(Closed) I left him.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 77
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Oh! My thoughts are with you during this time. I’m sure you’ll be able to make a very good case to get what you want with the pups. We didn’t talk much, but I read a lot from you on the TTC boards and you are such a strong woman. I just know you will make it out of this difficult time even stronger than before.

Post # 78
9050 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Oh wow, I’m sorry this is happening to you, but from the other posts it does seem it’s for the best.  I wish you much happiness in living life for yourself from now one and hopefully finding someone who has your best interests in mind in the future.

Post # 79
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m sorry you are hurting right now, but as many Bees have said, you’ve made the right decision. You will be so much happier soon.

Please be safe, abusive guys tend to flip out when you leave…

Post # 80
2944 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

((Hugs)) My heart goes out to you. Good for you for taking care of yourself. You are in my thoughts.

Post # 81
3571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Oh wow. I’m so sorry to hear that. What a difficult decision and a tremendous loss. I know you have a lot going for you right now, so I do hope that you’re surrounded with friends and family while you start to reposition and rebuild. 


Post # 82
23589 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@ChuckNorris:  *big hugs*  I am so sorry to hear this!  All of the best to you as you find your way again.  You are definitely doing the right thing and we are all here for you!

Post # 83
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Oh WOW Chuck! I am shocked to read about what you are going through. You have been such a guiding light on these boards, particularly the TTC boards, my heart breaks for you, just thinking how strong and supportive of everyone you were (are) and now knowing what struggles you were having in your personal life – it just goes to show what a remarkable woman you are! Obviously you are selfless and incredibly empathetic towards those here. It is time you put yourself first. You deserve to be a priority in someones life not their option. I hope one day all of your dreams come true. I know this may sound terrible and please don’t take offence but thank goodness you don’t have a child with him, this way hopefully you can make a clean break instead of being tied to him for 18 years! I wish you peace in your decision to leave and hope the emotional scars heal quickly. Hugs to you. Please PM me if you need to vent.

Post # 84
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@ChuckNorris:  I’m so sorry it didn’t work out between you two, but you made the right decision. I don’t think settling for a life you don’t really want is ever a good idea. Sometimes it’s hard to follow your dreams and yeah, stuff gets in the way. But if you have ambitions and you don’t pursue them, they eat away at you. 

I hope everything goes well for you. 

Post # 85
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m so sorry to read this, but it sounds like you made the right decision! You will have a new career/school to look forward to!

Post # 86
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

I am so so sorry to hear about this 🙁 I am sending you major hugs and just as many good thoughts and good wishes that I can. I know I didn’t “know” you but I always appreciated your posts and you seem like an absolutely awesome person, so it makes me sad to see you going through this. I hope it goes as smoothly as it possibly can in this situation, and that your dreams and your happiness happen to be waiting for you right around the corner when this is all said and done <3

Post # 87
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

You are such a strong and intelligent woman and one of the main reasons I came to feel at home here at the bee. I’m so sorry you’re going through this but I’m sure you know what’s best. We are all here for you as you take your next steps. I’m on my phone but I think adoption fees and who pays vet bills is like 90% of pet custody. Or previous ownership. Not sure how it works if you got the dog together and have shared finances…

Post # 88
1949 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Hi chuck. Sweetie, I’m shocked and so sorry to hear about this. I skimmed your post here today, but remember reading your first one. I can’t offer and advise from experience, but please take care of yourself! 

Post # 89
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am so so sorry you are going through this, but like PPs have said, you are definitely doing the right thing. No one deserves to be treated like that, and especially not the kindest, sweetest girl on WB!  

I was in a realationship with a guy who sounds exactly like what you described, and even though I know just breaking up with someone doesn’t even compare to how hard it must be to have to go through a divorce, I can sort of understand your feelings about the situation.  Reading through all your posts–it was like reading about my relationship with that guy, except he made me miserable enough when we were dating that somehow or another when he brought up getting engaged and married, some very very small voice left inside my head said that I did not want to be treated like this for the rest of my life.  Still, leaving him was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and I am pretty sure I am still a little messed up today because of him.  It was like he was a drug–somehow I knew that he was bad for me, yet I continued with him for so long.  He turned everything I ever got mad about into my fault, and eventually I started to believe him.  Even after breaking things off with him, I still felt like maybe if I would have just been more flexible we would still be together and happy.  One of the weirdest things is that I still miss him, to this day: a guy who treated me like absolute crap and made me feel worthless most of the time, and I still miss him. Yuck. 

Anyways, after a few years, I actually don’t regret my time with him.  If anything he left me with, it was knowing exactly how I did not want to be treated in a relationship, so I was a lot more cautious after that.  Also, had I not been treated like crap for a few years, I don’t think I would have been able to appreciate how well my husband treats me now as much.  So my hope for you is that one day you can experience the same thing–I am glad you are pretty young and you have plenty of time to now live for you, get a great education, and one day I am sure you will find a guy who will treat you better than you could have ever imagined.  Hang in there sweet girl, one day it won’t hurt as much.  If you ever need to talk you can always PM me! 

I don’t know if you are a music fan or what kind of music, but (don’t judge me for this! LOL!) when I went through my nasty break up with the manipulative man from hell, I swear Taylor Swift’s Fearless album helped me to get through it.  People give her a lot of grief, but the lyrics in a lot of her songs are actually pretty perfect for helping to cope. I don’t know, music always helps me to feel better so just a suggestion. I actually bought the album, and this was on the inside, and that night reading it, it literally turned my life around.  I would listen to the songs on that album while lying on the floor sobbing like a baby, but they still helped me to realize that I deserved better than him, no matter how addicted to him I thought I was.  Hope this quote helps you as much as it helped me (most of it anyways).  

I’ll be thinking about you!

ETA: Especially the songs You’re Not Sorry and Breathe by T Swift. Therapeutic, I swear.  

Post # 90
6666 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@ChuckNorris:  Got it. As long  as you dont think he will neglect the one he is keeping and you have the other one I think youre in good shape. Make sure he does not see/visit your dog for any reason. Keep her with you. And tell your divorce lawyer it was a gift and you will be keeping her. Your lawyer will write it up that way in the papers. I think it should be ok. Good luck.

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