post # 90
Member
567 posts
Busy bee

ok so people say “dont post on the knot waiting board because they will be snarky and tear you apart but the bee isnt like that” so I come here and what do I see, the exact same thing. OP I am so sorry people are treating you this way I know how this stage feels and it sucks, if you want to talk feel fre to PM me I am here for you ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 91
Member
2200 posts
Buzzing bee

*hugs* hope you are doing much better today!

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