(Closed) I know you're the bride and you want us to look ugly…

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Would you style your bridesmaids to make them less attractive so that you stand out as the bride!???

    Yes! It's my big day- I don't want to share the spotlight!

    No...atleast not consciously ;)


    Sort of- I want them all to look like identicle (hair/makeup/dress)think twins/triplets/quadruplets

  • Post # 17
    1064 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I’ve witnessed this first hand. An ex-friend of mine asked me to be a bridesmaid, but insisted I put my hair up so as “not to overshadow her”. I think that’s pretty shady. I have big red hair, granted, but there’s no way I would steal any of her thunder. And even when I wore my hair half up, half down, she was still so displeased. It’s just hair. I don’t get it.

    In general, I think the more jealous the girl is the more this is likely to happen. There’s something to be said about feeling inferior around other girls and having bad esteem. Those girls with bad esteem will more than likely not want their maids to look “better” than them, whether it be something that shows off their shape or something striking about them. Make them blend, they think, and the problem is solved. It really makes no sense in the scheme of friendship but I almost feel bad for these kinds of girls. How bad must you feel about yourself that you need to demean those closest to you?

    All my bridesmaids were stunning and I wanted for them to dress in a way that they were comfortable with and that flattered them.

    Post # 18
    293 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I wanted all different dresses, but my BM’s actually said they would rather wear the same dress. When I sent them pictures of 6 dresses to choose from they all said, “I like them all but I’ll wear whatever everyone else picks!” So I started all over again and let the Maid/Matron of Honor pick the dress. 

    I think picking a ugly dress on purpose just reflects badly on the bride. I mean picking a simple dress that won’t upstage you is one thing. But if the dresses are that ugly, isn’t everyone just going to remember how ugly the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses were instead of how beautiful the brides dress was?

    Post # 19
    1943 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    It doesn’t make sense to me to make them ugly because they will be in all your wedding pictures!!!

    Post # 20
    900 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @serenitea:  coordinated mismatched is a great way to go! and shades of the same colour looks so good. I recently did this and all three of my BMs chose different dresses in shades of purple, and they looked fabulous! I definitley didn’t want them to all match, but I wanted some sort of cohesive element. we matched the butch-maids and our Best Men with different shades of purple ties.


    View original reply
    @RunnerBride13:  and this! plus one. 🙂

    Post # 21
    771 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Fiance and I are only having 2 people total stand up with us (my sister as Maid/Matron of Honor and his brother as best man). I’m going to let my sister pick whatever dress she wants as long as it meets the following criteria:

    1. it’s in the colour I request (it will be either a dark/royal blue, light blue, grey/silver or black, I haven’t 100% decided)

    2. It can’t be too short or show too much clevage.

    3. It covers up the tattoos on her back (that’s actually my mother’s request…)

    4. that she sends me a photo of it before she buys it so that I can veto it if I don’t feel it meets the above criteria, or we go shopping together when she comes to visit (she lives in a small town about 8 hours away so the photo might be a better idea).

    I actually own 4 dresses that meet all the above criteria, and if she doesn’t want to spend money on a dress and they fit her I’d even let her borrow one of them. None of the dresses are bridesmaids dresses, just dresses that I’ve purchased for various events because I like them.

    Post # 22
    1203 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    How the bridesmaids look is a pretty direct reflection of my taste — so no, I wanted them to look fabulous…and they did. We chose the dress together from a list of ones that I would have been equally fine with — it was a unanimous choice, and they repeatedly told me (without me asking, LOL) how much they loved the dress, and how they knew they could wear it again. Guests told us that they’d never seen a prettier bridesmaid dress. And, as my bridesmaids fixed my bustle in the bathroom, one drunk bridesmaid from the wedding across the hall told them how jealous she was of them. Hand to God, y’all.

    Post # 23
    104 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I want them to at least feel pretty and themselves! But not going over the top…so we’re getting them all convertible dresses and I don’t care what shoes they wear. Totally trust them. And they love the idea!

    One of my friends who is getting married wanted to put her 5 girls(!) in Ellie Saab outfits. Stated how much she wanted her wedding party to look the best ever! She never realized until she enquired that there would be a hefty pricetag to go with it, hahaha.


    Post # 24
    2969 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I spent months choosing dresses with my girls based on their specifications, so most definitely, I did not want them to look ugly or feel ugly. While I couldn’t accommodate everything (I had bridesmaids ranging from a 2 to a 20), I tried my very hardest and asked the girls who I knew were self-conscious about certain things to specifically send me dresses they liked and what types of silhouettes work for them. While the dress I picked probably wouldn’t be the first choice for every single girl just based on personal taste, I can tell you that the dress looked GOOD on all of them and that is what I wanted. 

    ETA: Why would I want people to think I have bad taste, as well? I chose a dress that I myeslf would be proud to wear and almost did actually to another friend’s wedding. 


    Post # 25
    83 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Ive never been a Bridesmaid or Best Man but I know my worst fear would be a bride intentionally making me look ugly so she stood out.  Hello! Your the bride, your going to stand out no matter what.
    Ive let my BM’s choose their own dresses (sticking to a color) because I want them to be comfortable, have fun and feel good. There is nothing worse than hating what you look like for a big event, and it really comes down to treat people how you would want to be treated. This saying still applys on your wedding day.

    Post # 26
    99 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I would never do that. I only have a Maid/Matron of Honor and I want her to look her best. Friends don’t let friends look ugly lol.

    Post # 27
    1797 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think it’s just a matter of people having different tastes.  I would probably love a lep green dress.  I love green.  I think the idea that a bride can let go and just let the maids wear what they want to feel good works both ways.   Maids with that healthy self esteem could handle wearing a dress that their bride loves even if they all aren’t so in love with it.  Comprimise..

    Post # 28
    999 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Why would I want them to look ugly? These are pictures I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life! I let them pick their dresses. We went to David’s cuz I knew they,d have enough variety for everyone and let them go at it. My bridesmaids ended up picking the same dresses. My Maid/Matron of Honor has a different dress cuz she’s busty and wanted to be able to wear a bra. I don’t care how they wear their hair or make up. They are all wearing different shoes. My only request is that the shoe is silver. I want them to look gorgeous!

    Post # 29
    527 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I also wanted my bridesmaids to look Amazing!

    My sisters actually chose the dress, I only wanted it to be black.  I had 3 bridesmaids and 1 Maid/Matron of Honor and they all wore the same dress.  Every single one of them has worn it since which is perfect because I wanted to get them something they would wear again.

    I did choose how they had their hair – all the same but they said they liked it.

    IMO the bride will always stand out because she is the only one in white plus it is her and her future hubbys day, that is who everyone has come to see 🙂

    Post # 30
    2223 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I’ve yet to see bridesmaids dresses that didn’t look like a cheap waste of money in person. And they’v rarely looked flattering. I get it. It’s the brides day. But everyone already knows you’re the bride. You invited them. And you’re wearing a gorgeous white dress. I’m just not on board with that mess. I have 2 bridesmaids and I’m letting them wear whatever little black dress they want. Mostly because most women already have one in their closet.

    Post # 31
    797 posts
    Busy bee

    If anything, I want my bridesmaids to look their best! When I think about how my wedding is going to look, I want everything you to look good! My dress, the venue, my bridesmaids, my flowers, my groom, etc. Plus, I genuinely want my BMs to buy a dress they would wear again.

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