Post # 1
But I’m going to vent anyway.
Kids and weddings, amiright?
My Fiance and I have opted to have an adult-only wedding, with the exception the children who are in the wedding party. Invitations haven’t even gone out yet, but already one woman from my FI’s family had asked multiple times about her children (5 and 8ish). She has not come to me or my FI about these question, but to my Future Mother-In-Law. FMIL is good about supporting our adult-only decision to our faces, but when confronted directly is purposefuly vague…I assume so she doesn’t come off looking like the bad guy.
Future Mother-In-Law texts me this morning telling me that the woman has asked to bring her children to the ceremony only. She told her that was fine and to bring her daughter to my bridal shower as well. I now feel stuck, uncomfortable, and annoyed. Part of (but not all) the reason we decided to not include children is because there are a number of ill-behaved children who I have watched run down the aisle in the middle of the ceremony. Not the children in question, but once the exception door is open and word gets out (which it will) what’s to stop everyone from doing the same? I really wish Future Mother-In-Law would either a) stick to her guns, or b) ask people to contact us directly.
So Bees.. Has anyone been in this situation? Did you have kids at your ceremony, but not the reception? Should I hope this is a one-off and move on?
Post # 3
I would call this family member directly. It’s your wedding, not your FMIL’s, and she should have talked to you to begin with.
Post # 4
I agree. Contact the family member yourself.
However, if you are unsuccessful and this child (or others) come, take heart in knowing that children generally are able to behave themselves at a ceremony. I had over 30 kids at my wedding and didn’t hear a peep from them during the ceremony.
(I don’t say this because I want you to give up your adults-only wedding. You are well within your rights to make and enforce that decision. I just don’t want you to focus on the nightmare scenario.)
Post # 5
You need to have your Fiance tell his mom to stop answering questions about your wedding, and direct those people to talk to you.
Post # 6
Contact the family member and be prepared to “be the bad girl.” It’s your wedding. If you don’t want to have kids there, there shouldn’t be any kids there. Make sure she understands. She might not come but too bad. Trust me, even the best behaved kids have their off days. You will not want a screaming child at your wedding.
Edit: Also, tell Future Mother-In-Law that if anyone has questions, ask you and not her.
Post # 7
I’d contact her yourself, and wouldn’t be shy about throwing Future Mother-In-Law under the bus. “Sorry, but Future Mother-In-Law had her information wrong…” And have your fiance call Future Mother-In-Law and tell her she is not within her rights to invite people to your wedding who were not invited, even if they are the children of guests. That stuff needs to be stopped!
Post # 8
Yes. I had the same rule. I wasn’t worried about kids screaming during the ceremony. It just wasn’t the type of venue for children. It was a backyard wedding with a huge pool as the focal point. People would be getting really drunk….I just didn’t want any accidents to happen. Plus, it was a friend’s house…not ours so I didn’t feel comfortable with it.
I had two families throw a pissy fit about it. They ended up not coming. Whatever. Good Riddance!
I had a few that tried to RSVP their 3-4 kids. I had to call them and explain to them the situation. They were fine with it and said they would get a babysitter.
I had one couple who did bring a baby without me knowing, but I didn’t even realize the baby was there until after dinner. That baby was just so dang quite! Sneaky…sneaky. If they had asked me I probably would have made an exception since the baby was so little and had to be nursed.
In all fairness, I had forgotten to put that little detail on my invitations and went with word of mouth.
Post # 9
Yeah you should call her and say that your Future Mother-In-Law might have gotten confused and let her know your thoughts. You are right – there will be hurt feelings if some kids can go and others can’t.
Post # 10
Thanks Bees. I definitely think this is an all-or-nothing situation… I’m not willing to make an exception for one and not extend the same to all.
This is FAR from the first time Future Mother-In-Law has tried to push more onto the guest list. It’s already 70% FI’s family, yet just yesterday she was whining about how X, Y, and Z should probbaaabblyy be invited LONG AFTER she had her opportunity to say so. Not to mention she keeps trying to make cuts to MY side, citing that family is more important than friends. This only somewhat relates to my OP, but what can I say.. the floodgates, they have opened. Like a few bottles of wine will be tonight.
Fiance has to swing by his parents’ house this afternoon anyway. It’s time he sets the record straight… again.